Several minutes later, she carefully wiped under her eyes with her fourth fingers only and crossed her legs, so we were sitting on my bed our knees touching. She said, “Alright, spill it. What’s going on?”
I sighed, pulling at a loose string on the white bedspread. “Christopher suggested we go away together for a few days. He even got Professor Pops’ permission.”
Her blue eyes shone brightly. “Holy sexcapades, that’s awesome.” She patted my calf, checking out my face. “Okay, it seems like it might not be great. Why isn’t it great?”
“It is, really. I mean I love him—”
“Whoa. Whoa. What?”
“I told you already, didn’t I. When I saved him, I knew I loved-loved him.”
She grew serious. “You mean it?”
“Yes, Cindy. I mean it.”
“You aren’t quietly pining for Gabe, hoping I’ll drop my guard one day, and then you’ll pounce, taking back your man. The man I stole from you.” She sniffled. It really bothered her.
“Cindy, I swear.” I paused. “I-I love Gabe, b—”
“I knew it,” she whispered fiercely.
“Let me finish. Sheesh.”
She crossed her arms. “Go ahead.”
“I’ve loved him a long time—as a brother,” I finished quickly.
She huffed.
“And maybe before the whole me becoming the Seal fiasco, I thought I loved him more than that.”
“See—” she began, but I held up my hand.
“Shush! Let me speak.”
She nodded.
“But the love I feel for Gabe is totally different than the way I feel about Christopher. I didn’t know what love was supposed to feel like, until Christopher.”
She pulled on her lip with her teeth. “How does love feel—to you, I mean?” she asked quietly, leaning her face on her fisted hands.
I thought about it. “It’s like fireworks, and sleeping kittens. Cliff jumping, and reading a good book on a rainy afternoon. When I’m with him, my pulse quickens, the world shifts, and my life tips into balance. It’s-It’s… amazing,” I finished; not exactly sure I’d done my feelings for Christopher justice. “Isn’t that how you feel about Gabe?”
She wiped at her eyes.
“Are you crying?” I asked softly. “Did I say something wrong? I swear I’m happy you and Gabe are together.”
She shook her head. “No. I guess knowing how you feel for Christopher makes me happy. You deserve goodness. Happiness. And if Christopher gives you fireworks and sleeping kittens, then I’m all for it.”
“And you and Gabe?” I prodded. If she didn’t feel that way for him, then I felt terrible.
“I’m in love with him, Snow. And I know he loves me too. The problem is, he takes his role as chayot leader seriously. And it gets in the way of us. Sometimes, when we’re together, I feel like he’s thinking about work, chayot problems. And I wonder if he’d rather be with them—other chayot—than be with me.” She sniffled, and I patted her shoulder.
“I don’t think so. Maybe you should talk to him, explain how you feel?” I definitely wasn’t one to be giving relationship advice.
Cindy nodded. “I should. I will.” She took a deep breath. “Now, with regards to your problems, dear friend. The truth is, you have none. A completely gorgeous vampire wants in your pants. He loves you, and you love him. I see no downside.”
I reddened at her blunt words. It excited me to think Christopher wanted me in that way, made me feel desirable. But it was such a big step; at least it seemed like it to me. I mean sex. Ugh. I was beyond conflicted.
“What?” she asked, and I could tell she worked hard not to laugh.
“It’s… I’m so nervous. What if we do it, and everything changes?”
She nodded. “Everything will change. For sure, but it’ll be a good change. I promise.”
After what she’d said about her and Gabe, I wondered if the changes between the two of them were good. “You and Gabe…” I trailed off. I couldn’t bring myself to ask.
For the first time ever, Cindy blushed. “The first time was awkward.” A large, genuine smile spread over her face. “But he’s my one and only,” she said, and bit down on her lip. She seemed lost in another time. I watched her, and sensed a contented peace settle over her. “My mother always said to wait until I found the right guy. Of course I thought she was old-fashioned. A complete dinosaur when it came to sexuality. So I did what I wanted.” She wound one of her fingers in her hair. “Turns out, my mom is a lot smarter than I gave her credit for.”