Fifth Gospel(105)

Each night his daily thoughts rose up into the ecstasy of dreams full of the consummation of their mutual passion. In his dreams she had wanted him with a near crazed desperation, which had fired his virility and turned the seed inside him and churned the waters of his soul.

During those long months apart from her, when the women were sent to Bethany for their safety and the disciples were sent out, two by two into the villages to announce the coming of the Kingdom, Judas’ desire had matured and curdled in the darkness of his soul. So much so that by the time he had returned to the rich youth’s house with the other disciples, it had sought, by any means, to find its satisfaction. What dread force of hate had he felt then on finding that in his absence a love had grown between Magdalena and Jesus? A love that others said was warm and calm of heart, full of wide spheres and generous pastures – a love that cared nothing for itself but sought only the welfare of the other.

A love he did not understand!

He suffered when he saw how Magdalena’s eyes were full of devotion for a man who would never take her in his arms and ignite her womanly passions.

Even Simon-Peter had seen it, and had asked Jesus, ‘Why do you love her more than all of us?’

‘Think of it like this, Peter,’ Jesus had told him, ‘I am the light of the world and your soul receives my light, my love, according to its capacity to see and to receive it. Magdalena’s soul has more capacity than yours, and for this reason she receives more love than you.’

Judas, blinded by anger, schemed and schemed.

Many of the disciples were simple fishermen and they did not know that Jesus had in the past months revealed secrets of initiation to ordinary people. The betrayal of these secrets was punishable by death and it was for this reason that the Pharisees and Sadducees sought vehemently to find witness of it. Judas would use this to his advantage, an advantage that became clearer at Perea where Jesus finally unveiled his reason for leaving his ailing favourite, Lazarus, behind.

When Jesus told his worried disciples that Lazarus’ sickness was not unto death, but only a sleep, that his sleep was for the glory of God, Judas put two and two together. Lazarus was not dying but undergoing an initiation, and this was the reason why Jesus waited a day before returning to Bethany, since the initiation must last three days.

Jesus wanted to make a show of his power near to Jerusalem, not those powers that had made possible the raising of the dead boy at Nain, but something higher. Jesus would show to all men what lived only in the deepest recesses of the mystery temples: the raising of an initiate from the tomb, from the underworld of the dead!

Everything now made sense. Throughout their time in Perea when Jesus spoke of the good shepherd who gives life to his sheep he was pointing to himself as the priest who is the awakener of initiates. When he had spoken of other sheep which were not of the fold but which the shepherd must bring forth with a call he had been speaking of Lazarus. But when Jesus had said that he and the Father were one, Judas recognised these as mystery words. Words that meant a priest was ready to use the forces of the Father, that is, the forces of his will to awaken the body of an initiate and to raise him from his temple sleep.

No man came to the Father, that is, no man returned to the physical body from the three-day initiation sleep except through a priest!

Jesus was not a priest! This would be enough to destroy him.

Now, when they came near Bethany, some furlongs from the township, they passed that desolate place of burial where tombs are set into the walls of the hills. Here, near what they called The House of Rest, many men stood mourning without their women, as was the custom. The sun was near gone over the land and made long shadows of those dry hills when the mourners turned to see Jesus and rushed to tell him of Lazarus. Soon Andrew was sent to fetch Martha and the woman came, in her drab attire of lament, with her face the colour of ashes.

She fell at Jesus’ feet and told him that Lazarus was dead. She said that had Jesus had been here he could have prevented his death by performing a miracle. She said her sister Magdalena was full of grief and was sitting as still as death in the house waiting for him to come.

Judas watched Jesus carefully. His face showed pain for her sorrow and something other, which he could not discern. Jesus told Martha that Lazarus was not dead, for he was the resurrection and the life and all who believed in him though they were dead would live. After that she fell on her knees and affirmed that he was Christ, the Son of God.

He said to her, ‘Tell Magdalena I call her. That she must arise, for I need her by my side.’

Martha took herself away and many came to gather around, speculating as to what Jesus might do next, but Judas was taken by something else that emerged from out of the sun’s vanishing luminance – the figure of Magdalena.