Zack frowned. “Daniel won’t want to hear that. ”
“You are telling him we spoke?”
“I don’t know. Maybe not. It’s bad enough having a love affair fizzle out
without thinking that the spouses are gloating.”
“Are you gloating?”
“No, but he might think we are.”
She considered that for a moment, tapping her lips with her index finger.
“If it is over, that is good news, yes?”
“It will be. But Daniel’s going to be miserable for a while, especially if he
thinks there’s a chance it’s not over yet. I wish there were a way to hurry it
along.”
“To punish him?”
The idea startled Zack. “I don’t want to punish him. I just want this to end.
Sooner rather than later.”
She looked skeptical but continued. “I want it to end, too,” she said. “But
I learned my lesson last time. I say we let sleeping dogs lie. Or fuck. Or not
fuck. Or whatever it is they are doing. Because to fight with Abbas only ex-
cites him. He loves the fight. The friction. I am not going to give it to him. I
think we should let things go as they are. I am going to be Zen. I am going to
play dumb. He will not know that I know. I am curious, I admit. But I will not
ask him. I will not give him that satisfaction. But you are still talking about it
with Daniel?”
“Actually I’m not. We had a fight about it last night. I told him I didn’t
want to talk about it anymore. Not another word.”
“A fight? You are angry? You are jealous?”
“Not jealous, but—fed up. Bored. He gets to have his fun and I have to hold
his hand afterwards. Which makes me feel dull, safe, boring. Which I resent.”
She smiled. “So the doctor is human after all?”
“You thought I wasn’t?” Was that how she saw him? “I admit that, as a psy-
chiatrist, I don’t have much sympathy here. Daniel wants a great drama in his
life, one last big drama. My job is to help people avoid big, unnecessary dramas.”
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C h r i s t o p h e r B r a m
She nodded. “Yes. My feelings exactly. Life is difficult enough without
people making big ugly dramas for their amusement.”
We are such a pair, Zack thought: prudent, rational, detached. Yet under-
neath, Elena was more passionate and emotional than he was. “Do you really
think you’re strong enough to say nothing and let this finish out naturally?”
“You think I am too impatient? You think I am not so Zen?” She laughed.
“Maybe you are right. But we shall see. Maybe because I am tired with a cold,
the Zen will be easy.”
28
Daniel went into school on Monday morning with a guilty conscience.
He regretted last night’s words with Zack and knew he should apologize,
but he couldn’t yet. He didn’t want Zack’s pity just now; he didn’t even want his
understanding. He also wondered if his affair with Abbas were really over. Talk-
ing about something makes it so, which was another reason to regret having said
so much to Zack. The change may have taken place only in his imagination, al-
though so much about this kind of love is just half imagined anyway.
Nevertheless, when Daniel encountered Abbas in the upstairs hall of the
art building that morning, something felt different, something had changed.
He looked so handsome, foreign, and aloof.
“Get home okay?” asked Daniel, even though he’d dropped him off at his
door. “Elena and the kids happy to have you back?”
Abbas blinked distractedly inside the black-framed squint of his glasses.
“Of course. They missed me. Didn’t Zack miss you?”
“Not really. I think he was glad to have me out of his hair.”
That was a cue for Abbas to say he already missed their weekend or had
enjoyed being in Daniel’s hair or something suggestive. But Abbas only nod-
ded and murmured, “Good,” as if he wasn’t listening. “If you will excuse me,
I must get to my studio.”
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C h r i s t o p h e r B r a m
He was preoccupied, scattered, distant. Daniel remembered how Abbas
used to greet him with an eager, overjoyed smile. Had he only imagined that,
too?
Daniel decided to forget about Abbas and concentrate on teaching. The
end of the semester was approaching, and he had a full week ahead of him.
He could be patient, he could wait. For the next few days, however, he found
he needed to see Abbas daily, just to say hi. He didn’t want to get into a seri-
ous conversation, not yet, and he couldn’t, not with students and faculty float-
ing around. No, all Daniel wanted was a daily glimpse, like a fix, to assure