Jesus of Nazareth.
Months ago he had sent his soldiers to Judea to look for the man but the fools had returned empty handed every time. Frustration and anger had filled his days and nights until now. Herod could hardly believe his luck. He was still in a good mood to think on it when the dreadful-thin Ananias and the short fat Caiaphas entered his hall.
These men were opposite characters that had long ago found a common purpose and had made a marriage of their priesthood. Like mismatched twins they came into his presence without waiting to be announced, which annoyed him. Behind them came their prisoner in chains, dragged by a horde of brutal temple guards, which delighted him.
A second glance made him take a gasp of surprise for the condition of the man that was brought before him.
Without waiting for Herod to speak, the tiresome priests began their accusations, which he hardly heard, for he was already on his feet making a close examination of Jesus.
‘In the name of God!’ he exclaimed. These words inspired a chorus of giggles from his audience and loud audible gasps from the priests. ‘What have your animals done to him?’
He walked around Jesus with a hand to his face, for the smell of blood was decidedly high.
‘The animal is bruised and battered!’ he told them. ‘Look at him! His eyes are near shut, his head is covered in mud and spittle and garbage, his nose is broken and he is full of cuts and bloodied all over! All of this before breakfast!’
Hoots of laughter echoed in the hall.
Ananias, looking as if he had not slept all his life, moved an indolent eye over Herod and said, ‘He is a blasphemer, he desecrates the Sabbath and causes unrest in the people, he– ’
Herod raised a cautionary hand. ‘Did I tell you to speak, old man?’
Ananias was caught with his mouth open.
‘He calls you a fox!’ Caiaphas slipped in.
‘Really? A fox?’ Herod turned around to his adoring audience, ‘Better a fox than a dog like my father!’ He gave them a splendid smile.
In the midst of this splendour Caiaphas was a black hole. ‘He has defiled Temple secrets! Who knows what else he’ll do? Moreover he says that he wishes to take away your kingdom! For this alone you must condemn him!’
Herod arched one plucked eyebrow very high. ‘Must I? Must I? Well, well, what would I do without your counsel? But my dear priests, if Pontius Pilate did not feel compelled to find cause in him…why should I?’
Ananias came towards him, breathing his malodorous breath into the space between them, ‘The governor is not a Jew and does not know our laws!’
Herod shrugged his shoulders and said pointedly, ‘Some say that I am not a Jew…’ he let it hang in the air like that, and then made a laugh of it. ‘And as far as our laws go…well…’ he looked at Herodias, ‘they did not help us did they, my dear, when we wanted to marry?’
Herodias stared hatred and loathing from under that low brow at the priests but the rest of her was stock-still, like a dog that has lost its bite.
‘You should not have married a woman who is your sister-in-law and also your niece!’ Ananias spat out his reason. ‘The finger of God will find you as it found your father before you!’
Herod paled.
‘Snake!’ Herodias hissed.
‘She is wicked, my niece,’ Herod said to cover up his anxiety and looked at his people. ‘Perhaps I shall have her reverse the miracle of Moses and turn these snakes into sticks!’
All broke out into required chuckles.
Herodias did not laugh.
Caiaphas, from behind his father-in-law, said, ‘What did you expect us to do? Flaunting your depravities in the open. Now you are facing a war with Aretas – all for that harlot!’
‘Tell them to shut up!’ his wife’s voice cut through the air like broken glass.
‘Yes, shut up!’ Herod reiterated without passion, ‘Both of you – get out!’ he clapped his hands, ‘We wish to interview the man alone.’
The two priests were shocked to the roots of their long greying beards, but they stood their ground and did not make a move.
‘Out! Out!’ Herod shooed them like chickens, ‘Are you deaf as well as stupid?’
More chuckles and hoots, and they were gone with their sour looks.
Herod let his eye fall on Jesus.
He considered the man and a sudden and inexplicable terror came over him. He was glad he was not alone with him. Perhaps, he considered, this was John the Baptist, come again to curse him further?
He held his breath and controlled his fear and brought calmness to bear upon his soul. ‘I have long desired to speak with you, Jesus…’ he said, mincing his words. ‘I have wished to ask you of your doings for I have heard much of your wisdom and this Kingdom of Heaven of which you teach…I would like you to tell me about it.’