Leo hadn’t envisaged anything so sudden. He felt unprepared. But he could think of no good reason for putting it off.
‘Yes, if you like. There’s a wine bar in Chancery Lane – Hunter’s. It’s usually fairly quiet early in the evening.’
‘Fine. I’ll see you there.’
Leo clicked off his phone and sat musing. The casual, almost perfunctory nature of the exchange seemed at odds with the significance of the fact that he had just spoken, after a silence of twenty-two years, to the mother of his child, a child whose existence he had been unaware of until very recently. Apart from her initial surprise, Jackie had sounded composed, unflustered by the idea of meeting up with him. But then, people of her age – his age – generally knew how to maintain a facade of imperturbability whatever their emotions. He guessed, however, that her feelings must be as turbulent as his.
Even at half five the basement wine bar was busy. There was a rowdy group of office workers crowded round the bar, the fag end of a Christmas lunch party. Not that he could have found anywhere quieter. Every bar and pub in the City was permanently busy in the run-up to Christmas. Leo glanced round, but could see no solitary females. He seated himself at a table as far away from the raucous office crowd as possible, and ordered a bottle of Rully Blanc and two glasses. He felt nervous, glad he had brought papers with him to read while he waited.
Jacqueline didn’t arrive till six. Leo had glanced up every time someone came into the bar, but when an expensively dressed middle-aged woman, unmistakeably not a City type, appeared in the doorway clutching a number of designer carrier bags, he knew it had to be her. She glanced around, then began to forge a path through the knots of drinkers. The closer she got, the more distinct her features became, and suddenly, extraordinarily, Leo recognised not just the girl in the photo, but the girl from that summer so long ago. She was older, her once dark hair streaked with blonde highlights to hide the grey, but her face was the same – not a girl’s face, but that of a beautiful, poised woman. The physical sight of her seemed to open a door in his mind, and a thousand memories came cascading in. How could he have forgotten? The rush of recollection – of Jackie leaning over a window sill to call to him in the street, of Jackie sitting on a riverbank with her feet in the water, of Jackie tapping out a Gitanes and asking him to teach her to blow smoke rings – was so overwhelming that when he stood up and she recognised him, he was momentarily lost for words.
‘Leo,’ she said. ‘I’m sorry – it took me longer to get here than I thought.’ He stood up and shook the hand she held out. She set down her bags and took off her coat, and he hung it up for her. They both sat down. She clasped her hands together on the table, and smiled at him. ‘What a very long time.’
‘A very long time,’ he replied. He picked up the bottle. ‘I bought some wine. I can’t remember if you …?’
She nodded. ‘Please. Just a small glass.’
He poured the wine. She took a sip, then set the glass down. She met his gaze and let out an awkward laugh. ‘My God, this is so strange.’
Leo smiled. ‘Isn’t it?’ He was fascinated by how much she was still the girl he had once known, and yet not. Their initial exchanges were slow, each hesitating before they spoke.
‘So – I think I must apologise.’
‘For what?’
‘For the shock all this must have been to you. For not telling you at the time. I should have realised Gabrielle would want to find you some day.’
‘As shocks go, it’s been a very pleasant one. Truly.’
‘Maybe. But I should have told you a long time ago.’
‘It doesn’t matter now. Things are as they are.’
Nothing was said for several seconds. They were two strangers, locked in silence, struggling to deal with the intimacy which connected them. When Jackie spoke again, her tone was polite and friendly, like a woman making small talk at a drinks party.
‘Gabrielle tells me you’ve met – what, several times now?’
‘That’s right. We meet just about every week. It helps that she’s a lawyer. I mean, that we’re working in the same area.’
‘She’s doing that because of you. Studying law, I mean.’
‘I doubt that’s entirely down to me.’
‘You’re her father. She sets great store by who you are, what you have achieved.’
‘I’m only her father in one sense. You and your husband have brought her up, you are her true parents.’
There was another long pause, then Jackie said, ‘I’m relieved to hear you say that. Daniel, my husband, has been—’ She broke off, trying to find words. ‘Anxious about all this. There was a time when you seemed to have become a fixation with Gabrielle. She knew about you, she made it her job to learn a lot about you, but she was so nervous about actually going to find you. It took her a long time. We didn’t encourage or discourage. It had to be something she did as and when she wanted to. We were worried she was building you up into something – Daniel thought you might …’ She shrugged. ‘I don’t know … eclipse him in some way. That he would lose something. Not her, but – well, something. The fact of Gabrielle being his daughter.’ She spoke hurriedly, as though glad to be releasing her fears. She looked up at him, her eyes bright with unshed tears. Leo remembered what a very emotional girl she had been. So much was coming back to him.