Fashionably Dead Down Under(41)

“It’s a subfloor below the main level,” he said through his eyebrows in a voice that could clearly be heard by both Ethan and myself.
“But I thought there was the Basement, the Sub-Basement, the Rehab Room, Purgatory and the main floor,” I said, wondering if Dixie had kept information from me.
“So Dante had it all wrong,” Ethan muttered.
“He’ll be here on Thursday night. He plays poker with Satan.”
“What?” Ethan asked.
“I’ll explain later,” I told him with a wave of my hand. “So General and Bambi, this isn’t an actual level?”
“It’s Hell’s waiting room. Of course there are cells to hold prisoners here too,” Bambi explained.
I glanced around at the destroyed room and panicked. “We need to get Ethan out of here before someone comes in to check on him . . . Wait! Where in the hell are my monsters?” My stomach roiled and I ran around the room looking beneath the rubble. “Damndamndamn.”
“Astrid, stop. They’re here.” Ethan’s voice snapped me out of my frenzied search.
“Where?”
“They’re hanging onto the back of my pants I believe . . . are they about three inches tall with a breast obsession?”
“Just Abe and Ross,” I sighed, relieved that they were okay. “You can see them?”
“Apparently.” He laughed and shrugged. “They’re quite amusing.”
“Tell me about it. Come out, you little shits.”
They crawled to Ethan’s broad shoulders, careful to avoid his wounds.
“Mommmmmeeeeeeyyyyy,” Abe gushed. “We so happy to see you.”
“Me like Mommy’s mate. He pretty,” Beyonce cooed, giving Ethan little wet kisses.
“We’ll discuss your disappearing act later. Get in my pockets. We’re getting out of here.”
“Doggies,” Ross shrieked and waved wildly at General George and Bambi. The Hell Hounds woofed and wagged their enormous puffy tails. They had tails? How had I not seen those? They were huge. As soon as they were done greeting my babies the tails disappeared. Question answered.
“How you get the chains off the pretty man?” Rachel asked, pointing to the luminous metal while blowing gleeful raspberries at the Hounds.
“I’m not sure, but I’ll figure it out,” I mumbled, staring at the intricate knotting on the chains.
“You will do no such thing,” Ethan snapped, going all alpha Vampyre on me.
“Listen, sweetie,” I shot back. “I would die for you, so a couple of shocks won’t hurt me.”
“And our child?” he asked, staring at me with an expression of wonder mixed with anger.
“I was going to tell you,” I said quickly, “but then a bunch of stuff happened, you know—I killed my mom, then my dad and then the icky Demons showed up and . . . ”
“And?”
And . . . I had no excuse. I should have told him the minute I found out. “I’m so sorry.” Tears flooded my eyes and I leaned into his body, avoiding the chains. “I’m sorry.”
“I’m not sorry,” he said gruffly and kissed the top of my head. “I am beyond words. I am more in love with you than I thought possible. I will not let you harm yourself or our child.”
“There’s got to be a way,” I insisted. “General, Bambi, can you undo the magic on the chains?”
“No, child, but you can,” George informed me.
“You gonna tell me how?”
“Now where would the fun in that be?”
“You’re a dick, George. I suppose I have to use some Demon voodoo?” I moaned.
“Yep.” He gave me a Hell Hound grin that would have scared the Cousin Bejesus out of me if I didn’t know him.
“Will my black gloves help?” I asked, already knowing the answer.
“Go for it,” Bambi cheered me on.
Mad. I needed to get mad. Well now, that wouldn’t be too hard . . .
“So you did my cousin?” I asked Ethan.
“I’m sorry, what?”
“You played hide the salami with Lust?”
“She’s your cousin?” He was surprised.
“Do. Not. Answer. My. Question. With. A. Question.” I yelled. “Did you hit that?”
“Dear God.” Ethan rolled his eyes. “It was over three hundred years ago and I truly don’t remember it.”
“Beside the point,” I said, picturing it. Ewwwww.
“Astrid, you didn’t exist three hundred years ago. Surely you realize I have a past,” he said in that obnoxious Vampyre way that normally turned me on, but not this time.
“But my cousin?”
“Would you mind explaining that?”
“Sure,” I snapped, furious that I couldn’t control my jealousy. “Satan is my uncle and the scarier than hell Seven Deadly Sins are my cousins, along with Beelzebub’s other daughter Dixie who I actually like. Of course, I’d hate to leave out Uncle God and Cousin Jesus, but I haven’t exactly met them yet. And apparently my grandma, Mother Nature, is a ginormous bitch . . . Did I forget anything? Oh yeah, my grandpa, Satan’s dad—not God’s, likes to pretend he’s a wall and screw with my head. Happy?” I shouted.