“You’re right,” DeAngelo said. “Tell your boss if he delivers on a Ferrari, I won’t kill him.”
DeAngelo turned on his heel, left the office, and was whisked away in the Escalade.
“That went pretty good,” Lula said.
Vinnie crawled out from under the desk. “Where am I going to get a Ferrari? Do you have any idea what a Ferrari costs? It costs more than my house.”
• • •
“That was fun,” Lula said. “What are we gonna do next? I’m in a mood to wham somebody.”
“We need to pay another visit to Lahonka Goudge,” I said.
Lula hiked her bag onto her shoulder. “I’m up for that.”
We took my truck, and I drove into the projects and crept past Lahonka’s unit.
“We gonna be sneaky, or we just gonna bust in?” Lula asked.
“We’re going to ring her doorbell and politely but firmly reason with her.”
“Oh yeah,” Lula said. “That always works. How about I just wait in the truck.”
“Fine,” I said. “Wait in the truck. This won’t take long, because I have a positive attitude this morning, and I’m going to get the job done. I’m changing my juju.”
“Good for you,” Lula said. “Only you’d change your juju faster if you sneak up on her, put a pillowcase over her head, and hit her with a big stick. WHAM!”
I parked, and we both got out of the truck.
“I thought you were staying behind,” I said.
“I don’t want to miss the juju-changing moment,” Lula said.
“Scoff all you want, but you’ll see. I’m turning this around.”
“I’m not scoffin’,” Lula said. “Do I look like I’m scoffin’?”
“Yes.”
“Well, okay, maybe I’m scoffin’ a little.”
We threaded our way through the kids’ toys littering the sidewalk, and I rang Lahonka’s doorbell.
“Go away!” Lahonka yelled through the door.
“I want to talk.”
“I’m busy. Come back next year.”
“How about this,” Lula said. “How about you open this door, or I’ll shoot it full of holes.”
“You can’t do that,” Lahonka said. “This here’s public housing. That’s a taxpayer door. Us taxpayers put in good money for that door.”
“You pay taxes?” Lula asked.
“Not me personally,” she said. “I don’t give money. I just get money. I’m on the good side of that coin.”
“Stand back,” Lula said. “I’m shooting.”
“No! No shooting.” Lahonka opened the door. “Do you have any idea how long it takes to get a new door in public housing? And all kinds of vermin could climb in through those holes. Last time someone shot a hole in my door, I got a vampire bat in here.”
Lula looked through the open door. “You do pretty good for not paying taxes. You got a big flat-screen television and nice furniture. And is that your Mercedes at the curb?”
“I’m a entrepreneur,” Lahonka said. “I’m the American dream.”
“More like the American nightmare,” Lula said.
“Back to business,” I said to Lahonka. “We need to take you downtown to get rebonded. You missed your court date.”
“I know I missed my court date. You already told me that. I’m electing not to participate in the judicial system.”
“You don’t want your kids growing up thinking you’re a scofflaw, do you?” Lula said.
“I don’t know what the heck scofflaw means. Is that Russian?” Lahonka pulled some credit cards out of her pocket. “I can see you two ladies are no dummies. So I’ll make a deal with you. You can each have your pick of all these credit cards if you forget this whole thing.”
“Are you tryin’ to bribe us?” Lula asked. “Because we don’t take no bribes. We got honor. We got integrity coming out our ass.” She looked down at the cards. “Holy smoke. Is that a platinum American Express card? And a Tiffany card? Where’d you get a Tiffany card?”
“Is that the one you want?” Lahonka asked. “You want the Tiffany? That’s a real good choice.”
“I guess I could use a Tiffany card,” Lula said. “Don’t see no harm in taking a Tiffany card. It’s not like I’d have to use it, but it would class up my wallet.”
“She doesn’t want the Tiffany card,” I said to Lahonka. “You’re going to have to come downtown with us.”
She stepped back, slammed the door shut, and locked it. “Bite me!” she yelled through the door.