Think, you idiot, I told myself, adjusting my cap against the glare of the sun. Why the hell was it so warm here?
And, once again, why the hell was I in New York?
I tried to think back and couldn’t remember anything except being in Portland at Perry’s parent’s house.
A flash of a familiar face came across my mind, but my instincts couldn’t be correct.
Why did I have the feeling that I saw my brother Michael at some point? That was as likely as Kim Kardashian’s ass being real. I hadn’t seen him since, well, since we were teenagers.
And yet I kept seeing him, as he would be today. A tall, dark, handsome asshole in a suit. Not as handsome as me, but close enough. And with the thought of him came this feeling that maybe I really was tripping out. Being alone in NYC, with no memory of how I got there, was bad enough, but it had nothing on the wash of dread that was sinking into my pores.
I shivered to myself and shook my head a few times, trying to shake it off, trying to shake some sense in. None doing. The feeling intensified, like it was just taking root and finding sunlight.
Before I really started to panic, I searched my pocket for my phone.
It was gone.
Shitballs.
I was alone in NYC, I kept feeling like the world was going to end at any moment, and I didn’t even have my phone, or a wallet. I only had my wits and I was starting to think those were in short supply.
“Dex!”
It was Perry’s voice, soft as satin sheets. I turned around, my eyes scanning the aloof people walking past but I didn’t see her anywhere.
Had I even heard her? I looked again, harder, searching each person, my ears trained for her voice. Suddenly I was hit with an overwhelming sense of urgency. It wasn’t that my situation wasn’t scary – it was. Ask any drunk the next morning when they don’t know where they are.
But in the back of my mind, I’d already been rationalizing everything. I must have blacked out for one reason or another but I had to have come to New York with Perry. I don’t know why we came here or when but we would have come together.
We would have had to. The girl just agreed to marry me – the crazy fucking girl – and I know I would have not let her out of my sight for a second. She was more precious to me than life itself.
And yet, she wasn’t here. I felt her presence, heard her voice, but it was about as substantial as the air in front of my face. She was nowhere to be seen just as I probably was for her.
My heart decided to take a nose dive.
What if I couldn’t find her?
What if something horrible had happened to her, to us? Every second that ticked past on that bridge, I was getting the feeling that some horrible had happened and the world was just waiting for me to catch on.
I put my hand to my chest and kneaded my knuckles along it, hoping to dispel the nervous energy that was building up. I needed a cigarette to clear my head. I needed a drink to calm my nerves.
I needed Perry just to get by.
I breathed in deeply through my nose, willing the pain in my ribs to go away. I had to have a plan of some sort if I was going to get anywhere. Staring at the throngs of people as they walked past, their attentions utterly focused on the space in front of them, I wondered if anyone would be nice enough to let me borrow their phone to call Perry. I contemplated running after the lime green glasses girl but she was long gone.
Lady luck was smiling at me however. I asked two twenty-something girls in sundresses with cigarettes dangling from their lips if I could bum a smoke. After one of them did, rather begrudgingly, I turned my charms onto the nicer, plumper one and asked if she wouldn’t mind me borrowing her phone for a minute.
This time, mentioning a girlfriend came in handy and once she realized the guy with the ’stache wasn’t getting potentially rapey on her, she gave me her Samsung. I actually had to correct myself and tell her my girlfriend was actually my fiancé now. Man, did that sound both weird and awesome to say that out loud but it seemed to win me a few points, which I hoped would turn into a few extra minutes on the phone.
Turns out I needed them. Perry didn’t answer her phone, even when I called three times in a row. The girl was starting to sigh and look put out, the subtle way to say “dude, get the fuck off the phone” and I grinned nervously at her. “Just one more person to try.”
Actually I had more than a few people to try but since the last place I remembered was the Palominos, I figured that was my best bet. I hated having to ring her parents but hey, I guess they were going to be my parents too one day. They better get used to it. And so should I.
But there was no answer at their house either, which struck me as odd. Usually her mother was home, if not Ada. I left a long, yelling message on the machine.