Daniel used Zack’s silence to tell the second half of the story, about his
meeting with Abbas and how he went to confront him about Maureen but
they ended up accusing each other of jealousy. “And then he said he was jeal-
ous because he was in love with me.”
“In love with you? In love?” Zack looked stunned.
“You think he’s lying? You don’t think I’m lovable?” They were getting
too serious and it was time for a joke.
Zack didn’t laugh. “No. I just— I believe it. So quickly that I don’t know
why I didn’t suspect it before. In love? Of course.”
“Yes, well, he falls in love all the time, he says, and this year it’s my turn.”
Abbas hadn’t really said that, but it was true to the spirit of his confession.
“And he thinks we should resume seeing each other. Until we get each other
out of our systems.”
Zack was silent again. His eyebrows were down. His beard stuck out to
one side—he had been pressing it around his chin while Daniel told him Mau-
reen’s story.
He was silent for so long that Daniel wondered if he should go back to
cooking. He had stopped after finishing the bacon.
Then Zack calmly said, “I think it’s a bad idea for you to see each other
again.”
“Why? It’ll be the same as before. We just call it what it is.”
“It’s not the same. It’s different now.”
Well, of course it was different, but Daniel didn’t want to hear that. “Why
are you fighting this? Why do you suddenly want to play Dr. No? You were
fine before.”
“But then it ended. And I realized how glad I was it ended.”
E x i l e s i n A m e r i c a
1 3 9
Daniel had been glad, too, but now he wanted it to continue. He had
thought talking to Zack might change his feelings about Abbas, but as soon as
Zack said no, Daniel understood he wanted to continue.
“You’re not just fuck buddies anymore,” said Zack.
“No. We’re not.”
“Are you in love with him?”
Daniel could have flatly said no, but he wasn’t sure what he felt, so he told
the truth. “I don’t know. I like having sex with him. I like that he’s in love with
me. But I don’t know if I love him.”
“But he loves you. That’s dangerous enough.”
Daniel took a deep breath. “Do we have to talk about it? We always talk
about it. If we just let it happen without talking about it, this thing’ll run its
course like the others and that’ll be the end of it.”
“No. This one is different. It’s more complicated. There’s more people in-
volved.”
“Yeah, he’s married with kids. You don’t have to tell me.”
“And he hates me,” said Zack.
“He doesn’t hate you.”
“He’s jealous of me. He said so himself. And I have to say: I don’t like him
much, either.”
Daniel didn’t know how to respond to that.
“I can’t help feeling that he’s using you,” said Zack. “As some kind of
weapon in his marriage. As part of his fight with Elena.”
Daniel wanted to feel insulted, but he’d heard a similar charge earlier
today. Oh yes, he had told Maureen that the Rohanis were using her. “Maybe
he’s just using me for sex,” he told Zack.
“But you agree? He is using you.”
“Maybe I want to be used. It’s fun to be used. It doesn’t happen often
when you get to be our age.”
And Zack’s expression relaxed. The fight went out of his eyes. “Is that
what this is really about? One last fling while you’re still in your forties? Your
last chance at fun before you get old?”
“No. Yes. Maybe. I don’t know! ” Daniel hadn’t even considered it, but of
course it was a possibility. “Is that so damn bad?”
1 4 0
C h r i s t o p h e r B r a m
But before Zack could answer, the telephone rang.
There was caller ID on the extension in the kitchen, in case a patient
called. Zack got up and went to the counter to look. “Oh shit,” he said, but he
picked up. “Elena, hi. Yes?”
He listened to her—Daniel could hear only the seethe of an angry voice
across the room. It seemed that Elena and Abbas were having another argu-
ment. Zack frowned—it was a different frown from the one he’d worn during
their argument. And he and Daniel were having an argument, too, weren’t
they?
“No, Elena. I wasn’t lying. I thought things were fine. I just now heard
about it myself. I also heard about you and your babysitter. No, I’m not ac-