“What did you dream about?”
I didn’t want to tell him. If I told him the truth, he’d think it meant something ominous was hovering on the horizon. Sometimes dreams are just dreams, aren’t they? Besides, I wouldn’t want to hear him tell me that he routinely dreamed of my death. So I lied.
“Not much, just you know,” I paused. “About Akin,”
Thayde didn’t move. His breathing quickened. “Akin.” He flatly repeated. He knew I was lying.
“Yeah,”
Pulling himself away, he looked me directly in the eyes. “What did you dream, Morgan?”
I hesitated, not knowing what to say. I hated lying. Whenever I did, I always got caught.
“Morgan,” Thayde said promptly, “you’re not telling me the truth.”
Who did he think he was - my father? Here we were, already living together, acting like a married couple without the benefits. I was already upset with the fact that ‘playing’ never went anywhere and now he was demanding I tell him what I was thinking. Something in me seemed to snap and I became very angry. He always wanted to know what I was dreaming, what I was thinking, where I was going. What right did he have to demand so much of me? He didn’t own me.
“You’re not my dad, Thayde.” I moved to the other side of the bed, slid off and grabbed my hair tie from the bureau. “Why are you being so demanding?”
Before he could answer me, my thoughts tumbled out of my mouth. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling so angry toward him, but I couldn’t control myself.
“You’re always asking me what I’m thinking, feeling, dreaming – it’s like you think you own me! Sometimes I wish you’d just leave me alone.”
I could see I’d hurt him. The pain I caused him hit me and I instantly felt awful. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, with his hands in his lap. His hair fell about his beautiful face and I wanted to run to him and beg for forgiveness.
“I’m not trying to be your father, Morgan.” His voice was hushed. “I’m just trying to help you.” His gaze reached deep into my heart, crushing it.
Frustration, hurt, and impatience filled me. I knew I’d been wrong to lie, but really, I didn’t want to tell him anything because I knew he’d think it meant something. These dreams were just my fears. The last thing I wanted was for him to start preparing for something that wasn’t going to happen. Since The Judgment, everyone had begun to act as if it was the end of the world if I had a headache or tripped or if I dreamed about something weird. Enough was enough! I had had it.
“Thayde, if I’m The Link, no one can help me, can they? I’m supposed to figure all this out on my own. You’re not going to be able to do anything and neither is anyone else. All of you have got to let up. Mom jumps sky high if I sneeze and Tammer’s always reading my mind for signs. I can’t take it anymore and the way you’ve been acting lately, it’s as if you think you need to control me or something.”
He shook his head and I held up my hand to stop him. “I can’t take this anymore, and I certainly can’t ask you to do this either.”
“Do what?”
Stop, stop, stop! Part of me was screaming at myself to shut up. The other part wanted to put an end to everything. “Put your life on hold, trying to protect me. You’ve got a really bright future ahead of you and I’d only hold you back. I can’t stand that everyone’s on hiatus and I hate being controlled. Trying to control me or my life is not the answer.”
Thayde stared at me with those big blue eyes.
“You think I want to control you?”
I didn’t answer. Instead, I pulled my hair into a ponytail and stood with my hands on my hips. The anger in me wasn’t backing down.
“What are you saying?”
“I’m saying I don’t know if moving in together was the best thing.” The instant I said it, I regretted it.
“You don’t mean that.” His voice cracked.
“I do. I just think we’re moving too fast. Maybe we need to stop and think about being apart for a while. Maybe we shouldn’t be together.”
As he stood, the sheet fell from around his waist, cascading to the floor and lay crumpled about his feet.
“You want us to be apart?”
No! I wanted to scream and fling myself over the edge of the building. What was going on with me? I had no control! But I answered before I could stop myself.
“I think so. Maybe we were a mistake.”
A breath escaped his mouth, as if he’d been punched in the gut. He nodded and reached for his shirt. The pained look on his face brought tears to my eyes.