Explosive Eighteen(26)
“Was anyone hurt?”
“No, but a couple canaries lost some feathers in the overhead fan.”
I put the two wallets on the table and went through the first. The guy’s name was actually Mortimer Lancelot. Go figure that. It was almost as bad as Lance Lancer. I moved on to the second wallet. Sylvester Larder. Both guys had Long Branch, New Jersey, addresses. I took down the information on the two driver’s licenses and called Berger.
“I have names for you,” I said. “The two fake FBI guys are Mortimer Lancelot and Sylvester Larder. They have Long Branch addresses. The guy in my kitchen apparently is known as Razzle Dazzle. Any of these names mean anything to you?”
“Razzle Dazzle is a complete whack job. If you find him in your kitchen again, you might want to shoot him. Don’t tell anyone I said that.”
And Berger hung up.
I slouched in my chair, and sipped one of Lula’s coffees.
“Looks to me like you caught some bad juju in Hawaii,” Lula said. “I mean, you gotta look at the facts. You got naked skin where a ring used to be, and you don’t want to talk about it, so I’m reaching the conclusion that your love life is in the crapper. And if that isn’t bad enough, you’re in the middle of some crazy whodunit shit that you didn’t even go looking for. Not to mention we haven’t caught any bad guys since you been back. You might want to do something about your juju.”
“What did you have in mind?”
“I didn’t have anything in mind. I’m just sayin’.”
I wasn’t exactly sure what constituted juju, but I had the general picture, and Lula had a point. Lately, my luck sucked. It had been excellent when I arrived in Hawaii, and somewhere mid-vacation it turned bad.
A flash of black caught my eye, and I looked out the big plate-glass window in time to see the Lincoln stop and double-park in front of the coffee shop. Lancer and Slasher lunged out of the car, stormed into the coffee shop, and stood over me, glaring.
“You stole our wallets,” Lancer said.
I took the wallets off the table and handed them to Lancer. “Identity check.”
“You better not have put anything on my credit card,” Slasher said.
“That’s insulting,” Lula said. “What does she look like, anyway? She’s a successful businesswoman. She don’t need your dumb-ass credit card. She got her own credit card. You need to learn some manners. Who the heck are you?”
“Sylvester Larder, also known as Sly Slasher,” I said.
He took his wallet from Lancer. “Everyone calls me Slasher.”
“Is that a work-related nickname?” Lula asked. “On account of you don’t look like a slasher. You look more like a insurance salesman. Or one of those guys who sets out the grapefruits in the supermarket.”
Lancer gave a bark of laughter.
“Real funny,” Slasher said. “Why don’t you ask her if you look like a Lancelot?”
I stood up from my seat. “Gotta go,” I said. “Sorry about your wallets and rearranging your neurons.”
“You better play ball with us before we have to get rough,” Lancer said. “We need results. Our boss doesn’t like being disappointed.”
• • •
Lula and I left the coffee shop, piled into the Buick, and headed for Buggy’s house.
“They could be in big trouble if their boss doesn’t like being disappointed,” Lula said. “And I don’t think they believe you about not having that photograph. You really don’t have it, right?”
“Right.”
“How come everyone thinks you have it, if you don’t have it?”
“Because I used to have it.”
“Like you used to have a ring on your finger,” Lula said.
I felt my blood pressure edge up a notch. “Give it a rest, okay?”
“Hunh,” Lula said.
I turned onto Pulling Street and saw my RAV4 at the curb in front of Buggy’s house.
“I guess he borrowed your car,” Lula said.
“Something like that.”
“We gonna do our bounty hunter thing on him?”
“Yeah. I’ll use my stun gun, we’ll cuff him when he goes down, and we’ll drag him into the Buick. It has a bigger backseat.”
“Let’s do it. I’m there,” Lula said. “If you notice, I’m wearing black again today. I’m in the Ranger zone. WHAM!”
I was glad Lula had such a positive attitude, because I was experiencing some self-doubt. And I appreciated that Lula was in the zone, although I suspected her outfit was from her S&M ’ho collection, since she was wearing over-the-knee black leather boots with four-inch heels, a black leather miniskirt, and a skintight black leather bustier.