Expecting His Secret Heir(19)

That was the essence of the woman he'd come to know.

And she was kind, compassionate, hardworking. Today, he was determined to learn something new.

Stepping back was a hardship, but he substituted holding her hand for  the embrace. A poor substitute, his body said. He led her to a bench  near this end of the sloping back lawn. During the summer, irises  bloomed plentifully here, but the now-barren leaves didn't detract from  the richness of the view.

He took a quick inventory of her. Breath steady. Eyes closed. Pulse  slowing beneath his palm. He waited a few minutes more before pushing.

"Tell me what that was about."

"A panic attack," she said simply. "I've had a few over the years, but  they're so rare that I never feel quite prepared for them."

Her deep breath drew his gaze down to the fullness of her chest, even  though he knew that's not where his focus should be right now.

"Marie's words...they just brought up some bad memories for me."

"Did you lose someone you love?"

She shook her head, but it wasn't really an answer-more the movement of someone trying to deny reality. "Not yet...but I will."

He waited, trying to wrap his mind around her words. Was it her mother? That was the only relative she'd ever mentioned.

"I have a sister...a baby sister."

Zach felt his world tilt slightly, then right itself.

"She was diagnosed when she was a teenager. The cancer is terminal at  this point." A sad smile tilted the corners of her lips. "She's a  trouper-it's been six years since her diagnosis. They said she would  only live two."

Zach could read between the lines. "But she won't be able to fight it forever?"

Sadie shook her head, her lips pressed tight for control. Fortunately, he could read all her emotions in those expressive eyes.

"No," she finally conceded. "She's fought long and hard, but her resolve  is weakening. As is ours-mine and my mother's. We take the best care of  her we can, but there's only so much we can do."

"And that's heartbreaking."

"My poor mother-she's handled the majority of Amber's care, but it's too  much. We had to place her in a type of halfway house. Not  hospice...yet." Sadie looked away, but Zach could still see her neck  working as she swallowed.

As he'd done with Marie, he reached out to comfort her. Only this wasn't  Marie. He reacted in a completely different manner that shook him deep  inside. But he didn't let go.

"I was still young myself, but about a year into her treatment I took  over my mother's position as housekeeper for our former employer so she  could stay home with Amber full-time. This trip is the longest I've been  away from them, ever."

In her voice, Zach heard an echo of his own struggles with  responsibility. The burden of doing whatever you had to in order to care  for someone you love, regardless of where you wanted your own life to  go. It was a heavy weight, one he hated to think of on Sadie's slim  shoulders. But it came with its own rewards.

He was sure she knew that by now also.

"Why did you leave now, Sadie?"

She went still beneath his touch, and for a moment he worried that his  question had seemed judgmental. But Zach was the last one to judge. He'd  left his entire family behind for the military because that's what he'd  needed to do to provide a better life for them.

"The trip-it was a legacy, of sorts, from our former employer," she  said. "The chance to travel outside our little world. My mom wouldn't  hear of me giving it up-neither of them would."

He knew he shouldn't ask, but he couldn't stop himself. "So you could go anywhere, and you chose to come here."

She quickly glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, which told him  she realized the significance of the question. "Zach, this is the only  place I wanted to be." She wiped shaky fingers over her cheeks. "I'm  sorry. This is just a little too close," she whispered.

For a moment, he thought she meant him. But now she clutched his arms,  her body leaning into his. Then he understood. Marie had been talking  about life, the life Lily should have had.                       
       
           



       

The life Amber should have had.

"I know it is," he said. "And that's okay."

With a jerk her gaze swung up to meet his. He could read the conflict in  her eyes. The woman she'd shown him was strong, independent, but soft  with others. Now she needed to take care of herself.

"It's okay, Sadie. Feeling that way doesn't make you weak. It makes you human."

That's when the tears appeared, just like the night she'd told him she  missed her mother. They pooled like shiny puddles in her eyes,  reflecting that incredible green color. He knew then, no matter what he  really wanted, he would never be able to get over Sadie.

Whether she stayed or not.





Eleven

When her phone rang, Sadie was surprised to see Zach's name lighting up  the small screen. But her hesitation lasted only a second before she  answered.

"Pack a weekend bag and meet me downstairs."

She opened her mouth to reply, but the line went dead. Was he already  downstairs? Should she go question him? Why was she even thinking about  this?

Letting go of her worrisome thoughts, she packed her travel toiletries  and enough clothes for two days into an oversize purse in record time.  The sound of her feet on the stairs as she descended ramped up her  heartbeat.

It had only been a day and a half since she'd seen him, but it seemed  like forever. She'd chosen not to attend Lily Blackstone's funeral  today, figuring she'd simply be lost in the throng of people who would  be there. But Zach had surely braved the crowds for the family who had  done so much for him.

When he'd last said goodbye at Blackstone Manor, he'd told her he would  be in touch, but not when. That made sense, considering his position as  head of security for the family. She definitely hadn't expected to speak  with him tonight after what had undoubtedly been a long day.

Shouldn't he be home relaxing? Sleeping?

Yet there he stood in the foyer of the B and B, looking a little tired  around the edges, but fresh in a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. She wished  she could run her fingers through his hair or savor the sexiness of his  gaze as he did a little inspecting of his own.

But he didn't linger. He quickly took her bag and led her out to a low,  dark sports car. Still without an explanation, he seated her in the  front, then stowed her bag in the trunk. Her first clue as to his  intentions was his quick lean across the seat after he climbed behind  the steering wheel. His lips on hers were hot and hard, telling her  without words of the need he barely held in check.

Her anticipation exploded into full-blown excitement.

Good thing he wasn't dangerous, because she had no recollection of where  they drove. Her entire focus was on the smallest of things: his hands  on the steering wheel, the barest hint of music on the radio-too low for  her to tell what it was-the shaking in her core that had nothing to do  with fear and everything to do with Zach.

It wasn't until he pulled the car into an almost empty lot and parked  that reality hit. She realized she needed to know. "Zach," she stalled,  before he could open his door.

"Yes?"

His low voice only sent further shivers up her spine. "I'm guessing  we're not going out to dinner?" She tried to keep her tone light, but  Zach plunged straight into the deep end.

He leaned closer, invading her comfort zone. "We both know what's  happening, Sadie. I think it's time to stop beating around the bush,  don't you?"

"Um..."

"Don't pretend this isn't what you want." If his words didn't convince her, the way his lips traced her jaw definitely did.

But for once, she needed honesty between them. "I won't." Heaven knew  she couldn't. "But how can it be what you want?" She swallowed hard but  forced herself to finish. "After I left?"

"You were trying to do the right thing, weren't you?"

He would never know it, but she had. Her attempt to protect him from the  callous, self-centered man who had been his father might not be the  right thing in his mind, but it had been in hers. "Yes."

"That's the most important thing to me, Sadie."

She instantly cooled as he got out of the car and walked around to her  side. If she hadn't known she would ultimately lose Zach, those words  had spelled it out loud and clear. But she didn't have time to  contemplate. Zach opened her door. His hand folded over hers, and he  eased her out onto her feet. "I want you," he said, no longer holding  back. "You have responsibilities away from here. I totally understand  that."

He lifted her chin with his other hand, positioning her lips exactly  right for his kiss. "If I only have you for this weekend, so be it."