Every Kiss(89)

I’m guessing he’s talking about the child he’s hiding from everyone. “I don’t care, Wes. You’re right. There’s a lot we don’t know about each other, but in time, we’ll get there, and we’ll work through it. I can’t promise that it won’t ever end, but that shouldn’t stop us from trying, from giving it everything we have. Don’t tell me you don’t care for me enough to try because I already know you do.”

One hand fists in the top of his hair, and his eyes fall closed. “I don’t,” he says softly. “I can’t do this with you.”

Reaching out for him, I take his face in my hands, catching him off-guard. “You’re lying. This isn’t about your mother or about your ex-wife. This is about you and me. For once in your life, Wes, don’t let them have any effect on what you want. Push all of that out of your mind for just a minute. Be honest with me, and more importantly, be honest with yourself. What the hell do you want? If you can look me in the eyes and tell me that it’s not me, then I’ll leave.”

His jaw clenches, and I hear the sound of his teeth grinding together. He stands there silent for what feels like an eternity, but when his gaze locks onto mine, I know this is our moment of truth. He’s told me that he “felt” something for me before, but it’s more than that, and we both know it.

“Cal, I . . .” His throat works on a hard swallow. “No, I don’t want to be with you.”

His words shoot like daggers straight into my heart. I know he cares about me; I’ve seen the proof. But when I open myself up to him and make myself completely vulnerable and exposed, and he can still deny his feelings for me, then there’s a thick layer of cold steel around his heart that I’m not sure I can ever get past.

“Fine,” I sigh, trying to keep my composure. I can feel the tears threatening to spill from my eyes, but I can’t let them. Not yet. “Then I guess I’ll go. But only for now. I won’t give up on you as easily as you give up on yourself.”

Spinning on my heel, I dart out the door, determined to keep my steps quick but steady, even though all I want to do is run. I was naïve to think that this would work so easily and that no matter what has happened with his mother or ex, I would be enough to make him let go of the past and finally grab hold of his future. Clearly, at least while he’s in this frame of mind, I’m not even close to enough.

But by the time I reach the door handle on my car, a hand grips my elbow and jerks me to a stop. “Damn it, Callie.”

Before I can turn to look at him, before any words can escape me, he turns me around and lunges, shoving me against the car. All at once, his body pins mine against the sun-warmed metal of my car door, and he’s all over me. His long fingers dive into my hair, tugging just enough to urge me impossibly closer, and his mouth attacks mine almost brutally, bringing both pleasure and pain every time he draws my lips into his mouth deeply or nips at them. It’s all so intense that I want to tell him to stop and beg him for more at the same time.

When he pulls away, I have to stop myself from whining, but all is forgiven when Wes’ lips skim along my jaw and up to my ear. “Of course, I want you.” His voice is a soft rumble, but almost pleading. Like it’s killing him inside to make that admission. “I hate myself every time I have to lie and tell you differently. I hate myself every time I push you away. You’re all I’ve wanted since the day I met you.”

“Well, don’t fight it anymore,” I say, wrapping my arms around his neck and nuzzling my face into the crook. “Just give it a chance. Give us a chance.”

Every muscle in his body turns to stone. “I can’t, Callie. You know that. I just can’t do it.”

“Bullshit.” I shove at his shoulders as hard as I can, catching him off-guard enough that he stumbles a step backward. “You can. This is your chance to prove you aren’t the coward that I think you are. I’ve seen the calendar on your desk at work. I know about the lists, and I’ve seen my name on them every single day. You can’t fool me anymore, and I’m not giving up on you. I’m not letting you run away from me anymore.”

His skin blanches slightly. “Why were you snooping on my desk?”

“Stop deflecting. That’s the only thing I saw. Just admit that I’m on your mind, admit that you think about me as much as I think about you, which is all the damn time.”

“You know I do,” he groans, taking a step toward me. “Every second of every day. But you make it seem like this has been easy for me, and I can promise you that it hasn’t. I just know that I’m better off right now, only thinking about you, than I will be when you leave me.”