I was too numb to even be shocked by the time skips. Time didn’t really seem to exist in this house anyway. This house didn’t even seem to exist.
“The same for me,” I said blankly. Actually, I was leaving a lot out. But what was the point in saying anything? What was the point of anything anymore? Dex was gone and I was left behind to carry on.
Death was torture for those who had to be left behind. I could only hope that Dex wasn’t suffering like I was.
“Who did this?” he asked.
I attempted a shrug and failed. Dex was too heavy but his weight felt real, reminding me that he had been real this whole time and not some beautiful dream.
“Michael, I guess,” I said.
“No,” Maximus said. I looked at him in faint surprise. “It wasn’t him.”
“Who then?”
“It was Dex,” he said. “Dex did this to himself.”
My heart clenched. “Why?” I said breathlessly. “Why would he do this?”
“To escape,” Maximus said, settling down on the ground, sitting splaylegged. His eyes never left Dex’s body. “To save us.”
“How?”
He swallowed hard. “If Michael happened to be in his body, and Dex killed himself, the spirit or the demon or whatever is in him, would have died too.”
“And if he wasn’t in him?”
“He knew he would just be taken over again.” Suddenly Maximus let out a roar, pure agony that shattered the room. He buried his face in his hands and I was struck, feeling it deep, by how much he cared for him. But of course he did. He had originally been sent to be his guide, to watch over him. And now Dex was dead. He had failed. I had failed.
When he recovered, he looked up at me and said, “Whatever Dex did, it was to save you. Save me, save everyone. But above all, it was to save you.”
“I didn’t ask for that,” I whispered.
“No, you didn’t. But that’s Dex. That man loves you so much. Sometimes it doesn’t even seem possible. He gave up his life for you and, if he could, he would probably do it again.” He sighed. “But you already know that, don’t you? You love him the same way.”
I found myself nodding. I would have done the same. I still would, if I could.
If I could.
What if I could?
I licked my lips and for the first time in a while, felt a thread of strength returning. “Maximus,” I said softly, urgently.
He slid his eyes to mine. Before he could say anything, we heard a thump from upstairs. The ceiling was once a fathomless black sky but now was just a ceiling with a broken light bulb hanging from it. It was swinging back and forth, casting moving shadows.
“Did you see anyone else in the house?” he asked, his eyes trained to the light.
Who didn’t I see? Minutes ago I wouldn’t have seen myself caring. I wouldn’t have cared what happened to me.
But that was then and this was now and now I had an idea.
“There may be spiders the size of cats,” I said absently, my mind elsewhere.
He raised his brow.
“I saw them in the Veil, last time I was in there,” I explained. “I think they snuck through.”
“Or Michael let them in,” he said. “This house is nothing but a portal.”
I swallowed and nodded. “It’s the gateway to Hell. Dex’s mother told me so.”
He narrowed his eyes. I managed a smile.
“Hey,” I said. “Do you think Dex is gone? Or do you think he’s just…” I waved my hand around the empty space in front of us. I knew I was acting delusional. “Just here.”
“He’s dead, Perry,” he said hoarsely. His eyes flitted to Dex’s body. The proof was literally in my arms, covering me in blood. Part of me died with him.
Unless I could bring him back.
Maximus was staring at me, his expression cautious. He was hearing my thoughts.
“Darling,” he said gently. “If you go into the Thin Veil, through this place, this close to the darkness we don’t understand, there is a chance you’re not coming back.”
“Maybe I don’t want to come back.”
“But you do, Perry,” he said. “You do. You want to come back with Dex. You don’t want to live on the other side. What if Dex has already moved on? If he’s not in the Thin Veil, you still may never see him again and you’ll be stuck there. Forever is a long time.”
I thought about the man with the cockroach eyes, the severed woman, the spider cats I swore were upstairs. I thought about all of them and living with them for eternity, cursed to stumble through a monochrome universe for the rest of my life.
It was worth the risk.
“If I can go in and there’s a chance I can find him and bring him back,” I told him, “then I’m taking it.”