Fearless In Love(18)

He’d eaten SpaghettiOs with Noah tonight, laughing whenever his son said something funny. But he couldn’t mask the strain around his eyes when Noah wasn’t looking.

“What would you like to read tonight, sweetie?” With Noah’s hand in hers, she hunkered down by the bookshelves, the colorful choices calling out to them. Books truly did open up worlds—all those times when she’d felt alone, without a family, she’d taken temporary refuge in the books she devoured.

Noah grabbed a book and held it up for his father. “This one.” James and the Giant Peach.

“I can’t wait to hear your daddy read it to you.”

When Matt’s eyes met hers, Ari saw utter bleakness. There would be other scrapes, bumps, and bruises, because Noah was full of energy and would keep on running, because that’s what little boys did. How would Matt handle it?

She didn’t have any answers tonight, only knew that he needed to relax enough to read to his happy son. She almost grabbed his hand and shoved the book into it, but finally Matt curled his fingers around the spine.

Ari took her usual spot. And despite his mood, Matt got into voice, reading with exaggeration, big highs and low lows, Noah hanging on every word.

Her heart overflowed. She hugged her knees, letting the sight of father and son become part of her.

She hoped to someday sit watching her beautiful children with their father. Maybe it was having a mom who wanted her next fix more than she needed new shoes for her daughter—but Ari had always vowed to be a great mother, giving them everything she’d never had herself. She knew it was exactly how Matt felt about his son.

When Noah finally fell asleep, Matt laid the book on the table, then slid out from the bed covers so he wouldn’t wake him. Pulling the covers over Noah’s shoulder, Matt leaned down to kiss him, lingering as if he needed to breathe in his son’s little-boy smell.

After Ari kissed Noah, Matt followed her out, pausing at the door to take one last long look at his sleeping child. Finally, he flipped out the light, leaving the door half open as usual. But instead of their nightly ritual of discussing the day, Matt mumbled a good night and turned away.

Maybe she should let him brood. Maybe anyone else would leave him alone in his sorrow. But Ari just couldn’t.

“He’s safe, you know,” she said quietly. “Perfectly safe and sound with only a scratch that’s already healing.”

He stopped, his back stiff, his hand on the wall as if to brace himself. “It could have been so much worse.”

She took two steps closer. “Do you blame me?”

He turned sharply, his dark, bleak eyes meeting hers. “Of course not. He saw me and he ran. It wasn’t your fault. It was mine. I shouldn’t have surprised you both. I should have taught him never to run by the pool. I should have done something, anything, to make sure he didn’t fall.”

One more step, close enough to breathe in his scent, to feel his heat, to touch his face. She wanted to surround him with her warmth, as if that could ease his tension. Cupping his jaw, she forced him to look at her. “Can’t you see that if I’m not to blame, then you aren’t either?”

His muscles rippled under her fingers as he clenched his teeth and gritted out, “Protecting him is my job. The most important thing I do. And I let him down.”

“No.” She couldn’t bear to watch him tear himself up any longer. “You were there for him. You caught him. And he knows you love him every single second.”

For a moment, hope flashed in Matt’s eyes. But just as quickly as it came, it was extinguished.

“Matt.” His name was the barest whisper on her lips. “Don’t do this. You’re a good man. A great father.”

“You barely know me.”

“I know enough.”

But when she looked up into his eyes, she could see that he wasn’t listening. He could hear only the harsh and critical voices inside his head. She’d had to fight those enough times herself to understand just how hard it was to do it on your own. So she did the only other thing she could think of to slice through those voices.

She closed her eyes, went up on her tippy toes.

And put her mouth on his.



Matt knew he should fight it, but everything in him needed Ari’s touch, her lips on his.

She reminded him of all the things he wanted…and all the things he wasn’t in control of. He couldn’t control what she did to him—how badly he wanted to taste her, touch her, lose himself in her, and forget everything else. He wasn’t able to stop Noah from reacting to everything with enthusiasm and excitement, and the truth was that he didn’t want to. Of course he wanted his kid to run to him and throw himself into his arms—Matt just wanted Noah to stay completely safe while he did all those things.