Fifth Gospel(117)

Some of the disciples began to mourn. John’s eyes filled with tears.

Christ Jesus said, from his position ahead of them, ‘You are sad now, I know it, and I tell you that you shall be even more sad later, but your distress will be turned into elation. Have courage! Do not let yourselves be afraid, for fear will make you sleep and I need you awake! Is it not true that when a woman labours she is full of sorrow because her hour is come, and then as soon as the child is born she is full of joy? I will die, that is certain, but what is death if not a spirit birth? Death, my brothers, is only semblance. I say to you, I was born from the spirit and again I shall leave the world, through death, and I shall return to the spirit and I will live again!’

John had known it all along, but only now did the others understand that their master was indeed going to his death. To this was added the understanding that his death would bring forth new life.

‘What do you wish us to do?’ asked Bartholomew, between tears. ‘Tell us, and we will do it because we love you!’

‘As I have told you, I am like a man taking a long journey. I leave my house and I command the porter to watch the gates until I return.’ He paused now to say to them, ‘You are my porters…if you love me keep watch! Do not let me find you sleeping…do not be tempted to sleep!’ his voice seemed full of exhaustion.

Joseph of Arimathea had given them the key to his garden, which was full of olive trees and roses and fruit trees, and they had often come here for contemplation, rest, and prayer during the last week. His master used the key now, to open the lock and they entered into the garden where all seemed strangely evil.

Simon-Peter said, ‘Lock it again Lord, it will buy us time.’

‘Why should I buy time? The Wheel of destiny is set in motion and all will be as it will be, you cannot change it…’ He took Simon-Peter’s face gently into his hands and looked deep into his eyes. ‘When will you understand, my little rock, why I have come to this earth? When will you see that I have not come to teach, or to heal, or to cause miracles? I have come to die!’

This last word took all of his breath and he let go of Simon-Peter’s face and continued walking. ‘The hour of darkness is at hand, the people, the guards, the priests, they all have their parts.’

‘Does no man have a choice?’ Philip said to him catching up. ‘What of the freedom you have told us about...are all things foreordained so that nothing can be changed? What of those who will persecute you, do they not stand a chance, or will they be condemned forever to pay for it?’

He said, ‘Until now you have all been bound to necessity and you have not been free. You have not been free but you have believed that you are free because you are trapped in illusion. What is to befall me soon is still necessary, Philip, but after my death you will have freedom and the possibility of salvation.’

‘Freedom from what?’ Philip asked.

‘Freedom from the illusion of death,’ Jesus answered. ‘I will die and overcome death to save the world from illusion, to show all of mankind that after death there is life. Then salvation may come for all, not only for those who love me, but also for those who are against me, those who raise their hands to strike me, and those who come this night to take me to my death. Rest assured, although these men do not know me, although they may spit upon me and call abuse and wound me, they shall remember me even after death, and this will prepare the way for them to come to me freely in their coming lives.’

‘What did he say?’ said Andrew.

Simon-Peter, stunned by his master’s words, now lost his composure entirely. ‘Why don’t you listen Andrew! Must I always be your ears? He says that everything that happens to him is destined to be, but that after he dies his death will bring about freedom so that even those who do not love him now, may choose to love him in the future!’

When they reached a clearing bordered by trees their master said to them, ‘John, Peter, James, come with me, the rest may remain here…pray that you do not fall asleep, that you are not tempted to lose yourselves. Through you the world will know how I have fought to wrest men’s souls from the clutches of death.’

John followed full of gloom as Christ Jesus took them to a different place, deeper into the garden.

Here he left them while he went to a copse not far off. John looked around to the shadowed corners, to the sky above and the moon that came and went behind clouds. A damp, frozen wind swept the trees and wound around the shivering group.

What would they do without him?

Where would they go?

They huddled together, those who had walked with him, broken bread with him and suffered with him all the deprivations of the last three years. They looked at one another with dread-filled faces for they understood with clarity that the hour had come. Had they not been warned of it time and again? And yet their eyes were matched in their un-readiness for it. Fear made a longing for the oblivion of sleep, a longing for the comfort of nothingness. Above, winged shadows menaced the moon and the wind was full of voices.