“Linda, I’m scared.”
“Since when did fear ever stop you, Kyle Carter? You’ve been feeling the fear and doing it anyway since you were twelve years old. You can do this, and you will get through this.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Kyle
I stood at the edge of the cemetery, behind of the crowds of mourners and reporters who had showed up to watch Cam’s casket being lowered into the ground.
Derek stood stiffly by my side.
Using one hand to rock Hope’s buggy, I placed the other on his shoulder.
This was harder for him than me. I knew that, and I empathized with him no end.
It was too hard for him to stand at her grave and watch Cam’s burial, while Mike stood side by side with the family he’d once been a member of.
I comforted myself in the knowledge that whilst nine days had passed since the attack, and the doctors hadn’t yet found a kidney donor, the love of my life wasn’t being placed in the ground.
She was still fighting, and she was still alive.
We stood there silently, until the priest excused himself and the crowd dwindled.
“You ready to go, man?” I asked quietly, tucking Hope’s blanket around her sleeping body.
Even though it was early June, the air was cold in the cemetery. My heart swelled in my chest at the sight of Hope, and I stroked her cheek as I silently thanked Linda for helping me come to my senses.
I was ashamed of myself for denying my daughter.
The fear of living without Lee, the depression…I hadn’t wanted to see Hope because I knew that when I did, I would have to carry on.
Those first few days after Lee’s surgery I had-in my delirious state of grief-decided that if Lee didn’t make it, then I didn’t want to…
I had selfishly blocked Hope out of my life in a bid to ease my conscience, knowing that once I saw my daughter, I would have to live, regardless of what happened…
It had been an unforgivable thing to think, and to be honest, at the time I hadn’t been thinking.
I hadn’t considered Hope’s future, or thought about what Lee would want. I’d been too caught up in my guilt and grief to think straight.
I was now though, and I wasn’t going to let my family down again.
Derek wiped his eyes with the back of his hand and nodded.
I clasped the handles of Hope’s buggy, and walked towards the exit.
“Kyle, wait,” a voice shouted from behind us. “I need to talk to you.”
I cringed.
If I had to tell one more reported ‘no comment,’ I was going to lose my shit.
I swung around, and my heart hammered in my chest.
Not here…
Mora Frey stood five feet away from me, red faced, and panting.
“Mrs. Frey,” I acknowledged quietly. “I’m so sorry about Camryn.”
I didn’t know what else to say to the woman.
In truth, there was nothing else I could say. Nothing could bring Cam back. No one could rewind to that night and press pause.
Mora kept moving towards me and I braced myself for the slap I was sure to get.
I could not have predicted what happened next.
“Kyle,” Mora sobbed, wrapping her arms around me tightly. “I’m sorry, I’m so terribly sorry.”
I wrapped my arms around Cam’s mom and held her, unsure of what the hell to do.
I glanced over at a baffled looking Derek, then down at Mora’s grief stricken face.
Why was she sorry? Why was she apologizing to me? This was all happening in reverse.
“I’m the one who’s sorry…”
I started to say but she didn’t give me a chance.
“I’ve been trying to contact you.”
Her voice quavered as she slipped her hand into the pocket of her skirt. “I hope it’s not too late.”
She handed me an old, wrinkled piece of paper, folded many times over.
I stared down at it, my brow creased.
“I don’t understand,” I muttered. “Too late for what…”
I was interrupted by the appearance of Cam’s father.
“Mora, dear, please stop this. Let the boy be,” he said to his wife, as he tried to free her grip on my arms.
He looked at me with dead eyes. “Kyle, please ignore my wife, she hasn’t been herself since…Camryn’s passing,” he said, choking out Cam’s name. “She doesn’t know what she’s saying. She isn’t thinking clearly.”
“I am thinking clearly,” Mora screamed, shrugging away from her husband. “For the first time in nineteen years, I am finally thinking clearly.”
Turning to me, her eyes filled up with tears as she asked, “How is Lee? Have they found a match?”
I shook my head. “No, she’s still the same, the doctors said…Why? What’s going on here, Mora?”