I stared at his back in quiet misery. Those brawny arms that had held me, that broad chest I had rested my head on…and all the while, he had felt nothing for me. I had been just a nice distraction for him—a nice distraction that was now becoming too demanding.
What felt like a minute later, Blake was putting a plate of bacon on the table.
“Ready.”
“Want me to get cutlery?” I said, rising.
Blake shook his head. “You’re the guest. I made this for you too. I save it for special occasions.”
I sat back down. Blake went over to the cupboard and returned with a fork. I dug in.
On the first bite, my gaze flicked to him in stunned enjoyment.
“Blake! This is delicious!”
“Really?” he said.
I took another bigger bite and nodded enthusiastically.
“Yes. This is the best bacon I’ve ever tasted.”
Blake smiled gratefully but said nothing. Instead, we lapsed into an awkward silence.
“And about what Angelo said…” I said after a minute.
Blake held up his hand. “Let’s not even dignify it by discussing it.”
“But, Blake—”
His headshake was firm.
“Claire, he was just trying to hurt you. Besides, you were a different person then. When I was younger, before I came here, I did some things I’m not proud of either.”
“But…what if he’s right? What if that is who I am: a shallow, materialistic girl? What if my being here is the anomaly, not the other way around?”
Blake shook his head again. His blue-flint gaze rested on mine.
“Well then, what do you feel now?”
“What do you mean?”
“Do you want to go back into downtown Aspen? Was the bacon really not as good as you said?
Are you sorry to be here?”
“No. God, no, Blake. I can’t think of anywhere else I’d rather be. This place is… I can’t describe it. It’s everything I could’ve asked for, and yet I don’t think I would have; I wouldn’t have ever guessed that I could be this content here, living like this.”
Now Blake was smiling too.
“Claire, I was worried that this, all this…it was too much. That you felt obligated to come back.”
I peered into his face, suddenly understanding everything.
“Blake, I want to be here—if you want me here that is.”
Wearing a goofy smile like I’d just kissed him, Blake said, “This has been the best week I can remember having in a long time.”
Now it was my turn to smile. “Me too.”
And now, since Blake was still smiling that goofy, just-been-kissed smile, I decided to actually kiss him.
What followed was natural: the meeting of lips, the gliding of hands, the sliding off of clothes, the sinking together into the bed that really was too small for two. But that was just fine, because in that moment, we were one.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
My feet woke me up in the middle of the night by shaking. They were cramped, aching. I untwined myself from Blake, put on my coat, and walked outside.
The dew-wet grass crunched under my feet. Above, the moon was a thin banana. I couldn’t see much, but maybe that was the point. My feet hadn’t brought me out here to enjoy the scenery; they had brought me out here so I could be alone, be still, see where I was at—see what it was I really wanted.
Already I felt the wave of affection I had for Blake threatening to sweep me up and away, me yielding to him completely, unthinkingly, wonderfully. Dangerously. The last man I had felt feelings like this for had tried to kill me and was now behind bars. My mother’s words repeated in my head: “Be careful.”
Before, I had hung up the phone because I’d known what she had wanted to say. It was what I’d thought myself ever since I had found out about Angelo. After what “love” had already done to me, after I’d chosen someone so entirely wrong for me, someone who so completely betrayed me, how could I ever trust myself again, or anyone else for that matter?
I walked farther, my gaze sliding down the side of the mountain. It was dark but navigable; the trees were just visible in the black night. I could make it all the way down to downtown Aspen if I wanted to. I continued on a few more steps and then stopped. I sat down.
No, running away wasn’t the answer, just how avoiding love wasn’t the way to avoid getting hurt. I stood back up, stretched, and took a deep breath. The alpine air brought clarity with it. I knew what I wanted, but I didn’t know what was right, so what was I supposed to do?
The answer came as a sweep of wind across my cheek: Wait, wait and see, risk, but risk carefully. I smiled at the sky, at the banana moon there, and walked back inside, back to my Blake.