Fashionably Dead Down Under(28)

I pointed my fingers at the energy and a fireworks show exploded from my hands. I hit my intruder. I didn’t want to kill him. I wanted to question him before I destroyed him. And if I was perfectly honest with myself, I wasn’t sure I could kill him. I had no clue what he was.
“Very good!” the voice yelled.
Why in the Hell was the voice happy? I blasted it with some kind of Demon magic. I mean that shit had to hurt. Right? Come to think of it, why in the Hell did the voice all of a sudden sound familiar to me? It sounded like the Sprite I met at my mother’s funeral. What was a Sprite doing in Hell?
I gritted my teeth and waited for him to show himself. “Materialize. Now.”
He did. My annoyance increased with the smug satisfaction on his face. It was that little Sprite shit. I was going to kill him. “Did you think that was a good joke? Because I didn’t.”
“Darling Astrid, you were wonderful!” He clapped his adorable little Oompa Loompa hands and grinned from ear to ear.
As cute as he was I was not about to let him off easily. “Clearly you know my name, but I’m at a loss about yours.”
“I’m your grandpa.”
“What? You’re a Sprite.” He was so full of shit.
“I’m a Demon Sprite and I’m most definitely your grandpa.” He grinned with delight and held his arms out for a hug.
“Nope. No bonding until you answer some questions, little man.”
“I prefer Grandpa, but I’ve answered to much worse.”
My Grandpa was the cutest man alive. I pressed my fists into my sides so I wouldn’t start squeezing him. It didn’t surprise me that he spent a lot of time in traction because the Deadly Sins had squeezed and loved on him too hard. I had a horrific compulsion to grab him and cuddle him. I knew my jaw had clenched and my lips had pursed. The same way they would if I saw an adorable puppy or a super cute baby. I had to bite my tongue so I wouldn’t start spouting baby gibberish to him.
“You want to hug me to your bosom and shower me with kisses,” Grandpa informed me smugly.#p#分页标题#e#
“Ewwww,” I groaned, “do not say bosom. That’s disgusting.”
“You have a mouth like a sailor and you’re offended by bosom?” he asked with a twinkle in his eye.
“No. Just when you imply that I’m going to connect you to mine. It sounds wrong—like illegal wrong.”
“I do see your point,” he agreed. “But I meant nothing of the sort.”
“Good to know.” I rolled my eyes and stared at the little man who called himself my grandpa. “Was that you in the bedroom of the Dark Palace?”
“Yes!” He was positively gleeful. “I wanted to show myself, but it wasn’t the right time.”
“So wait, you’re Satan’s dad and God’s dad?”
“Oh no dear, Satan and God share the same mother. They’re half brothers.”
“And their mother is?”
Grandpa glanced around the room in terror. “Mother Nature,” he whispered.
“Right.” I laughed and rolled my eyes.
“For the love of everything evil,” he moaned and shuddered, “don’t do that. If she’s hears or sees you, we’re all screwed.”
“For real?” His fear was rubbing off a bit. Although I was having a hard time believing Mother Nature was real.
“Yes, my dear. Let’s leave that subject for now, shall we?”
“Ooookay, um . . . I killed your other son.” I figured just getting it out on the table was for the best.
“Yes,” he agreed. “Thank you for that. He always was a problem child.”
“You’re not mad?”
“Absolutely not. Now, his mother may be a bit put out . . . ”
“And his mother is?” I asked, hoping he was also Satan’s half brother.
Grandpa glanced around and then mouthed “Mother Nature.”
Fuck.
“I suppose that meeting will turn out just peachy,” I muttered, praying that day never came.
“We’ll try and avoid that at all costs,” he said. “How are you controlling yourself around me? Dixie is the only one who doesn’t cause me bodily harm.”
“No clue,” I answered. “I would like to squish you, but maybe if you stay over there I’ll be able to abstain. And why in the hell didn’t my fireworks show hurt you? You should be dead.”
“Yes, yes.” Grandpa’s eyes sparkled with joy.
“So?”
“So,” he continued gleefully, “on any other Demon that would have worked, but not on me. In fact,” he pondered seriously, “I believe there are only several beings in the entire universe that your power will not work on.”