"Uhh, yes. You see, lately she hasn't been going to classes---" He stopped, feeling like he had somehow twisted a knife in Staffan so Alan backtracked quickly, saying, "Anyway, I have it in good authority that Saffi will be in uni tomorrow for another meeting with the first-year student she's mentoring."
Saffi hadn't been attending her classes---because of him. It was yet another sin laid on his soul. Could he ever fucking make it up to her? Staffan vividly remembered how she excitedly posted photos of one fish after another in her Instagram account, and each fucking fish didn't have just a name – she even knew its family history, practically able to trace its genealogy to three generations back. If that didn't spell passion for what she was doing, nothing else would.
And Staffan had been the one to take it all away from her.
He forced his attention back to Carson, who was now telling him about a potential ally in a girl named Mary. "Thank you for the information, Carson. It's extremely helpful." The college Saffi attended wasn't just exclusive, but it was also famously tight-lipped, with even his most expert detectives unable to extract any kind of information about Saffi's academic schedule.
"So that's it then." Alan cleared his throat. "I'm really sorry about what happened---"
"It's not your fault. I was the one who fucked up."
Alan said heavily, "Good luck."
"Thank you."
After the call, Staffan reached for his iPad and checked her Facebook page again, out of habit and out of desperation. But this time what he saw made him cold with fear.
No.
He clicked the refresh icon again, hoping it was a glitch. But it wasn't. He checked her other accounts and they were the same.
Deactivated.
It was like Saffi cutting him completely from her life forever. The iPad fell to the floor with a heavy thud as Staffan became numb with terror, realizing that this was how the rest of his life would feel if he didn't have her back.
Saffi. I'm so goddamn sorry, Saffi.
Chapter Thirteen
@YannaEverleigh, Twitter:
@staffan_aehrenthal is in luuuuuuuuuurv.
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@ConstantijinKastein, Twitter:
@YannaEverleigh I will try not to let him kill you, schat.
@staffan_aehrenthal, Twitter:
@YannaEverleigh @ConstantijinKastein Too late.
"Are you excited about tonight's fundraiser?" Mary asked her mentor and she put the last of her books back inside her bag. Today's brainstorming session had proceeded much more smoothly than the last one, although she was more relieved for Saffi's sake than hers. She had hated seeing the other girl so despondent. Thankfully, Saffi appeared a lot better now even though she was still painfully thin.
"Yup." Saffi uttered the lie without even blinking. She even managed a grin, knowing how the younger girl worried about her. Everyone was worrying about her. She hated herself for it, but somehow she couldn't do anything about it either.
When she realized Mary already had all her books cleared out, Staffi stood up quickly and froze right after, the world spinning around her. God. She felt so weak these days.
Mary saw Saffi actually sway as she got to her feet. "Are you okay?"
Saffi made a dismissive gesture with her hand. "Don't mind me. You know how clumsy I am. I just lost my balance for a sec."
Mary stood by the door, trying not to be so obvious with the way she gave Saffi a closer look while the other girl began putting back her own books in her satchel-styled bag. Sadness usually made people look ugly, but somehow it just enhanced Saffi's beauty, making her appear frail and ethereal with the way her big blue eyes now seemed so much bigger and her cheeks more defined. Was Saffi aware of how she was driving every guy in school crazy crushing after her? In fact, the more Saffi ignored them, the more the guys seemed to want her.
After slinging the strap of her bag over one shoulder, Saffi caught Mary staring. "What is it?" she asked, startled. "Do I have dirt on my face?"
Mmm … probably not, Mary thought. Saffi had always appeared oblivious to her looks, sometimes acting as if she was the very opposite of attractive. But these days she wasn't just oblivious. These days, Saffi actually looked like she couldn't believe any guy could want her, which of course made every guy want to be the one to kiss her into realizing how beautiful and sexy she was.
