He nods solemnly when she slips beside him to go out the door.
“I’ll go out there with her, so you can have this time alone, okay?” I squeeze his warm hand.
“No,” his voice cracks as his hand tightens around mine, almost painfully. “Stay.”
“Okay, then, I’ll be here until you tell me to go.”
Wes flicks his eyes over at me, irritation framing his face. “I’ll be gone long before I’d ever have to tell you to go. Let’s just get this shit over with.”
When he doesn’t move, I decide to take the first step, and he surprises me by following without any further encouragement. I watch his gaze scan the room as we step further into it, and I’m immediately moved by his reaction. I never would’ve expected this, especially after his last statement. His expression changes shape from stony to withered as soon as he sees her fragile body lying in the bed. Even though he stays rooted in place, something inside him immediately shifts. Years of bitterness and loathing melt away, giving way to an open mind and possibilities of forgiveness. I don’t think he truly believed when I told him that her parents were at fault for her desertion, but right now, this very moment, I think he actually wants to. I can’t express how honored I feel to be the one to witness this change in him. The change in his heart.
It’s this very moment that I know he’s going to be okay. And the moment I know that I’m completely in love with him. Even through his hardheadedness and multitude of personalities, I can now clearly see the man that I’ve known was in there all along. He’s strong and dominant, but at the same time, so yielding and kind.
“You didn’t tell me that I look like her.” His soft voice isn’t accusatory; he’s in awe. “It’s weird to look at her and realize that this is her. This person is the one that I’ve always wondered about. I don’t know how to even begin processing all of this.”
I lean over and rest my head against his shoulder. “It’ll take some time, I’m sure. But like your mom said, just do whatever feels right. There isn’t a right or wrong reaction.”
“I think I want to stay a while and let it all absorb.”
I think he wants to stay a while and see if she wakes up, but I’m not going to push him to admit it. “Okay, do you want me to—”
“Stay, Cal,” he interrupts. Stalking into the darkest corner of the room, he eases into the chair, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees. Watching her. I take the recliner right beside her bed to do the same.
The room is quiet, except for the steady rhythm of the heart monitor and the shuffle of feet in the hallway. As I watch the steady rise and fall of her chest, I wonder how we’ll all go on from here. I wonder what the future holds. I already know that Chesley doesn’t have much time, but I’m not giving up hope that she and Wes can get to know each other a little before she’s gone. And I wonder how establishing this relationship might change him, if at all. I know that what his ex-wife did has scarred him for life, and I know there’s nothing I can do to heal that part of him. I just hope that finding this connection with the woman who gave birth to him will open up parts of his heart that he didn’t know existed. Forgiveness has a way of healing your heart, even when it's shattered into a million pieces.
BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
Not at all a pleasant way to wake up.
At first I start to reach for my alarm clock, but I remember I’m still at the hospital. I sit up in my seat and look over at Chesley. Her eyes are wide, her breathing is erratic, and I’m immediately concerned that she’s having some sort of attack. But when I realize what she’s staring at, it all makes sense. She sees Wes.
I have to mentally prepare myself before I can look over at him, but I’m relieved when I see him leaned against the wall, sleeping soundly.
“That’s him?” she asks, her voice is hoarse and nearly unintelligible. “That’s Wesley?”
I jump up from my seat, a little lightheaded from the sudden rush. “It is.” I cover her hand with mine. “Once we found out where you were, we came straight here. He wanted to stay until you woke up.”
“Oh.” That’s all she can seem to come up with to say. Her eyes are brimmed with tears, and her shaking hand covers her trembling mouth. I watch the first tear as it spills over the thin line of lashes and several more quickly follow. As each one of them saw the other, I’ve been able to witness the most honest and raw of reactions and probably the most beautiful thing I’ve ever been a part of in my life. I’m proud of myself for making this happen. It’s good to be a part of something that’s so much bigger than me.