Experiment in Terror 09 Dust to Dust(85)

“Judging by how you’re driving me nuts by crinkling that damn bag and your loud chewing,” I said, taking the bag from her and sliding it down the table, away from us, “I’m going to say I’m at an eleven.”

“Hey,” she said with a frown, staring at the chips. “I’m hungry. It’s not fair everyone else gets to eat before we do.”

“Well, that’s the price you pay for being part of the bridal party.”

“Plus having to wear a hideous dress,” she added. “Don’t forget that.”

I managed to glare at her. The dress I picked out for her and Rebecca was simple and beautiful and she knew it. It was knee-length and strapless, a fitted cherry red color that flared out from the waist. With her red lipstick and updo, she looked gorgeous and far older than sixteen.

But she was still a brat. Loving her didn’t change that.

She sighed and sat back in her chair. I wondered how she could possibly be so bored when I was anything but. I was freaking the fuck out and half-expected everyone to be freaking out with me.

We were sequestered away in a waiting room just above the hotel ballroom where the reception would take place. Outside the window, guests were filing into the area where the ceremony was set up. It was truly stunning, I had to admit that, with rows of white chairs leading up to a quaint gazebo where the officiant was waiting.

Dex was nowhere to be seen. That didn’t surprise me, but I knew that if I did see him, standing there, waiting for me, a lot of my anxiety would disappear. I hadn’t seen him for days because of the ways things ended up and I felt like I was shouldering this wedding all on my own. It had turned into a circus of sorts and I wanted nothing more than to ignore all these people – even though they were family and friends – and go be alone with Dex for a long time. Our own private world was the only place I could truly breathe.

Most people thought Dex and I were crazy for having a partially outdoor wedding in Washington, in October of all times, but though the sky was grey, it looked like the rain was holding off and I could see a few glimpses of bright blue sky punch through. There was a chill in the air, thanks to our location in the mountains, but the ceremony wouldn’t take long and I had this beautiful lacy shawl to protect me from the elements.

True to us, we ended up booking the Salish Lodge, overlooking Snoqualmie Falls. It was an absolutely beautiful setting, with the air coated in a fine mist from the roar of the waterfall and the autumnal yellow and gold peppered forest rising up on all sides. But really, we booked it because it’s The Great Northern Hotel from Twin Peaks. I mean, come on. David Lynch, Agent Cooper, Log Lady and Killer Bob – totally us.

“How long is Rebecca going to be?” Ada asked. After the officiant had paid me a visit and went over the last minute details of the ceremony, I had sent Rebecca to go get my father, who would be walking me down the aisle, plus Dean and Seb, Dex’s best men.

“I don’t know,” I said, getting out of my chair, careful not to get my dress caught. It was off-white, long and lacey with a button-up back. I’d found it in a vintage store in Portland – was never even sure if it was supposed to be a wedding dress or not – but it was too perfect for words. It showed off my waist, hips and boobs, yet still looked elegant and demure, almost like I was some sort of fragile fairy. I wore my hair down, in long twisting waves, while Rebecca had fixed in a few sparkling clear jewels into my hair to complete the ethereal look.

“I’m going to go touch up my makeup,” I told her, grabbing my purse off the table and sliding the bag of chips back toward her. I already had a shitload of makeup on my face but I needed something, anything, to do, than to sit here and wait.

After I stealthily made it to the bathroom, paranoid I’d run into people, or Dex, I touched up my pink lipstick and tried to take in a few deep breaths. I didn’t know why I was so nervous. It had nothing to do with marrying Dex whatsoever. I definitely didn’t like crowds or people or being the certain of attention. And I guess I just figured something would go horribly wrong.

New York seemed long ago but not long enough. The memories still haunted me and they were made worse today. Maximus would have been one of Dex’s groomsman. My mother had always wanted me to get married. Neither of them would be here. Maybe in spirit – always in spirit – just as I knew Pippa would be. But the fact that they were both taken from us left me with a hollow pain in my chest that hadn’t gone away.

For the longest time, I wasn’t even sure if I wanted to get married. Though I wanted to spend my life with Dex, it didn’t seem right, or even fair, to do something that would make me happy. My mother was dead and though we had never been close, she’d always been my mom. She would have liked this wedding – okay, she would have nit-picked the shit out of it – but she would have been here and she would have been happy for me.