“I have to go,” I muttered and turned to leave.
“Wait,” she begged. “I could be your friend if you help me get out of here. We could find my lover and we could rule the world. It would be so much fun. He will beat you and rape you, but after a while you won’t mind. If you close your eyes you can float to another place with ponies and fireflies. I promise to take my share. I always did my share. Will you help me?”
Oh my God. I dropped to my knees and my body curled in on itself as I tried to hold back the bile in my throat. Anger and a feeling of helplessness consumed me. I wanted to tear at my own skin. Was she a victim too? Had my father destroyed her long before she was my mother? I knew she’d been reincarnated many times. She went back to my father each life and they built an army to destroy the world, but had it been his idea or hers?
Tears stung my eyes and I realized she wasn’t capable of love. It had been beaten out of her many lifetimes before she gave birth to me. Forgiveness was no longer difficult. She was so broken it was almost unfathomable. I knew without a doubt what I was going to do.
I glanced back at George and Ethan who stood quietly and watched. Every muscle in my mate’s body was tense and the pain I saw in his eyes made me love him even more. He was going to be a beautiful father and I was going to be a beautiful mother. I just had one more thing to do here.
Letting my mind leave my body, I closed my eyes and searched for my mother. She was blocked. There was no way in. I pressed my hands to my forehead and tried again. Closed. Why couldn’t I go in? She had no chance. My father had destroyed her the same way he had destroyed Lance and the other Demons. I wanted to give my mother one last gift. She was by no means innocent of guilt, but she was as much a victim as the ones I’d shown mercy on yesterday.
“You can’t enter the mind of a soul,” George said.
I whipped around and stared at him. How did he know what I was doing? Hell, I didn’t even care. I just wanted his help. “Is there any way to end her suffering?” I asked desperately.
“None that I know of,” he said.
“I was meant to rule the world,” she screamed, coming completely unhinged. “Find my lover, girl. Bring him to me and he will reward you with immortality and riches. He promised.” She was now foaming at the mouth and her beauty was marred by the blood and pus that poured from her wounds. She had smeared it all over her face and in her hair. It was all I could do to look at her.
“I will try to find him for you,” I promised, telling her what I thought she wanted to hear. “I promise to find the answer to help you.”
“You’re a good girl,” she grunted as she slapped at the flames. “I wish I’d known you better.”
“So do I,” I whispered. “Goodbye.” I turned back to George and Ethan. “Take me out of here. Now.”
“As you wish.”
Chapter 23
It took several hours of staring into space before I was ready to speak. Ethan sat next to me and General George lay quietly at my feet. I wanted to give mercy to the woman who had shown me no compassion in life. Putting the sad pieces of her story together made my heart break. I was no longer surprised at how happy everyone was that I had killed my father. He was horrific. Truly horrific.
“I want to end her—to give her peace,” I said.
“I know.” Ethan reached over and held me.
“She was already gone before she was mine and that wasn’t her fault.”
“She made choices,” the General said flatly. “She went to him willingly.”
“Yes, but under false pretenses. I know she was greedy and committed horrors over her lifetimes, but . . . after lifetimes of concentrated abuse and rape, do you really think she had free will to make a choice to leave? Do you?” I demanded.#p#分页标题#e#
“I do not know. It is not my place to condemn or forgive, nor is it yours,” he said.
“I think nothing is black and white. You talk of balance and good and evil, who in the hell is keeping tabs here? It certainly doesn’t seem like Satan is,” I yelled.
George simply stared at me.
“I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. Maybe it’s not even Satan’s. With as many people that are here who could really dig deep enough to figure all the nuances out?” I reached out and ran my hand through George’s soft fur. “I’m just sad and angry.”
“I know, child. I will leave you now to rest. I will see you this evening.”
With that he disappeared in a burst of glitter. I glanced at where George had lain and saw something shiny.
“Did the General lay an egg or does he poop shimmering rocks?” I asked, leaning off the couch to peer at what looked like a small shiny egg or worse.