“I already told you last night. I care.” He wrapped his arms around me a little tighter. He didn’t say anything else, and I felt both angry at him and a little sorry for him. I was an escort. Having a boyfriend should seriously be the least of his worries about me, on a very long list.
“I’m sorry, Audrey.”
It sounded as if he meant it, and I forgave him instantly. “It’s okay,” I said. I leaned down and kissed him tenderly. I ran my hands through his thick hair before I pulled back. “I’m telling you the truth, though. You have to trust me—and I have to know that I can trust you to do that. If you want to know something, ask. Don’t go behind my back.”
“I do trust you—I was being juvenile. And insecure.” He looked so baffled by that I almost laughed. “It was a dick move. I won’t go behind your back again.”
I nodded and then held up my phone miserably. “I still have to deal with what my mother did.”
“I already dealt with it.”
“Huh?”
His eyes searched my face. “Before. When you were in the shower. Before I promised not to go behind your back again,” he said, sheepish.
“I read the message, and then I had Kai take me to your brother’s place. I handled it, Audrey. You don’t have to worry. Although you do have to sign some paperwork from New Horizons that removes your mother from the account.” He gently moved me off of him and grabbed some papers. “You should do it now. We can scan them and email them in. They’re under strict instructions not to release any more funds for any purpose.”
He held the papers out for me, but I couldn’t take them. I just stood there, shocked, not understanding. “What did you do?”
He looked me in the eye. “Your mother had withdrawn all the money you’d deposited for your brother. I went there and took care of it. And then I went to see your mother.”
“You did what?” I felt relieved, angry, and ashamed all at once. I couldn’t picture James in my mother’s filthy apartment, her walls yellowed with nicotine. I didn’t want to picture it. I covered my face with my hands, as if that could block the image out.
“Audrey. Your brother is taken care of. That’s the most important thing.” He came toward me and gently took my hands from my face.
“How did you know where he was?”
“Kai.”
I nodded numbly.
“And then I had him bring me to your mother’s apartment, because I wanted to make this okay for you. I spoke with her and gave her some money just to tide her over for now. You need a break. You’ve been dealing with this alone for a long time. I wanted to help.”
“You can’t help me,” I said. I sat down shakily on the couch. Tears sprung to my eyes. It was too much. I couldn’t have him in my life like that—especially when I was only going to know him for another week. I had to handle my problems on my own. I couldn’t get used to relying on somebody else. That was only going to lead to big trouble.
“I’m like a cowboy,” I said, wiping my tears away roughly. “I can’t have help. It makes me weak. Do you understand?”
He looked surprised and confused. “A cowboy? No. I don’t get it.” He sank down next to me and took my hands in his. “Please explain what you mean.”
I sniffled. “I read somewhere that good cowboys sleep on the floor when they come home after a long trip. They do it so they don’t get used to sleeping in a bed again. That way, when they go back out to herd, it’s not that bad—they’re still used to being uncomfortable.”
“So… you’re the cowboy,” he said. “And I’m the bed.”
“That’s right, James,” I said. “I’m the cowboy, and you’re the bed. I have to sleep on the floor—I can’t get soft. I can’t have you taking care of my problems and making everything all comfortable and squishy. Because after next week, I’m back out there, sleeping on the hard ground. And if you’re too nice to me, it’s just gonna hurt that much worse.”
“You need to stay rugged,” James said, playing along. “You don’t want you to throw your back out or worse, lose your edge.”
“Right?” I said, sniffling again. “No one wants that.”
“No one wants that.” He paused for a second, watching my face. “So maybe you shouldn’t go back out there.” He pulled me into his arms and held me close, kissing the top of my head. “Maybe you should just stay.”