Mary shook her head, realizing that Saffi was still waiting for an answer. "I really can't thank you enough for inviting me," she said.
Saffi grinned, and this time it was genuine. "I know I'm the one up for the nerdy award, but I'm pretty sure you're even more excited I am because of a certain someone."
Mary's eyes widened. "W-what are you saying?"
Saffi groaned. "Hey! I didn't mean to make you feel nervous! I'm sorry."
"I c-can't b-believe y-you k-know a-about it." Mary's stammering worsened when she realized that Saffi did know about her secret.
Saffi bit her lip hard, knowing it wouldn't do the other girl any good to let her find out how horrible she was at keeping her secret. With the way Mary's gaze constantly followed Professor Richard Byron whenever the two of them were in the same room, everyone in uni knew about the younger girl's not-so-secret crush.
"Any guy you're crushing on should be flattered," Saffi finally said, meaning it. "And if he's not then he's an idiot."
Mary blushed. "That's nice of you to say, but I'm not you."
Saffi opened the door, gestured for Mary to precede her and switched the lights off before locking the door. She and Mary were pretty lucky that Professor Matthews had allowed them to use the classroom for their session.
Outside, the two of them were immediately caught by a whirlwind of action, with students literally running and shoving their way past them.
"What on earth is happening?" Saffi asked as she found herself twirling almost 360 degrees back to where she started as countless screaming girls stampeded past them. The crowd's excitement was contagious and Saffi couldn't help grinning as she and Mary joined the chaos and allowed the tidal wave of people to sweep them away.
It almost felt as thrilling as being in a concert of …
No. She was not going to think about it. This was as thrilling as … as a Celsius concert.
Saffi and Mary glanced at each other---and they simultaneously broke into giggles. "I almost feel cool because I'm a part of … of whatever this is," Mary admitted with a wide smile.
"You are cool," Saffi said then added, "But just imagine if this turns out to be a simple earthquake drill! Would that still make you feel cool?" Mary was still laughing as they finally reached the main lobby of the building. As the crowd took them closer and closer to the main doors, Saffi realized that the girls around her were chanting something repeatedly.
Mary's eyes widened, her head snapping towards Saffi in shock as both of them realized what the deafening screams were all about. Mary saw Saffi's face turn white, and she cried out in alarm. "Are you all right?"
Saffi froze at the foot of the steps, causing the other students behind her to lose their balance. They cursed, shoved, and threw dirty looks at her but Saffi couldn't make herself move, unable to believe what she was hearing the crowd chant.
Staffan. Staffan. Staffan.
Surely, this couldn't be---but it was. Oh, dear voluptuous velvet-belly shark, it really was. Once, Saffi had dreamt about this – dreamt of being wooed by the man she loved in front of the entire school. It was the stuff romantic fantasies were made of. But now, it was a total nightmare.
The crowd parted before Saffi like the Nile River. Her stomach churned painfully as her lowered gaze saw the most exquisite pair of shiny men's leather shoes, and the churning sensation grew worse as the owner of those shoes began walking towards her.
She couldn't move, think, or even breathe. Was she going to faint in front of him? God, please no, let her not faint. She didn't want to give him the satisfaction of realizing how much he still affected her, didn't want him to know how so easy he could make her his slut with just one---
"Hello, Saffi." The sighs that went through the crowd as Staffan spoke were beyond audible. It was practically tangible, accompanied as it was with a shared thrill of seeing the object of their long-time sexual affections in person, up close and personal.
Her head shot up, just as one of the girls behind her muttered loudly, "I can't believe he knows her."
Staffan was even more gorgeous than she remembered, with his hair beautifully wild, his hazel eyes dazzlingly bright, his chiseled face made even more jaw-droppingly handsome by the way his lips curved into a hesitant smile. He was also impeccably dressed. In fact, throughout the tour, the only time she had seen Staffan dress this fabulously was on stage.
Mr. Rockstar Chic.
He really was that.