Yet even as the knowledge taunted him, Staffan couldn't help but submit to a moment's weakness. Pregnancy had given Saffi an inner glow, making her seem more feminine and womanly. Her softness was ethereal now, and it was sexy as hell. Just one glance from those blue eyes, the brush of their skins, all of it made him want to forget that Saffi had given herself to another man.
When Staffan reached for her hand under the table, Saffi couldn't breathe, couldn't talk – she just felt. She wanted to cry and right now, she didn't think it was just because of hormones. Surrounded by the warmth of Staffan's family, seeing how much his younger siblings resembled Staffan – it had made Saffi try to imagine what their baby would look like.
She squeezed Staffan's hand even as she nodded several times to Edana and Cairo, who were both taking turns telling her about how Staffan's last visit had caused a riot. "There were---" Edana paused, her forehead furrowing. She spoke the word in Swedish, giving her father an inquiring glance.
"Barricades," Saffi translated with a smile.
All heads turned to her. "You speak Swedish?" Conrad exclaimed.
Saffi colored. "Just … enough. I wanted to surprise Staffan."
"I was dutifully surprised," Staffan said dryly even as he softly rubbed his thumb over her knuckles.
"I'm so happy you speak Swedish!" Cairo burst out. "There are so many more things I wanted to say but I couldn't figure out how to say it in English." He made a face at Elvira.
Elvira made a face back. "No. Rules are rules – you must practice your English if you are speaking to those who are not from here."
"But Saffi is family," Edana protested. "We already have to study English in school, Mama. I just don't want to---"
"How about this instead," Saffi interrupted. "You guys talk to me in English, I talk to you in Swedish – so that we all get to practice. Plus," she added winsomely, "I know misery loves company. That way, we're all miserably practicing together."
There was a slight pause before the two children burst into laughter while Staffan's parents grinned.
"Ingenuous – childishly so but ingenuous still," Staffan couldn't help but remark.
"You are such a delight, Saffi," Elvira said with a happy sigh. "I hope you and Staffan can visit us again soon. But---" She hesitated. "Is flying frequently good for your … condition?"
"What condition?" Edana demanded, immediately picking up the change in the atmosphere.
"It's fine, Mrs. Aeh---"
"Mama, please, my darling," Elvira invited.
She flushed with pleasure. "Mama, it's fine. I checked with my doctor. As long as I keep myself hydrated and I do my best to sleep during the flight then rest again when we land, it won't be a problem."
"Why are you checking with your doctor?" Cairo demanded.
Saffi faced the kids. "Because," she confessed shyly but happily, "I'm having a baby."
Staffan released her hand.
Saffi could feel him tensing beside her, and she knew all the memories had just flooded back, driving a wedge between them. Keeping her smile in place, she reached out and grabbed his hand, not letting go even if he was subtly trying to pull his hand away.
Gripping his hand on her lap, she told the kids, "I'm hoping you can all be there when I give birth. You could also help me choose a name for the baby." She pretended to mull it over. "If it's a boy, what do you say about Staffi?"
Silence.
Even Staffan was distracted, and unable to help it, he said, "What the fu---" At his mother's narrow-eyed warning, he corrected himself immediately. "I mean, what the heck are you saying?"
"Well, it's the combination of both our names---"
"I don't fuh-uh-reaking like it." Staffan glared at her.
Edana giggled. "It rhymes with Daffy Duck, though." Her giggles turned into laughter. "Staffan's baby will be named after Daffy!" Her parents and Cairo joined in.
Saffi glanced at Staffan with an innocent look. "You don't like it?"
"He-eck no," Staffan growled.
"Then how about … Stapphire?"
His younger siblings were doubled over with laughter. "Ah, yes," Conrad murmured, straight-faced. "Your first name is Sapphire, isn't it? Stapphire has a ring to it."
Seeing that everyone was ganging up on him, he smiled at Saffi and said in a velvety voice, "I have a suggestion, too, koukla mou. How about we call our baby H because---"
"---ah, on second thought, my suggestions sucked," Saffi said quickly, red-faced at Staffan's threat to share anything about her other persona.
