It isn't until I'm awoken by a familiar voice that I feel a frisson of hope. Officer Wright. He came. It's been so long since I've seen him. Such a simple, genuine man. He was a friend of my father's and he always looked out for me. He cared enough to come all this way, and I can't help but burst into his arms, hugging him tightly.
"I missed you too kiddo." He laughs gently, hugging me back.
I lean back and take a good look at him. He's older now, and grayer too. His dark brown hair is more of a salt and pepper style now, but the kind green eyes are the same. He was close to my own father in age, and I imagine for a moment what my Dad would look like if he was still alive.
"Thank you for coming," I say gratefully. "I didn't know who else to call."
"Of course." He smiles softly. "You've been through a lot kid, and there was no way I was going to let you go through this on your own."
He runs a hand through his hair, his expression turning serious, and just like that our warm reunion is over. "They tell me you've refused bail."
"Yes."
"Why Victoria? You didn't do anything wrong. What you did was very brave, and you more than likely saved the lives of your two friends. You could be out free until they can get this mess cleared up. Why would you want to stay in here?"
I choke back a sob, my voice quivering as I speak. "Because, I'm not free. After all these years of running, Eleanore is finally gone, and she's still messing with me. I don't want to let myself hope if even for a second I could be wrong, just to end up having it all taken away from me. I will never be free until I can walk out of here knowing that my life is my own. That I can live without fear or being controlled by unknown circumstances."
Officer Wright gives a slow nod as my words sink in, letting out a deep sigh. "I can understand where you're coming from, kiddo. You've been to hell and back, that's for sure. But it's over now, and I have faith that the fine detectives working this case will prove it was self-defense." He pauses for a moment, furrowing his brow before continuing. "But these things take time, kid. It could be months before all of this goes away. I really think you should reconsider staying in here until then."
Months. The word is like a knife to my chest. But I don't have a choice. I refuse to leave, to walk free, worrying about whether or not the charges might stick after all. I refuse to have hope only to have my freedom ripped away again. I won't let myself hope until all of this is over. And only then will I finally have my life back.
"I understand that, Officer Wright," I say solemnly. "But this is just something I have to do. I can't live one more day of my life like that, looking over my shoulder, wondering what's going to happen to me. Being afraid. I refuse to do it anymore."
He shakes his head, but I swear I see a glimmer of pride in his eyes. "You really are something kid, I'll tell you that. Your Dad would be so proud of the young woman you've become. How strong you are." His voice cracks slightly as he pulls an old photo out of his pocket, handing it to me. I almost break down when I see the warm brown eyes staring back at me.
"He had so much regret over bringing that woman into your lives," Officer Wright continues. "How she hurt you. You were his whole world, you know that kid."
"I know." I smile through the tears, rubbing my thumb over the worn photo of my father.
"And I regret every day that I wasn't able to do more for you. Somehow I knew it would all come down to something like this eventually. I had hoped that Eleanore would stop looking for you, but I knew in my gut it wasn't true. I never stopped thinking about you all these years you've been away. I liked to imagine that you were on a sunny beach in Mexico somewhere, enjoying your life. But it was just a silly dream," he says.
"A sunny beach in Mexico sounds nice." I grin. "Maybe I should have considered that. You must have got the shock of your life when you got the phone call."
"You have no idea," he says. "I was scared for you, more than anything. But also relieved in some strange way." He looks up to study my face, still bruised and swollen from my assault. "How are you holding up anyway, kid? Are you doing okay?"
I glance at the photo in my lap, seeking comfort in my Dad's warm smile. "Yes, I'm okay," I murmur. "I don't know, maybe I should feel something else, like more guilt. But I don't. I was sad when it was happening, I wanted to believe there was still a part of her that was human. I gave her every chance to change how this ended, but she wouldn't bend. She was so sick in the head she killed herself just to try to ruin my life. And that man, Allan, he attacked me. And he would have killed me if I didn't shoot him, so I'm not sorry. I can't feel bad about that."
Officer Wright pulls me into a tight hug, his chest trembling with repressed emotion as he tries to comfort me. "I'm glad to hear it," he whispers. "I don't ever want you blaming yourself for this."
The cell feels lonely when Officer Wright leaves, but he promises he'll be back soon. He leaves me a parting gift too, but it's something that I'm not really certain I even want to open. I stare at the crisp white envelope in my hand, wondering who it could be from.
When I finally crack the seal, I recognize the neat handwriting immediately.
Victoria,
I can't imagine the thoughts that are going through your head right now. So much has happened, and I don't even know where to begin.
First of all, and most importantly, I need you to know that I love you. I can't even sleep without you beside me. I want you to come home. I miss you.
You must think I'm a complete asshole after hearing about Anya. But, please hear me out. It really isn't what you think. Anya came to my apartment in the middle of the night, scared and bleeding from her face. She had been out on a date with a man, and he attacked her. As soon as she came to my place, I called the police and they came and took the report. I called Angelina over to stay with Anya in the guest bedroom and watch over her for the night. I slept in my own room, with the door locked. Anya was in no state to go anywhere, and I just gave her a safe place to crash for the evening. You can confirm all of this with Angelina if you wish. Believe me, I wasn't happy about it either, but I agreed that Anya shouldn't be alone. I was going to tell you about it the next day, but I was taken before I even got the chance. I'm so sorry for whatever you must be feeling towards me right now. I need you to know you are the only woman I want, and I would never hurt you in that way.
As for Alanna, she wants to explain herself to you as well. I don't know the whole story, but I do know that she cares about you. She's still in the hospital, and I have been to see her several times to make sure she's doing okay. Nathan seems to be taking good care of her.
I don't know what else to say right now. I feel so lost without you. Please, baby, come home with me. We'll figure all of this out together.
I love you
Gabriel
Chapter Eight
Victoria
Gabriel. I hug the letter to my chest, suddenly missing him so much it hurts to breathe. The thought that our relationship hangs in the balance is too painful to bear. What's going to happen to us if I can't beat these charges?
I can't think about any of it right now. Slipping back into numbness, I fold the letter up and stash it beneath my mattress. Out of sight … hopefully out of mind.
The next two weeks drift by agonizingly slow. It seems like all I can do is sleep. Officer Wright is the only person I allow on my approved visitors list, and he stops in frequently. The police department was kind enough to give him a place to crash while he's here, but he says he'll have to go back to Idaho soon.
The guards have tried to deliver several more letters from Gabriel, but I refused them. I can't think about him right now. I need to tuck him and all of my feelings away until I know what's going to happen. It isn't easy, in fact, it's been agonizing. I want nothing more than to take comfort in his loving words, but I know I can't. It's only going to make it that much more difficult if the charges are kept.
The detectives, as well as Gabriel's attorney have stopped by several times to question me. The same questions, over and over, it seems like. I guess they're testing me, but I never waver. I'm telling the truth, and that's all I can do.
After the third week, Officer Wright is gone but continues to send me letters from Idaho. I'm grateful for his help. I've stopped sleeping as much and started reading books instead. I find comfort in them, one of the few things I still can. Right now I'm reading The Count of Monte Cristo. Somewhat fitting given my current circumstances. I want something lengthy to keep me occupied.