“He’s never been in a relationship?” I asked.
“Not one that lasted more than two weeks.”
We watched them for another minute, their arms wrapped around each other, both of them carefree and happy. James turned back to me. “I want you to come to California with me when we get back.”
“James, I can’t—my brother, my mom, all the other stuff we haven’t even talked through—”
“I don’t care,” he said, cutting me off. “We’ll bring your brother with us. The rest of it will sort itself out.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Then don’t say anything,” James said, shrugging. “Or just say yes.”
He didn’t carry me back to the room like he threatened to, but we did practically run there.
I let myself enjoy the moment. Maybe the hot sun was getting to me, or maybe I’d had too many rum punches. But I didn’t let myself think about all the bad things in our way. I only thought of him.
“Oh my God, I need you,” he said. He kissed me as soon as we made it through the door, his hands skimming my body, my bathing suit still damp against me.
Then he stopped. He ran his hands through my hair and looked down at me, his steel-blue eyes burning. “Please don’t ever pull away from me again like you did last night. My fucking heart can’t take it, Audrey. I mean it.”
I bit my lip. “I know you don’t understand, but I did that to protect you.”
He took my face in his hands. “You’re not protecting me by running away from me. I need you to stand by my side.” His eyes searched mine. “Do you understand?”
“Yes, but—” I started.
“No buts,” he said, dropping his hands from me and taking a step back. “I’m telling you what I need. I love you. I need to know that you love me, too, and that you’re going to stay with me.”
“I can’t promise you that,” I said, feeling my buzz wear off instantly. My doubts returned, numerous and ugly. “I don’t know if I can. What if I think that I’m not the right thing for you? I love you—I want you to have everything in life that you’re supposed to have. And that’s probably not me.”
“Do you think I give a fuck,” he spit out, “what my parents think? When I first realized that I had feelings for you, I was afraid. But not of them—I was afraid for you. I didn’t want to ask you to be with me, because I knew they wouldn’t treat you fairly.
“But now that I know you love me and we’re together, I don’t care—I’ll let you make a choice about whether or not you want to subject yourself to their dislike, sure. Because that’s fair, and that’s your choice to make. But if you think I’m going to let you choose what’s best for me, you’re fucking crazy. Because I already know what that is. It’s you. I choose you.” He crossed his arms across his powerful, naked chest. “So there.”
“What your mother said to me about the future makes sense, James,” I said, holding my ground. “Your kids are going to have more money than you even have. Scary money. And I’m a fucking whore, James. People will find out about me. You can’t let your kids have a whore for a mother.” All of a sudden, the truth of what I was saying hit me, and hot tears spilled down my cheeks.
“Stop.” He came back to me then, wrapping his arms around me, pulling me to his chest. “If we were lucky enough to have kids, and they were lucky enough to have you as a mom…they wouldn’t care, Audrey. We’d teach them about the real world. In the real world, you have to make choices. Hard choices sometimes. But you do it to protect the people you love the most.”
He held me fiercely, and I clung to him. “Because that’s what a real family does. They would be lucky to have you, Audrey. And so would I.”
James
“They would be lucky to have you, Audrey. And so would I.”
Once I had put all my cards on the table, I held my breath. I loved her, and I wanted her to know it wasn’t just for now.
I wanted a hell of a lot more than that.
“Is it okay if I cry again? For just a second?” she asked, clinging to me.
“One second,” I said. “We are on vacation, after all.”
She nodded against my chest. “I just didn’t think,” she said, sniffling. “I didn’t know. I never even let myself hope—”