cusing you. I’m just saying that we can’t talk innocent parties and guilty par-
ties here. It doesn’t help.”
Zack continued to face Daniel, wanting him to experience as much of this
conversation as possible through his squints and scowls and grimaces.
“No, I won’t talk to Abbas. This is between you and him, and myself and
Daniel. Each couple needs to resolve this on its own. It’s difficult enough with
two people. Four is impossible. No, you don’t want to give him an ultimatum
like that. You can’t throw him out, and you can’t keep him a prisoner, either.
Let him take a walk if he needs to blow off steam. Why don’t you both take a
walk? Take it outside, away from the kids. Remember them. You both love
your kids. And it takes two, it always takes two. Ask yourself why you’re so
angry now when you weren’t angry before.”
Zack lifted an eyebrow at Daniel, admitting his words might also be about
them.
“That was him going out? Good. Let him get his cigarettes. He’ll be back.
You feel calmer now? You sound calmer. Wait until the kids go to bed. Then
you and Abbas can have a good long talk. If there’re any problems, you can
call here. Okay? Talk later. Bye.”
He hung up and let out a long, amazed sigh. He was not only the “hus-
band” here, he was the best friend and the psychiatrist. Daniel admired him
for being able to handle so many different roles, even as he wished he might
fumble one.
“She’s really pissed off?”
E x i l e s i n A m e r i c a
1 4 1
“Like you wouldn’t believe. Hell hath no fury like someone who thinks
something’s fixed when it isn’t.”
Zack looked shaken, confused, less righteous. Her anger had upstaged his
anger.
“How did she find out?” asked Daniel.
“He told her.”
“Honesty is the best policy,” said Daniel drily.
Zack responded to the sarcasm with a tiny wince. “Where were we?”
“No place good,” Daniel admitted, although he couldn’t remember what
they had been saying.
“But you see,” said Zack, nodding at the phone. “That’s another reason to
break it off. There are other people involved. Not just the kids but Elena.”
“She was fine before, she’ll be fine again.”
“She’s not an easy woman.”
“I thought you liked her.”
“I do. But she’s in the most difficult position here. She manages to keep
everything in balance, but it’s got to be hard.”
Zack liked Elena too much. Daniel did not want to fight him about Elena.
“Now I remember where we were,” he said. “We were going to have dinner.”
Zack hesitated. “Yes. You’re right. Want me to do the salad?”
“Sure. That’d be nice.”
They stopped discussing “it” and quietly fixed dinner. They worked with-
out words, washing vegetables and boiling pasta, silently stepping around
each other in their familiar kitchen dance. They didn’t speak again until
Daniel brought the two steaming bowls of eggy carbonara over to the table.
“All right, the situation is complicated,” Daniel admitted. “But it’s good
it’s complicated. It’s good there are so many people involved. If it were sim-
pler, it’d be dangerous. But he’s not going to leave his family. I’m not going to
leave you. Nobody will get hurt. Do you feel hurt now?”
Zack frowned. “I’m not hurt. But I’m worried.”
“You identify too easily with other people,” Daniel chided.
“No,” said Zack. “I identify too easily with you.”
Which surprised Daniel; it touched and confused him.
“Is it him you don’t trust or me?” he asked nervously.
1 4 2
C h r i s t o p h e r B r a m
“He’s selfish, reckless, and unpredictable. He’s not a kind man.”
Daniel paused again. “Neither am I.”
“No, you are,” said Zack. “Usually.”
And that hurt, but in an affectionate, accurate manner.
“Look,” said Daniel. “Every affair has its duration. Let’s let this one run its
course. It’s my last fling. Right? Like you said before. And then you and I can
be two nice, kind, old men together.”
“And that’s what you think will happen?”
“I know it’s what will happen.”
Zack thought a moment. “So go on a trip,” he said wearily. “Go up to New
York or down to Puerto Rico for a week. Fuck each other’s brains out. Get
each other—”
The phone rang again.
Zack irritably got up to read the caller ID. “It’s the college.”