Fallen Crest Forever (Fallen Crest Series Book 7)(11)

Mason was still right with me. He was listening.

“It threw me because then I realized that could be you and me. I think it’s early, but I know a lot of people get engaged their last year of college or right after. And that’s where you are, so when I started thinking about that, all this shit came up inside of me. It was all about Analise, about how she and David were, about the stories you’ve told me about your dad.”

My eyes found his. “And some of it’s about hearing how angry you were at your dad,” I said softly. “You still are angry. I know it’s not as much, but it’s there. He’ll never be a normal dad to you. That relationship will never happen, and the same for Analise and me. She let me go, for real, and I like it. There’s no weight or pressure from her anymore, but I’m sad too. I have a choice now, and I have to say goodbye to the kind of relationship I should’ve had with my mother. Does that make sense?”

He nodded. “And all that’s connected to us getting married?”

“Because it’s what I know. It’s what I grew up in.”

He touched my arm and rubbed back and forth with his thumb, soothing me. “You know Malinda and David. They’re a good example of what we didn’t know.”

“I know.” I’d tried telling myself that. Malinda and David were good. Analise and James were not. “Our parents might beat the odds and make something good with each other, but I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. The jaded part of me knows Analise is going to start cheating in two years. And David and Malinda . . .” I pressed a hand to my forehead. The pressure was mounting there too. “Who knows? They’re still early, but I hope they remain good.”

“Sam.” Mason’s hand slid down my arm to catch my hand. “Do you want me to take it back? Do you want me to wait a couple years? Because I can do that.”

Did I? I wasn’t caught off-guard here, but I took a moment to really ask myself that question.

I liked being engaged.

But I was scared too.

I shook my head, squeezing his hand. “I’m not asking you to take it back. I’m asking you to be patient with me. I’m afraid of marriage, and I don’t want to ever feel like that about anything that’s connected to you.”

He stepped closer, his forehead resting on mine. “You sure?” He grazed my bare finger, where the ring should’ve been. “I have something to put on here, you know.” The corner of his mouth lifted. “I was waiting to surprise you at a better time. But I can wait and ask you all over again later. I have no problem waiting.”

Warmth flooded me.

I felt myself grinning back at him, matching his smile. Some of the pressure lessened.

“I don’t want you to take back the question, but maybe you could still ask again when you give me the ring?”

He was trying to read me, watching intently. “You’re sure?”

I didn’t have a clear-cut answer. But I liked knowing we were engaged, and I liked knowing that others didn’t know. I also liked knowing he was going to be patient with me, and that he was going to ask again at some point. He wasn’t taking it back. It was more a “making sure” sort of thing. That was all.

I shook my head, rolling my eyes. “I’m messed up.”

“No. Your mother is messed up. You just got affected by some of it. It makes sense.”

“You’re not mad?”

He shook his head. “Never.”

I expelled a deep breath, feeling tears behind my eyes. “Thank you, Mason.”

His lips rested over mine, so softly, so tenderly, and he whispered right before he sealed our mouths together. “You never have to thank me. That’s part of loving someone.”

I kissed him, standing on my tiptoes. He wrapped his arms around my waist and lifted me as the kiss deepened.

Mason had proposed, and I didn’t want to hurt him, but I wasn’t being honest with myself either. Being nervous about marriage wasn’t going to go away. I couldn’t force it away. It was a part of me. I learned the bad shit as a child, and I couldn’t mess up a life with the man I loved. I loved him more than myself. He was better than both our parents put together, and what we had was the best thing I would ever be a part of.

I never wanted to lose it.

But I couldn’t let it be contaminated either.

We pulled apart, and I vowed to deal with my insecurities.

“You ready to run now?” He smiled down at me.

The need to go was back, and I nodded. “I’m going to go fast today. Think you can keep up?”

Mason barked out a laugh, taking off at a light jog. “Pretty sure I can handle myself.”