dog. It doesn’t matter.”
She was looking straight at Zack, still smiling—a cool, rational, bittersweet
smile.
Zack had sensed something like this coming; he was not sure why. Maybe
it was the steady note of grievance in her bitter humor.
“Why do you say that, Elena? Do we both know the same thing here?”
9 0
C h r i s t o p h e r B r a m
She held out two open hands with a look of grand innocence. “I do not
know how much you know.”
“Then we do know the same thing.”
She shrugged again, the most damning shrug imaginable. She leaned
across the table, still smiling. Her smile looked less convincing up close. “I do
not mind,” she said. “It is only sex. A genius needs his sex. But I did not know
if you know.”
“I wasn’t sure if you knew, but I’m glad you do.”
“Good then. We need to say nothing more.” And she leaned back and sat
up straight, acting quite cool and sardonic. She stole a quick glance at the
door to the basement.
“The stairs creak,” Zack assured her. “We can hear her if she starts to
come up. Or we’ll hear Jocko.” He wanted to talk about this but didn’t know
where to begin. He had never had this conversation before. “So this happens
regularly?” he said.
“Now and again. And you?”
“Now and again. But not with a married man before.”
“Will Abbas be safe?”
Zack was thrown. “Daniel believes in safe sex, if that’s what you mean. He
gets tested regularly. He’s negative.” This was such a strange thing to tell
someone you barely knew. But their spouses were tricking, which made them
more intimate than any family.
“No, I mean—can I trust your lover with my husband? Will he be careful
of his feelings? Will he treat him badly?”
“That’s not Daniel’s style.” Zack paused. “Funny. I wanted to know if
Abbas would be kind to Daniel but didn’t know how to ask.”
“It is a concern,” she agreed.
“I hope Abbas isn’t one of those men who needs to make people fall in
love with him just to feed his self-esteem?”
“They fall in love,” said Elena. “Men and women. But not because he
makes them. He doesn’t care. They fall in love only because he is lovable. And
he is lovable. He is so fucking lovable.” She thought she kept it bittersweet,
but only the bitter came through.
“Do you see other people?” he asked her.
E x i l e s i n A m e r i c a
9 1
She shrugged. “Now and then. When the opportunity arises.”
“Men or women?”
She looked surprised. “You’re not as innocent as I thought.”
“I’m a psychiatrist.”
“You’re an American. And Americans like everything to be clean and neat.
Do you see other people?”
He noticed that she didn’t answer his question. “I have. But not for a
while. It’s too much trouble.”
She clapped her hands. “Yes!” she cried. “You are right!” Her body lan-
guage was abrupt and manic, a Russian rhythm. “It is so much trouble. Break-
ing hearts can be fun when you are young. But no fun when you are older and
your own heart is brittle.”
“True,” said Zack hesitantly. Were they still talking about the same thing?
“Sex is often a power game for younger people. But we’re too old for that. All
four of us.”
“You think?” She paused. “We have experienced much—me more than
him. Too much to sweat the small stuff.” She looked at Zack. “What is your
reason? Why do you let him do this? Do you love him too much or too little?”
“An interesting way to put it,” said Zack. She was not only aware but very
precise about her emotional details. He liked her more and more. “I some-
times love him too much, and sometimes too little, and sometimes not at all,”
he admitted. “But it all averages out by the end of the year.”
Elena raised her eyebrows. “I remember feeling like that. Yes. It could av-
erage out. But no more. Now I never love him too much. Which is a relief. I
love his painting. I love his children. But him I love just a little. Which is
enough.”
Zack didn’t believe her. He suspected she didn’t fully believe herself ei-
ther.
There was a loud buzz downstairs like a foghorn.
“Maman!” Mina shouted. “Le washer!”
“I hear!” But she remained in her chair, reluctant to get up. “We have said
enough for today. I should take care of this.”
“But we haven’t had our coffee,” said Zack.