He hadn’t expected to have this conversation and felt as though his mind was working too slowly in response, but words came out anyway. Unplanned words. Words he wasn’t sure he could believe he was saying. “Then don’t go. Stay here with me. Get a job in Colorado. Climb and run and do all the things you love. Just don’t do them on a rock that has a forty percent mortality rate.”
“It’s thirty-three,” Kelsey said, her voice wobbling a little. “And it’s too late.”
“Too late for us?” Ross asked. He took her hand, feeling it tremble in his grasp.
Kelsey jerked away. “Stop it. Please stop. My dad and I have one more chance. After that the sponsorships and the money will dry up. So we’ll give it another go, and then I’ll be free.”
“You say that like it isn’t a choice.”
“You don’t understand,” she hissed, looking over her shoulder at Mick, who was stretching by one of the climbing walls. “I can’t just desert my dad like that.”
“Kelsey, listen to yourself.” Ross grabbed her shoulders. “This isn’t just about your father. This is about you. Ever since your mom died, you’ve appointed yourself caretaker for him and it’s wrong. It’s wrong for you to do it and it’s wrong for him to let you. Because the fact is that when you say it’s not worth it, you’re really saying that you’re not worth it, and that’s just not true.”
She jerked her arm away. He didn’t know what else to say, and the one thing his gut was telling him to do—haul her into his arms and tell her he wasn’t going to let her go—was as untenable as it was irrational.
“We knew what our future held right from the start, Ross.”
“Maybe we were wrong. Maybe we could be more.”
Her eyes welled up, and she blinked rapidly. “You heard my dad that day. He might have been acting like a jerk, but he was right. We can’t have relationships. We just can’t. It clouds our decisions, makes us too cautious. You know when you get hurt? It’s when you hold back. I can’t hold back. Not now.”
He wanted to argue with her, but there was no room for doubt in her voice. No wavering or indecision. And what could he say? That he wanted her to hold back? That he wanted to stand in her way, no matter the cost?
He didn’t reply.
“Good-bye, Ross.” She met his gaze for a brief, painful moment before she turned around to leave.
And then he let her walk away. And wondered if he would ever see her again.
…
He was working on his computer later that night when the little bubble popped up on his screen to indicate that Jenna was online. He considered logging out—after fending off questions from his brother and sister-in-law for the better part of the evening, the last thing he wanted to do was talk to anyone—but she had been trying to get a hold of the kids for a few nights, and he couldn’t in good conscience ignore her.
JennaGirl: How are you? How are the kids?
RossB: We’re fine. How about you?
JennaGirl: Good. Job is finishing up early. Should be home in a week.
RossB: That’s great! I’ll let you tell the kids. They’ll be thrilled.
A pause, then:
JennaGirl: Who’s this Kelsey person I keep hearing about? :)
Ross considered throwing the laptop across the room. He forced himself to write back calmly.
RossB: She was the babysitter that first week, remember?
JennaGirl: I know. I just didn’t realize her duties extended to an overnight camping trip. :)
He gritted his teeth. Didn’t anyone think a camping trip could be simply a camping trip? And did she really have to include little smiley faces at the end of all of her sentences?
When he didn’t respond, another Jenna bubble appeared.
JennaGirl: I’m not weirded out or anything. I think it would be great for you to date someone.
RossB: We aren’t dating.
JennaGirl: Well, a little “not dating” would be good for you too. :)
He shuddered. Being friends with your ex-wife was a good thing. Taking romantic advice from her was not.
RossB: It’s not a good time. The kids are still adjusting to the new house and I’m trying to get the business off the ground.
JennaGirl: It will never be a good time.
He didn’t respond, and a second later, the phone next to him buzzed. He answered with a sigh. “You know how expensive this is, right?”
“Do you like her?” Jenna’s voice shot back.
After ten years of marriage, it was hard to hide anything from Jenna. “She’s all wrong,” he said, instead of answering the question. “She’s into climbing and mountaineering and she’s always traveling. It wouldn’t work out.”