After he’d left, I stayed in place, more than halfway stunned that simply hearing her name had such an effect on me. That night and then the next morning with her had been intense, had moved me in a way that left me unsettled. I’d tried to put distance between us again, stayed out well into the night, hoping that exhaustion would rob me of the desire to see her, but as I had returned home, I’d been consumed with the desire to see her. Fortunately for me, the first rays of sunlight were breaking the horizon, and the knowledge that she was sleeping or soon to head to work had allowed me to stay away.
I wished I could say it was sex that drove me to her. It did, and I craved her constantly, but more terrifying was that I knew it was more. Holding her in my arms, hearing her voice, seeing her face… Those were the things I treasured and had come to need, and it scared me shitless.
“I was wondering if I’d ever get you alone again.”
Shit.
I’d been so caught up in my thoughts of Esther that I hadn’t even noticed Natasha approaching. I glanced over at her and watched as she gracefully folded herself into the chair that Vasile had vacated, crossing her legs slowly, no doubt to give me ample time and opportunity to see her slender, toned thigh.
I’d seen it countless times before, and this time, I waited for the familiar surge of arousal. I knew from experience that Natasha delivered on the promise that her thighs and pouty lips offered, but despite that knowledge, I felt nothing.
“Shall we leave? Go somewhere more private, or would you rather stay here?” she asked, eyes glittering with mischief.
I shook my head. “No, Natasha.”
Her brows dropped and her smiled flattened. “No now or no forever?”
She looked at me then, her eyes betraying nothing, but they didn’t have to. I knew what she was thinking.
“No forever,” I said, mildly surprising myself.
Her expression turned down farther, and I saw the flash of anger. But there was nothing to say. I’d been honest with her as I always had been, told her that there was no future for us, and I’d stopped fucking her even before Esther.
“It doesn’t have to be this way. We can go back to the way it was before,” she said.
“We can’t,” I replied.
“Why not!” she screeched, her voice loud, demanding. Then she looked around, saw the eyes that didn’t dare meet hers or mine but that nonetheless watched, and then quieted her voice.
“Sorin, I’m not asking for much, but I know that—”
I lifted my hand and shook my head. Her lip trembled, and then she set her face into a stubborn scowl.
“If you change your mind,” she said as she stood.
“I won’t.”
“I hope you will,” she said as she turned and walked away.
* * *
Sorin
An hour later, I’d given up the pretense, left Familie, and driven to Esther’s. Her house was quiet, which made sense given the hour, though with her, I could never tell. She didn’t seem to have any set schedule, and I often wondered how she filled her nonworking hours.
And that was the problem.
I’d come here for one reason, and it wasn’t to determine how she spent her time, no matter how often I found myself wondering what she was doing, what she was like when I wasn’t there.
At least that was what I told myself as I bounded up her steps and banged on her door.
She opened the door, but instead of smiling and letting me in, she looked at me with brow furrowed, body blocking the entrance. An icy greeting, even for her, but I overlooked it and brushed pass her.
I watched as she fumbled to lock the door and then looked at me.
“Come right in, Sorin,” she said, and as I made my way to the refrigerator and opened the door, she continued, “make yourself at home.”
I grabbed a bottle of water and looked at her as she entered the kitchen. “Do you have anything to drink here?”
“Yeah, I’ll have the water you’re holding in your hand,” she said.
“I’ll bring something later.”
“And why would you do that?” she asked.
She was spoiling for a fight. I could tell from the way her arms were crossed under her breasts, her hip cocked out, face turned down in a scowl.
“Something the matter, Esther?” I asked and then took a big swig of the water.
“Yeah, something’s the matter. I don’t recall inviting you here, and this is not some flophouse where you can come and go as you please.
“What’s your problem?” I said, trying for one of the few times in my life to keep the anger out of my voice. I’d been eager to see her, more than I cared to admit, but her sniping at me instead of being at least a little excited that I’d come by was pissing me off.