I’d never get used to it, hated that Esther, that anyone, had the power to cause me such pain, and as I stared down at Natasha, I thought about how easy it would be. The pieces had been put in place many years before, and Natasha could slide into my life with no effort.
Natasha wouldn’t ever push me, challenge me, mouth off the way Esther always did.
She wouldn’t ever make me feel anything, either.
And as frustrating as I found Esther, as much as yesterday had disquieted me, I knew I couldn’t take anything less.
So I again met Natasha’s eyes, remembered all the times that I had kissed her, times that she had touched me like this, times when I had felt at least some desire. Felt regret that I would have to hurt her.
“Who is she?” Natasha spat before I said anything.
“I don’t answer your questions,” I replied.
She broke away, hooded her eyes as she glanced up at me.
“First Vasile. Now you?”
“What do you mean? There was never anything between you and Vasile.”
“No. There wasn’t, probably never would have been, but I’d always thought that if this…if you… But now I don’t even have that.”
“You thought Vasile would have you? Marry you?”
She shrugged, the casual calculation of the gesture not out of the ordinary for her but nonetheless annoying. “I wasn’t sure. I knew he would eventually have to settle, figured that if you wouldn’t have me, he would.”
“You would leave my bed and go to my brother’s?”
“What else would you have me do? You didn’t love me. Wouldn’t marry me. And now…”
I understood what she meant. Natasha would need someone to care for her, and even though I found it scornful, I couldn’t blame her for considering her position.
“You’ll always have a place with us, Natasha. We’ll take care of you.”
Her eyes hardened, but the expression was gone in a flash.
“So I really have lost you. All those years of hope, and I’ve lost you to a better woman?”
“Not better. Just different. And you never had me,” I reminded her.
At the heartbreak in her face, I wished I could take those last words back, but it was important that she know.
“So be it, Sorin,” she whispered. I watched her retreat and then I left Familie, following my feet, certain I knew where they would take me.
* * *
Esther
I saw a shadow out of the window, went to the door, and had it open as he walked up the porch.
“Sorin I…” I trailed off as he used his body to crowd me into the house.
He kissed me then, hungrily, possessively like always, but different now. Then he broke away, looked down at me, eyes glittering in the semidarkness.
“You’re my girl, Esther,” he said, his voice a strange mix of anger, certainty, question, almost as disorienting as the words he’d said.
“Sorin, I’m not—”
His mouth on mine stole my words, and his hands on my waist stole the ones that would have come after. He stroked down my stomach, touch light, but determined, and then heavy but equally determined as he reached under the hem of my short night dress and cupped my sex in his palm, slipping his hand between my thighs, thumb barely grazing my clit.
I was already wet, had been since the moment I’d seen him, something I knew he knew, but I was too aroused, had missed him too much to be embarrassed about it.
He broke away, looked down at me as he moved his thumb in a maddeningly irregular pattern. I arched my back, wrapped my hand around his wrist, trying to make him touch me more, but I wasn’t nearly strong enough to move him, and he didn’t seemed remotely inclined to do so.
“Admit it, Esther,” he said. And then he pinched my clit between his fingers, the faintest smile on his face.
“Admit what?” I said breathily, hating the desire that was apparent in my voice.
He pinched my clit again, the pleasure-pain sending me shooting to my tiptoes and tightening my hand on his wrist. “You know what,” he said.
He let go, then ghosted his fingers along my lower lips, gathering the moisture that coated them. But unlike usual, Sorin, who, like me, had little interest in teasing, didn’t spread my lips, bury his fingers inside me, toy with my clit until I reached the explosive climax that shimmered at the edge of my vision.
“Don’t tease, Sorin,” I said, voice starting out strong and then fading on a harsh breath when he circled my opening slowly, fingers on the edge of my entrance but not entering me.
“You want to come?” he whispered, his face close to my ear, his breath against my skin making me shiver, another issue of warm moisture flowing from me.