if she were a little less quick and knowing.
“I enjoy our conversations,” he admitted. “I like our friendship. I want to
think we’d be friends even if our spouses weren’t seeing each other. But
they’ve certainly accelerated the process.”
“Very true. They have thrown us together. They have made us family.” She
examined her cigarette, then took a deep drag and released a luxuriant, silky
cloud.
Zack couldn’t help breathing in a taste, even though he knew she was
watching.
Elena smiled. “You once told me you had said goodbye to sex. Is that
true? You are seeing nobody?”
“It’s true. I’ve said goodbye to sex but not goodbye to love.”
“And you always slept with men, never women?”
“I was a late bloomer. I liked women, so I went to bed with a few in col-
lege before I understood liking them wasn’t enough.” He was both amused
and worried by her questions.
“Do not look at me like that,” said Elena. “I am only thinking aloud. I
often think in symmetries.”
For a second he thought she’d said “cemeteries.”
“But we know that making Abbas jealous doesn’t help. I like you better as
a friend. And I prefer to keep the high ground.”
“So you won’t be seeing your babysitter again?”
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She laughed. “Oh no. She is sweet. But I feel bad that she likes me more
than I do her. I cannot encourage her. What is the time?”
“A little after nine. I guess I should go?”
“Oh no. I am only wondering what they might be doing now.”
She wasn’t completely cool or detached about this, was she?
“It’s early for New York,” said Zack. “They’re probably just sitting down
for dinner.” If he were alone, he could forget about Daniel, but he couldn’t
with Elena. He refused to picture Daniel and Abbas enjoying the city he knew
so well.
“You once told me that you never loved Abbas too much anymore.”
“I said that?” She looked surprised. “And you believed me?”
“Well, yes.”
“Sometimes I believe me, too. But peace comes and goes.” She nodded to
herself. “You are the doctor. Which of us is crazier? Me for marrying a ho-
mosexual? Or Abbas for marrying a woman? Or your lover for loving a mar-
ried man? Or you for letting it happen?”
“You think this is partly my fault?”
“You are no more guilty than I. We are both letting it happen. But what
else is there to do?”
“A patient the other day told me that I’m tolerant only because I think too
little of people.”
“Too little? What is too little? One cannot think less of people than I do.
But yes. That is maybe my philosophy, too. Which makes me want to try to be
kind to others.” She smiled at him. “We have much in common, Doctor. We
are in this together. All four of us.” Her smile grew into a wide, defiant grin.
“So which of us will have the big nervous breakdown before it is over?”
23
Their plane landed at La Guardia just before noon, and they caught
a cab into Manhattan. It was a clear, cold, crystalline day in November.
Daniel sat beside Abbas in the taxi, watching him watch the city skyline as it
came into view: a jawful of needlelike teeth against a chalk blue sky. Abbas
gazed, readjusted his glasses, and gazed a little more. He’d been to New York
before, but a man has to be awfully jaded not to enjoy this distant panorama
of Oz. Daniel, too, loved the sight, although he still saw the gap where the
World Trade towers once stood, like a little hole in the sky. Friends who lived
here reported that they also noticed the hole, even a year later, seeing it all
over again with each new change of season and light.
The taxi dove into the tunnel under the East River and came up again in
the middle of the city. Manhattan towered overhead, tall, impossible build-
ings defying gravity. Daniel’s hometown never ceased to amaze him, but see-
ing it with Abbas made it seem even more fresh and startling.
They checked into the Larchmont, a small European-style hotel on West
Eleventh Street in the Village. “Welcome to New York, baby,” said Daniel up
in their room, and he threw his arms around Abbas. He hadn’t dared kiss or
touch him on the plane. Abbas timidly kissed back and asked if Daniel would
mind waiting in the lobby while he used the toilet. “Uh, sure,” said Daniel.
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The room was small, the bathroom door thin. Daniel understood perfectly
even as he realized again that they’d never been together for so long as they