Fall To Pieces(20)

I felt so frustrated. So misunderstood.

I wasn’t sure where I was going, until I found myself standing outside the hotel.

Even then, I wasn’t sure who I was looking for, until I was standing outside his office door.

Taking a deep breath, I knocked, and waited.

Kyle’s door opened and I gaped at the person in front of me.

“Mike? What are you doing here?”

If I sounded suspicious, it was because I was.

Mike stepped past me, moving into the corridor, smiling at me.

“Don’t worry,” he said. “Lover boy is still in one piece. We had our big boy pants on today.”

Huh?

What the hell was he talking about?

I was about to ask him when Kyle stepped into my vision, standing in the doorway, silent and brooding, blowing my previous train of thought out the window.

I looked at one brother, and then the other, before shaking my head. I was momentarily stupefied.

“Did you want me, or him?” Mike asked casually.

“Him,” I croaked out. I shook my head. “I want Kyle; uh…I want to talk to Kyle.”

Mike smirked, and saluted me with a hand to his forehead.

I heard Kyle sigh loudly, and turned to face him.

He opened the door out further, still silent, eyes wary, lips pressed tightly together.

I stepped into his office and Kyle closed the door behind us. I turned to look at him. He had his back to the door, his eyes gave my body a slow appraisal. The silence grew thick, and muggy. I muttered his name at the same time he said mine.

“You first,” he encouraged, waving a hand towards me.

I sighed, walked over to his desk and leant against it.

“I don’t know why I’m here.” I said honestly. I watched his face; it gave nothing away. “I had a fight with Cam.”

Kyle shifted, moving from the door, stepping closer to me. “Are you alright? What did you fight about?”

I decided to go with the truth. “You.”

Kyle seemed surprised by that. His brow rose, his eyes widened slightly.

“Am I allowed to ask why?” he asked in a quiet, unsure tone of voice.

Moving away from his desk, I paced the floor aimlessly.

“Cam seems to think that I’m being a bitch to you,” I said, sounding agitated. “That I need to get over myself, and my grief. She feels I am leading you down a dead end road, and thinks that I am being deliberately cruel to you.”

Kyle didn’t move a muscle, but his nostrils flared and his jaw ticked as he swallowed loudly. “I can understand why that must have upset you.”

“Can you?”

I stopped pacing and stared at Kyle. “Can you really understand what I’m feeling, or are you filling me up with more of your lies.”

I wasn’t sure why I was challenging his answer. I didn’t understand why I suddenly felt furious with Kyle, or why I was overreacting like this.

I didn’t know what I had come here for. I only knew that, right now, I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to hurt him.

Two months of anguish was brimming to the surface. I had so much pain inside of me, so many unsaid words inside my brain, my heart, bursting to come out.

Kyle walked straight up to me, his blue eyes piercing me, his body crowding me.

“Yes, I can,” he said in a hoarse voice. “I know how much I hurt you. The decisions I made, good or bad, they affected you, in ways I can’t fix, or redeem. I know how deep your wounds are, Lee. I’m not that much of an obnoxious bastard that I can’t see the scars I’ve embedded in you. I fucking broke you, Lee. I want to be the one to fix you.”

I could feel my body trembling. I tried to catch my breath, but it got stuck in my throat. My eyes burned.

“Don’t,” I whispered, silently begging him to stop. “Please, I don’t want to talk about this.”

I couldn’t hear this. I needed to get away from him. I loved him, and hated him all at once. I wanted to hurt him, and I wanted to hold him. I wasn’t thinking straight. I needed to think clearly and it was an impossible to thing to do, with Kyle’s piercing, blue eyes, boring into mine, and his words drumming in my ears.

“I miss the baby, too, Lee,” he continued, ignoring my plea, stroking my cheek. “It ruined me when you lost it. A part of me died that night, as well. The grief; I know how it feels, I’m feeling it too, living with it, every day.”

“Don’t talk about it,” I hissed, tearing my eyes away from his.

I couldn’t deal with his words, they hurt so much. I didn’t want to hear about his grief; I had enough of my own.

This conversation was dangerous to my soul. I didn’t like the darkness stirring around inside of me, waiting to attack.

Kyle groaned loudly, and stepped away from me.