A week ago, he would have tried again to tell himself she was too young, that she didn’t have enough experience to know the real thing. After all, he’d once been young and naive enough to think he loved Noah’s mother.
But the past days on the road had proved Ari’s age had nothing whatsoever to do with how strong she was. How brave. How fearless.
All he wanted was to make her happy, and hearing those same words from his lips would bring her the joy he sought to give her. But Matt never made promises he couldn’t keep.
Ari was beautiful and special and unique, but he still didn’t know if he was capable of giving her what she truly needed. She deserved real love, which meant you never, ever let a person down. Yet he’d let her down today, hadn’t he?
Because no matter how much Ari thought she could take, he should have gotten her out of there the moment the widow Esterhausen started to spew her vitriol. It was exactly like that day the little bully had slapped the book out of Noah’s hand. Matt had watched, waiting for the right moment to step up, only to be too late.
That was why he couldn’t say those words back to her yet. Not until he knew for sure that he could be a better man who would never, ever let her down. Which meant, at the very least, keeping his promise of finding her brother.
Still, he needed to give her something right now. Needed her to know how much she meant to him, even if he couldn’t give her the words he knew she wanted to hear.
He drew back from her beautiful mouth. “Ari—”
She put a finger over his lips. “I love you. I need you to know that. But that doesn’t mean you have to say it back tonight.”
Her smile was as sweet and gentle as her touch, and he was amazed that she could bare her heart to him so fearlessly. He’d brought her into his life so that she could teach his son, but Matt was the one who was learning the most from her.
Learning how to trust again.
Learning how to find joy in the little things, like a sunny afternoon on a backyard trampoline.
Learning how to have hope even when the odds all seemed stacked against you.
“Ari—” he began again, but before he could fumble his words, she kissed him, taking all the things he felt but didn’t know how to say and transforming them into sweet, boundless pleasure.
Chapter Twenty-Four
They headed home the next day, stopping briefly at Matt’s house to pick up the Halloween costumes before going to Will Franconi’s place in Portola Valley.
Matt hadn’t said he loved her, and Ari wouldn’t lie to herself and say it didn’t hurt. But there was something different and special in the way he looked at her now, in the gentleness of his touch, the sweetness of his kisses.
Ari had stopped fighting the depth of her feelings days ago, weeks even, but she knew that Matt needed more time, especially given how things had gone with his ex. Who wouldn’t need extra time to heal after that train wreck?
But letting herself fall headlong in love didn’t mean she’d completely lost control. There was no way she could look at Daniel, talk to Susan and Bob Spencer, mingle with Matt’s friends, or pick up Noah in her arms, if they were all thinking she was some dumb hick who’d tumbled foolishly into bed with the rich guy she worked for. Or worse, that she was a schemer who was only after his money.
A powerful instinct told her that the only way what they’d shared could work outside of these few private days on the road was if they were both equal partners in love—not if she was the only one with hearts in her eyes. Which was why she didn’t want to claim Matt publicly until he was ready to claim her too.
That was the last thing they’d talked about before they’d gotten out of the car in Will and Harper’s driveway. Matt had looked slightly uncomfortable as he’d said, “While we’re here, I don’t know if we—” He’d broken off with a low curse.
“I agree.” She’d been trying to figure out how to say the same thing and was glad he’d brought it up first. “What happened…it would be best to keep it just between us for now.” Though he’d started the discussion, he didn’t look relieved about keeping them a secret. She’d tucked the evidence away inside her heart as yet more proof that he truly cared about her even if he hadn’t said the words she so wanted to hear. “I’m not ashamed of what we’re doing, but it’s just all so new.” And you need more time. “For now, it seems like enough for the two of us to keep figuring things out without everyone else weighing in.”
He’d been silent for several beats before finally nodding. “You’re right. My friends and family are great, but they can be a hell of a peanut gallery.” He reached for her hand and held on tight. “This road trip was great, Ari. I loved being with you.”