“Taylor came and talked to me. Thank you for doing that.”
He nodded again, seeming hesitant to cross the room. “Yeah. Anything.”
This wasn’t normal us.
We barely fought.
We were never unsure around the other.
I felt horrible that this was us now. Mason was always in control. He was the mastermind, the one who fought for us, and he was always three steps ahead of his enemies. The fear in his eyes now tore my insides apart.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered.
He shook his head, taking two steps toward me now. He was still hesitant, and he stopped just on the other side of a chair. He could’ve taken two more steps and I would’ve been in his arms. He didn’t. He stayed, running his hands down his pants.
He looked so uncertain. “I’m the one who should be apologizing, Sam. I never thought about it from your side, and you’re right. Logan and I were just doing things. We were making decisions without consulting you, and I can see how infuriating that would be. It’s my fault.”
“No.” I shook my head. “I came to you broken. You and Logan put me back together, and that was the start of us. But that’s how it remained. You protected me. You fought for me, and I let you.” I closed my hand into a fist and pressed it against my chest. “Every girl wants that. They want the guy to come in and save them. You gave me that fairytale, but I let it go on too long. I’m supposed to find my own footing and walk next to you. I never did that.” I felt the tears falling. I didn’t care. “I have to find that in me now, and it’s not your fault. Ever. I don’t want you to think you’re to blame for this.”
“But you’re in pain.”
Another step. He still didn’t reach out.
“It’s not your fault,” I said.
“I don’t know how to help you.”
A second step. He was within touching now. I ached to reach for him.
My voice was so hoarse. “I know. And I’d feel the same torment if it were the other way around.”
He held his hand out now. I took it, clasping tightly.
He looked down at our joined hands. “I really am sor—”
I squeezed his hand. “Never apologize for protecting me. Ever.” I inched toward him, feeling his arm pressed against my side. Another inch and I would be touching the rest of him. I held back. I was content to let my mouth water.
“If I can help you, tell me. Please.”
I nodded. “I will. Taylor said I’m changing, and that’s what’s going on with me.”
He grinned faintly. “What else did she say?”
“That one day it’ll be better.”
“Does she know when that day will be?”
I shook my head. “I don’t think anyone knows.”
He let out a sigh, running his free hand through his hair. “This is going to suck, isn’t it?”
“Yeah.” I said that so softly, so quietly, I wasn’t even sure I said it. Then my eyes closed, and I leaned forward that last inch. My forehead rested against Mason’s chest, and his hand held the back of my neck. His thumb moved back and forth, comforting me.
“I love you, Sam.”
I felt the words through his chest.
“I know.”
That wasn’t the problem.
As Taylor predicted, the morning’s run sucked, but I won.
Logan had given Taylor and me a ride in, and he picked us up after practice. We all went back to the house, and I assumed they napped. I went to my room and slept until the afternoon. Logan gave us another ride back in at two, and the second run was a lot better. I won again.
Mason came home in the evening after practice, and the whole house just chilled. Even Nate. He’d been going out with some of his other friends, but he stayed in tonight. Logan and Taylor were here, and Matteo and a couple other football guys came over.
Someone started a movie in the media room downstairs, and Logan declared it was time that Chef Logan came out again. Forty minutes later, we were treated to another buffet of grilled meat: Steak. Hamburger. Chicken. Brats. I think he even grilled some tofu for Taylor, but while she kissed him on the cheek for his thoughtfulness, she reached for a chicken breast.
Mason and I made love that night, and there was a tenderness to it that had me melting.
The rest of the week passed much the same way: Logan drove Taylor and me to both runs. We napped in between. Mason came home at night, and everyone hung out at the house. Matteo was joined by another couple of guys every night. By Friday, it was just an unspoken agreement that the party was in our basement.
When I asked about the guys’ “secret” plans to see my mom in Fallen Crest, Mason said they wouldn’t do anything without my opinion asked for and given. I was relieved to hear that, and now the Friday night party morphed into Nate’s birthday celebration.