Fifth Gospel(124)

After all this time, and after all the wanderings and painful prayers…do I now realise that I have been in search of something, which I have always known?

On the eve of the Paschal feast he took himself to the house given over to the Essenes where he knew his family would be celebrating the Pascha. He took the steps that led from the outside of the house up to the cenacle, the upper room lit by candles, but when he came to be standing beneath the lintel, not quite in view and yet at the threshold of the room, he was taken by incertitude. In his heart something told him that the circle around his stepbrother was closed and that there was no room for him. He was overcome with a feeling of grief for it and had decided to go, when a man he recognised, one of his stepbrother’s disciples, brushed past him making for the stairs. He had seen him at the temple, speaking to the priests. His name was Judas Iscariot, wild-eyed and taken by his thoughts he did not excuse himself but continued on into the darkness.

Disconcerted, Jacob had made his way to the temple where he waited in the cold, awful wind for the gates to open to allow those enter who were in charge of preparing the morning offering of the Chagigah. In the court of the Nazarites he kneeled, and alone and confused, fell to sleep until he was disturbed by the sounds of the bleating of the animals and a great commotion.

As he came out into the streets to see what had caused it, he realised that he had slept long, for the night was near given over to the green light of morning. A great crowd had gathered at the palace of Caiaphas. Many stood beneath lamps and torches and he went to them.

The pregnant moon hung in the west as he made his way through the outer court and into the inner court of the palace. He looked about for anyone he knew.

‘What has passed?’ he asked a man.

‘The heretic Jesus of Nazareth is seized and stands trial,’ the man answered.

With a vacant nod Jacob glanced about at a number of men huddled around a coal fire in the middle of the court. The glow of the fire’s blue flame threw shadows over a face he recognised, another of his stepbrother’s disciples. Jacob went to him but when he came near he heard a Levite say to the man, ‘Are you not Simon-Peter, one of those who followed Jesus, the heretic?’

The disciple buried his face in his wool robe and said, ‘No…I am not!’

‘Yes, I saw you at the Garden!’ another Temple guard added.

‘No! I tell you, you are wrong!’

‘He lies!’ said a woman nearby. ‘I have seen him with the Nazarene!’

He turned on the woman, ‘I do not know what you are saying, addled woman! For I know not the man! Leave me be!’

A cock crowed then and perturbed by it, the disciple hunched his shoulders and ran off into the crowds.

Jacob did not go after him, he continued on to the palace where he was recognised and allowed passage. Once inside the great rectangular hall surrounded by columns he searched among the many faces. The torches flapped in the breeze and in that cold light he saw no face he recognised. A great uproar was heard coming from the front of the hall, where on the raised platform sat the high priest, Caiaphas, among members of the Sanhedrin. From what Jacob could see there were only just enough men present to make a quorum, that is, twenty-three priests and rabbis, in a half circle formed by seats. As he made a way through the crowds he realised that the man who stood before these elders, surrounded by his accusers, was his stepbrother.

What had become of him since the supper in the cenacle made Jacob take a deep breath. Nothing could have prepared him for what now met his eyes. His stepbrother was a battered man, leaning to one side, with one eye bruised and the other squinting away at the blood that oozed from cuts to his scalp and his forehead. His nose was broken, his lips were swollen and he shook from his head to his bare feet, for his garments had been torn from his body and his hands were trussed up before him like an animal ready for the slaughterhouse.

A rising up of indignation was caught in his throat and his eyes filled with tears. He looked about for a support and found a column and leaning against it, transfixed, he watched and listened while the room erupted in screams for his brother’s blood.

Caiaphas was speaking to Jesus from his grand position on the dais, ‘Witnesses have heard your words, which make of you a defiler and a seducer and a heretic!’

Jesus did not answer.

One by one came the accusers came to shout out their charges and claims.

‘He said he would destroy the Temple, and rebuild it in three days!’

‘But he did not say he would build it with his hands!’

‘He calls himself the Son of Man!’

‘No! He says he is the Son of God!’