It was Staffan's turn to look all innocent. "But baby, I think it's great. We can combine Stapphire with H because---"
"Because?" Elvira asked eagerly.
"Because H … is … umm … my favorite letter since most of my favorite fish start with the letter ‘H'," Saffi blurted out.
Everyone was staring at her now.
"Fish?" Edana finally repeated blankly.
Ignoring the way Staffan's shoulders were rocking with silent laughter, she said weakly, "Yes, fish. I study fish in my university so … umm … I have a lot of favorite fish." Before anyone else could say anything, she looked at the turkey before her. "Umm, I'm hungry. How about we eat dinner now?"
****
Staffan was still grinning as he led the way to his old bedroom. Throughout the entire Thanksgiving dinner, which Elvira had insisted on celebrating in advance while they were all together, Staffan had constantly tried bringing up stories about H, which Saffi had desperately counteracted with stories about her fish. At the end of the day, she had a feeling that the Aehrenthal family was thinking they had welcomed an eccentric fish-obsessed member into their circle.
"It's not funny," she grumbled to him as he opened the door. Walking past Staffan, she only managed three steps before freezing and then completely melting into a puddle of fangirl goo.
This was Staffan's bedroom when he was young, and it seemed that Elvira hadn't changed a bit of it. She half-ran to the shelves, running her hands on the spines of Staffan's books, which were a mixture of music and business. His desk was extremely neat, with framed photos of his family lined up. His walls had framed limited-edition posters of his favorite musicians, a number of them legends in the Swedish music scene.
Staffan's chest clenched as he watched Saffi run around the room like a kid that had been let loose in a toy shop. She looked so innocent, so fucking innocent that he just wanted to goddamn bury his head in the sand and pretend that the world outside never existed. It would be so fucking easy, so fucking better to pretend that Saffi was the same girl he had fallen in love with.
She was smiling and sighing at the same time, letting her fingers drift over every surface. And then she was throwing the doors of his closet wide open---
"Wait, dammit---" But it was too late.
"Oh. My. God." She slowly took the costumed outfit out. "So it's true," Saffi breathed.
"No, it's fucking not."
"I thought it was just some kind of hoax, I mean, you know, like you've been Photoshopped – but it's true!" Saffi started to laugh as she held up the coat hanger holding a plastic-wrapped three-piece Elvis Presley outfit, with an elaborate wig tied to it. "You really did impersonate him when you were in college!"
He grabbed the outfit from Saffi and shoved it back inside the closet before slamming the doors closed. "If you ever breathe one word to anyone about this---" When he turned around to scowl at Saffi, she was already half naked, her dress lying in a pool of velvet around her feet.
His mouth went dry.
Hands now shaking, she unclasped her bra and let it fall to the floor. "Staffan," she said softly.
"What?"
"I meant what I said. I want you in my bed every night."
His jaw hardened at her words, and she could see his inner struggle reflected in his eyes.
Swallowing, she raised her arms as if to welcome him. "Staffan, please? I want you so much now." When he still didn't respond, Saffi let her hands drift over her breasts. Closing her eyes, she whispered, "Please, Staffan. I need you to touch me. I need to feel your body against me. I need you to rip my panties---"
It was the trigger she was looking for, and he was on her in an instant. Staffan ripped her panties off the same time he swept her into his arms. His lips took hers as he gently lowered her to the bed. Saffi's eyes pricked with tears she quickly blinked away, everything in her crying out her love for Staffan. Even now – even though she knew he still doubted their baby was his, he was careful not to hurt her or the baby.
She helped him take off his own clothes even as their lips moved hungrily against each other, neither of them willing to break their kiss. When he was naked, Staffan's lean hard form settled over hers like a second layer of skin that was all heat, passion, and magic – oh dear God, it was magic. His kiss, his touch, his possession – Saffi couldn't help whispering, "I love you."