A Gothic maiden stood in flickering light that might be hellfire or heaven,
it was hard to tell in black-and-white.
Daniel sat on the sofa. “The man’s a total mess,” he said. “It was never
about love. It was about pride and sex. Ego and sex. Although it wasn’t sex
E x i l e s i n A m e r i c a
2 6 5
tonight. It was just a Jew and a Muslim sitting naked in a Motel 6 and snap-
ping at each other. That was my Christmas.”
Zack pressed the pause button on the remote. The image on the screen
froze, not perfectly but shakily. Zack remained turned toward the TV. “Your
face is red with whisker burns,” he said.
“Yeah?” Daniel nervously touched his cheek. “I must look like I’ve been
rimming a porcupine. I know you don’t want to hear about it, but nothing
happened tonight. He couldn’t even get an erection.”
“No, I don’t want to hear about it,” Zack said drily. “I’m tired of hearing
about it.”
“It’s no good trying to jump back into something that’s over.”
“I told you, I’m tired of hearing about it.”
Daniel ignored the plea. “Do you know why he wanted to get laid tonight?
You know whose idea it was? Elena’s.”
That got Zack’s attention.
Daniel backtracked and filled him in on Hassan’s invitation to Iran—“I
can’t say I’m surprised,” said Zack—then explained Elena’s role and how
upset he’d been when Abbas told him.
“So it was Elena’s fault the two of you went off to fuck?”
“I told you, we tried to fuck but couldn’t.”
“You get no points there.”
“Why are you angry?”
“Because I thought it was over. I was sure it was over. I was glad it was
over!”
Zack losing his temper made Daniel lose his. “But some people won’t let it
be over! They keep throwing us together! Socially or sexually! You’re the one
who invited them to dinner the other night.”
“I didn’t! You did! Remember?”
“But you wanted me to invite them!”
Zack was silent for a moment. “So where did you leave things?”
“We’re not going to see each other again.”
“Where have I heard that before?”
“Look. There’s nothing we want from each other now. We can’t have sex.
We can’t talk. I think he’s getting religious.”
2 6 6
C h r i s t o p h e r B r a m
He thought that last item might interest Zack. Instead Zack said, “How do
you know you won’t want sex again? After his brother leaves town, maybe
he’ll be able to perform again.”
Daniel hadn’t considered that. He didn’t like considering it now. “No. I
know him too well now. Sex has gotten too complicated. It’s not fun anymore.
It wasn’t fun tonight. I’d have to be a total masochist to want to go back to
bed with him. I’d have to be obsessed or in love, and I assure you, I’m neither
of those things.”
“That’s good to hear,” Zack said softly. “I’m glad to hear that.” So softly
that Daniel barely caught it, the whisper of sarcasm.
He was angry with Daniel, coldly angry. Which was his right, of course.
Yet Zack’s cold anger made Daniel indignantly angry with Zack. It was an un-
just emotion, yet Daniel felt it.
“You’re really pissed with me tonight, aren’t you?” said Daniel.
Zack paused. “Yes. And with myself. And with them. We’re much too in-
volved here, too tangled up in Rohanis. I wish we could wash our hands of the
entire family.”
“We can now,” said Daniel. “If you want to. I made a start.”
“I think it’s too late for a total break. But maybe we can cool it.”
“Fine with me.”
They were both silent, as if waiting for someone to admit or deny blame,
or offer ground rules for breaking off with the family.
“Want to watch the movie?” said Zack. “I could return to the beginning.”
He was backing away from the argument, offering peace.
Daniel stood up. “No. Finish it without me. I’m going to bed.” And he
started up the stairs.
It was a petty blow against Zack, a peevish poke. He knew how much Zack
disliked seeing a movie without him, sorry they couldn’t discuss it afterward.
Zack could be such a baby. Which Daniel wanted to remember tonight. He
was tired of always being the greedy, guilty, neurotic, needy one.
35
Dr . Knowles? Hassan Rohani here. I would like to buy you coffee.
Today or tomorrow. I am leaving on Sunday. I do not know your