Fifth Gospel(56)

In the cool of the inner court of the house, she sat beside him with her heart running rings and waited for his questing soul to open its doors to her, as she had opened her soul to him. But when finally he spoke it was not of intimate things but of the destiny of men.

He told her that in the beginning, humanity was like a child, it crawled and walked and learnt and came of age. Now it was grown old and entering into decline. He had seen it clearly from his twelfth birthday.

‘Before that, I remember only dreams…grass and sky and rain and the smell of sheep…’ he said to her, ‘I remember my mother’s heart too, in my ear, and the whispers of angels…’

She nodded, remembering that many had shunned him for being addled.

‘But on the steps of the Temple a bewildering happening took place which I didn’t understand at first. Afterwards, I lost my mother and my life changed. My eyes lost their ability to see the dream-full spaces of heaven, since everything became sharp-shaped and clear to them. I began to forget all that was spontaneous and pure, and from that moment, in forgetting, I began to remember and to accustom myself to looking with different eyes…with the eyes of wisdom…eyes that were not mine.’ He looked at her. ‘What I saw caused such loneliness in me! Ah, my mother! If only you knew! That is why I fell into silence and could barely speak for the pain of it! During my stays with my teachers in Jerusalem, I saw and heard the decadence of their teaching, how it had lost its life, how it was no longer given out of direct knowledge. I realised with sorrow that if the prophets came again, no man would understand them!’

‘Oh, Jesus!’ a sob was caught in her throat for his words. ‘How your sensitive soul has struggled! But think of Hillel, my son! He was a great teacher of the law! In my time, he spoke with a voice so sure and powerful. Could such a man not recognise the voice of the prophets if they were to return again?’

Jesus’ face, lit meagrely by the penumbral light, was gravely cast. He said, ‘Hillel was wise, it is true…but there are no more Hillels!’

With these words, a coldness settled over her and she pulled her shawl over her head and hugged herself to keep from shaking. ‘How can this be true?’

He recounted his journey to the pagan lands and spoke to her for the first time of the downfall of their temples. He told her of his experience at the altar, where he had fallen as though dead, and where he had heard the Bath-Kol in all its terrible splendour. After that, he recounted his experiences with the Essenes and his disappointment with their ways, and he told her of his meeting with the being called Buddha.

‘I am alone!’ he said to her, ‘There is nowhere left to turn! This has been my last realisation. All has fallen into decadence and there is no truth left in the world. No light of hope can brighten the darkness that lies ahead! I have seen the portent of humanity’s future suffering and the destruction of the world!’

She stifled a sob with her hand, for the entire burden of Jesus’ sorrow had moved into her on the wings of his words, and they had formed in her mind a vision of what he had seen with his eyes, an entire panorama of calumny and misfortune. Mariam’s hands and arms lost their strength.

‘What will you do?’ she asked him.

‘There is a man in Judea who baptises with water for the remission of sins. He announces the coming of the Messiah, who will bring youth to the soul of the world.’ He looked at her, to cause the meaning of it to arise in her, ‘This Messiah will speak forth the voice of God and reverse the words of the Bath-Kol to unite us with what we have lost.’

‘What are these words that you speak of, my son?’ she asked.

‘Aum, the evils hold sway…’

When he had finished, Mariam sat still, listening for the resounding of those words in her soul.

Jesus’ eyes grew distant. ‘It is time.’

She looked at him, attentive now. ‘Time for what, Jesus, what?’

But as she spoke she did not see Jesus, she saw Yeshua! The eyes of her soul were opened to what she had always sensed with her heart! Jesus’ words to her those years ago now made sense:

‘God can make two into one, if it serves his design.’

She understood now! Yeshua had accomplished his task after all! Long ago, on those Temple steps, he had become one with Jesus! That is why Jesus had begun to see with different eyes, why he could argue with the rabbis, why he seemed like two men, one serious and wise, and the other playful and loving. That is why she had seen her son in him!

So this had been Yeshua’s task - to weave his wisdom into Jesus’ loving soul! His selfless task was accomplished!