I look away from the intensity in his face. I tug at my skirt nervously.
"Jenna knew," I say softly. "You told her."
"Jenna was there from the beginning," Zane says. "When I was twelve and getting all kinds of shit, my dad decided we needed a new start. We moved from Seattle to L.A. I started school with a new name and a clean slate. Aiden is my middle name, O’ Connor is my mother’s maiden name. I was Aiden Cross when I met Jenna. Then someone took a video of me singing at a party, and put it online. I've been Aiden Cross since."
Zane gives a little shrug, like it's no big deal that he was discovered as a kid and became an internet sensation overnight.
"You could have told me!" I burst out. "You should have told me. I mean—god, I told you—I told you everything! I trusted you, and all this time...you didn't trust me with your little secret."
"I did trust you—I do. No, look at me, Violet!" He grabs my hand, but this time doesn't let go. "I'm so sorry I hurt you. But please believe me. I didn't tell you because I didn’t want to lose you. I thought I could have it all. I fucked up."
I'm a mess right now, choking on my tears. I desperately try to hold onto my control, but I just can't. My heart is breaking.
"Were you ever going to tell me?!"
Zane looks pained. Does he feel sorry for me now? Is that what this is about?
"I was going to tell you when I took you to my place."
I yank my hand away from his grasp and angrily wipe my eyes. "Then what, huh? 'Thanks for the memories, it was good while it lasted'?"
"No." He leans back in his seat and sighs. "I was going to tell you everything and beg for your forgiveness. You were supposed to say it's okay, you understand, and you love me, anyway—because you know the real me. Then I was going to ask you to stay with me, because I am so in love with you."
My heart gives one big thump before it falls to the floor and shatters into a million pieces. Shaking my head, I whisper, "Don't say that to me. Not now."
"Why not? You wanted the truth, right?"
"So, what now? This—it won't work. We can't work. What am I suppose to do? Follow you around to your concerts and watch while girls flash their breasts at you? God, you thought I was jealous before..."
"None of that matters!" Zane runs his hands through his hair, frustrated. "You're the only thing that matters. Violet, please....give us a chance. I can't lose you."
"You lied to me!" I sob. "I don't know what's real."
"This is real."
He pulls me close and kisses me, hard and deep.
I kiss him back, helpless to resist. I climb onto his lap, sinking into him, shutting everything out—all the lies, the millions of reasons why we can't be together—for a few precious seconds.
"Tell me you love me," Zane says roughly, between our desperate kisses.
"I love you," I whisper. "But I can't be with you."
I pull myself away from him, and it's the hardest thing I've had to do.
"I don't want to see you again...Aiden."
I reach blindly for the handle. Zane grabs my hand.
"Violet—"
"No!"
I twist away from him, and open the door. Refusing to look at him, I slip out of his truck and walk towards the restaurant.
Don't look back.
Before I go in, I swipe my hands over my face to wipe away the tear tracks. I don't care how much of a mess I am, but I don't want them to see me cry. Not again.
Taco Bill's is super crowded, of course. I spot Matt and Rachel, sitting on the same side of a booth. Matt sees me and waves. He seems shocked at my appearance. I just nod at him and look for Kim.
She's sitting at a big table with a bunch of her giggly friends. I catch her eye and wave her over. She comes immediately.
"You okay, Violet? It looks like you’ve been crying."
I shake my head and force a smile to my face. "Kim, can you do me a favor? Can you take me to Lauren's?"
"Um, sure. Just let me tell the gang, okay?"
Before we leave, I hesitate by the door, peering out at the parking lot. I am relieved to see that Zane's truck is gone.
I'm never going to see him again.
Chapter 32
Kim let's me cry on the car ride to Lauren's in silence, for which I am immeasurably grateful. I ask her to come up with me, and she does.
Lauren is surprised to see the both of us, but quickly invites us in. She orders the twins to go to their friend's apartment downstairs, and they obey her no-nonsense tone.
I tell Lauren and Kim everything. Kim's eyes grow wider and wider.
"You had sex with Aiden Cross?!"
I nod, hugging my knees to my chest. "Except I didn't know it was him at the time. I thought he was...I don't know. Now I'm, like, mortified. It changes everything, you know?"