But he was Dex Foray through and through and life looked good on him. He was practically shining with it.
“While you’re standing there, staring at me,” he said, “let me assure you that I’m alive.”
“I know,” I said, my voice soft, as if I would shatter this all if I spoke too loud. “I just need to look at you.”
“Then keep looking, kiddo,” he said. My heart may have melted like a pat of butter on hot bread. “Because I’m looking at you. I don’t think I could ever stop.”
But then he abruptly turned his head and his gaze went out the window. He looked troubled. I couldn’t blame him but there was something about it that got my guts in a knot.
“Before things go any further,” he said, his words careful, “there is something I need to talk to you about.”
I stuck out my lower lip in thought. What was there to talk about? But it didn’t really matter. When faced with death, it seemed like nothing else could ever matter than having that person back. Everything else seemed trivial.
“I assure you, it’s not trivial,” he said, immediately chagrined. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to hear that. But I did. It’s important, Perry. It’s something I should have told you a long time ago.”
Suddenly, I didn’t want to hear it, whatever it was. I crossed my arms, wishing he would shut up, wishing I could go back to just soaking in his company. “If you should have told me a long time ago, maybe it’s best to just forget it.”
“I can’t,” he said. “I don’t want any secrets between us, not anymore. Not after that. Life is too fucking short, you know it.”
Secrets? God, now he had my attention in the worst way. That knot in my gut tightened. I had no idea at all about what he was going to say but whatever it was, it was going to throw me for a loop.
“Please, Dex,” I said. “Not now.”
He finally turned his head to look at me. “I’m sorry. It will have to come up soon, before we are married. It’s only fair.”
“Then tell me in a few weeks,” I pleaded. “You just died. You were just in Hell. I was too. Maximus is fucking dead. It can wait.”
For a moment I thought he was going to relent. But would it have been so easy for me to just ignore it, to go on knowing there was something he was keeping from me? It would sneak back. It would make me second guess everything.
He didn’t relent. “I’m just going to come out and say it. And fuck, I wish that big Ginger was here because I am sure he could explain it better than me. But, back when we were in New Orleans and I found out all about Maximus and what he had been to me…I was given something else to grapple with. And the truth is, I’m still grappling with it, because I don’t know what it means.”
I raised brow, feeling shaky. “Okay. Then what is it?”
He patted the space beside me. “Sit down.” Then he held out his hand. “No, stay there. You can do less damage from far away. I don’t trust your knee anywhere near my nuts anymore.”
If the whole situation hadn’t been so ludicrously important, terrible and sad, I would have laughed. As it was, I didn’t. “Dex, what the hell is it? This isn’t funny.”
He sighed. “No, it’s not.” He rubbed at his forehead vigorously and said, “When I was in NOLA, Maximus and the fucking Mambo told me that you and I were doomed to be together.”
I coughed, trying to speak and laugh at the same time. “Excuse me? Doomed?”
Of course, that made perfect sense considering the last twenty-four hours.
“Doomed,” he repeated. “But especially so if you were to ever get pregnant.”
Oh. Oh.
“What? What does that even mean?” I slowly stepped toward him.
He looked up at me, kneading his legs with his palms. “I don’t know. I really don’t. I don’t even know if they know. They just said – well, Mambo Maryse said – that because I am the way I am and you are the way you are, that a baby could be a problem. It kind of was before.”
“Dex,” I said sternly, “I had a miscarriage. The baby never became anything. That, that demon, took advantage of me because of my physical and emotional state, that’s all.”
He raised a brow. “Is that all? Even a miscarriage is horrible, Perry.”
“You don’t have to fucking tell me that,” I snapped. I exhaled noisily, trying to calm down. “Sorry. I just…I don’t care what people say.”
He held my eyes. “They said it could bring harm to us or to others.”
I shrugged. “Nope. No. Don’t care, Dex. I really don’t care. Is this something that you want? Do you want to have a child? Not right now, but at some point?”