Exiles in America(115)

come see him? “She sent you?”

“Yes. She wanted me to take my edge off. I was so impossible to be

around.”

Daniel was amazed by how angry this made him. He tried to cool his temper

by chuckling. All he produced was a dry, mirthless noise. “You people. You’re

crazy. You’re all crazy! And you keep dragging me into your craziness!”

“You are angry?” said Abbas. “Why are you angry?”

“You tell me. Or no. I’ll tell you.” He took a deep breath. “I’m angry be-

cause you don’t know what the hell you want. You don’t know if you want to

be a gay man or a good father or a great painter or a good brother or what.

E x i l e s i n A m e r i c a

2 6 3

You have to have your wife tell you that you’re horny before you even come

looking for me.”

Abbas closed his eyes. “I am sorry to bring you out on such a cold night

and not deliver. But I am even more frustrated than you that I cannot get

hard.”

“Yeah, because that’s the only way you can see me: with a hard-on. Other-

wise I don’t exist.” The bed was too warm now, too confining. Daniel threw

back the covers and got up. “Hell, Elena is more aware of my existence than

you are.” He walked around the bed, looking for his boxer shorts. “She thinks

a roll in the hay with me will guarantee you won’t want to run off to Iran? She

doesn’t have a clue, does she?”

Abbas was scowling. “Why are you talking like this? You are talking like a

man in love. You are not in love with me.”

Daniel found his shorts and flipped them open. There are few acts more

awkward than pulling on your undershorts after failed sex. Daniel stepped in

and pulled them up before he answered. “No, I’m not in love. This isn’t love

talking. This is just ego. It’s just pride. I have my pride, you know.”

They were only words, of course, but they felt right, they felt true. Daniel

was relieved to have stumbled upon them.

Abbas seemed to consider their accuracy. He lifted his arm and pointed.

“Give me my clothes.”

“Get them yourself.”

“I don’t want you to see me like this.”

“Like what? Like I haven’t seen you naked a hundred times? Like I

haven’t seen every inch of your body?”

Abbas closed his eyes. “I feel very ashamed right now. Please. ”

It was such a desperate request that Daniel gave in. He gathered Abbas’s

clothes off the floor and dumped them on the bed.

“Why the sudden modesty? Is it your guilty conscience? Or your brother?

Or do you suddenly believe in God?”

Abbas glared at Daniel. “You are an American fool. You know nothing

about family or homeland or God. And a guilty conscience is a Western con-

cept. Turn around.”

“Don’t flatter yourself. I don’t need to see your dick.”

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C h r i s t o p h e r B r a m

Daniel turned away and sat on the other bed to get dressed. He heard

the slither and snap of clothing behind him. Their bodies were as angry as

their voices, confused to have been naked without getting any pleasure or

relief.

Daniel finished first and stood at the door, waiting for Abbas. He opened

the door and stood back, careful not to touch him. Fifteen minutes ago they’d

been able to grope or poke anywhere. Now the slightest brush of a hand

seemed like an insult. Abbas walked past with his head held high, acting

proud that they hadn’t had sex.

He was getting into the Saab when a pair of headlights swung by, illumi-

nating him from the waist up. He raised his arm to shield his eyes, like a man

having a vision in a biblical epic. Daniel covered his eyes too and saw a small

white sedan cruising the front of the motel, apparently lost.

The sedan came back again as they were pulling out. Abbas slammed on

the brake. Both vehicles paused, motors running, each driver waiting for the

other to roll down a window and speak. Then the white car lightly tooted its

horn, as if to say “Sorry,” and drove on.

f 2

They said nothing on the drive back into town.

When they pulled up outside the house, Daniel declared, “I think we need

to avoid each other from here on out.”

“Absolutely,” said Abbas.

Daniel waited for details, but Abbas offered none. Daniel got out of the

car and carefully closed the door, not wanting to slam it.

In the house, the living room was dark, and Daniel was afraid Zack had

gone to bed. Then he heard music downstairs, a sinister pipe organ. Zack was

watching a movie.

Daniel came down the stairs. Zack only glanced at him. “I went ahead and

started Faust. Since we both already know the plot.”