‘Whatever you’re having,’ said Sarah. She wandered round the room, checking out the pictures and pieces of sculpture, some of them familiar, others not. Then she slipped off her heels, picked up a cushion, and sat on the floor with her back against the sofa, tucking the cushion behind her.
Leo returned with their drinks. He handed her a tumbler of Scotch, thinking that she looked no older than she had when he first met her, sitting on the carpet with her arms round her knees, blonde hair glinting in the glow of the single lamp. He sat down in an armchair opposite, setting the decanter on the floor next to the chair. He stretched out his legs, unfastening his bow tie and the top button of his dress shirt.
Sarah took a sip of her drink. ‘Nice malt,’ she said. ‘Why do you spoil it by putting ice in it?’
‘Sorry. Didn’t realise you were such a purist.’
‘You knew. You’ve just forgotten.’ She swirled the contents of her glass. ‘So – what’s going on in the wonderful world of 5 Caper Court?’
‘Not a great deal. Things roll on much as they ever did. I’m thinking of making some personal changes, though. I may be applying to become a High Court judge.’
‘That’ll be the day. You’d be bored stiff. I know Daddy found it pretty tedious.’
‘Actually, I don’t know why I say “may be applying”. The fact is, I am.’
She stared at him over the rim of her glass. ‘Seriously? You’d be prepared to go from earning what you do as a silk, to a pitiful hundred thousand grand a year? I find that hard to believe.’
‘Life’s not all about money.’
‘Really? Since when?’
‘I’ve gained a great deal from being in the legal profession. It’s shaped my entire life. Now I feel it’s time to give something back. One can’t just go on taking for ever. And the financial sacrifice is hardly as great as you make it sound. I earn far more than I need. Life can be lived quite comfortably on a judge’s salary, you know. If one is doing something one loves and believes in, it’s not hard to make adjustments, to relinquish a standard of living which most people would find ridiculously extravagant anyway, for a single man.’
‘Leo, I don’t think I’ve ever heard you sound so horribly pious.’ Sarah took a swig of whisky. But his words had touched her on the raw. It was exactly what she wasn’t prepared to do where Toby was concerned – to lower her expectations and accept, for love of him, a life less easy and affluent than she had hoped for. She struggled to rationalise it. Whatever sacrifices or changes Leo had to make, at least they were for his own ideals. She was being asked to sacrifice herself for the sake of someone else’s.
Leo saw the clouded look on her face, and asked, ‘What’s eating you? Not something I said?’
‘Sort of. You seem to be turning into an altogether good person. Not something I’m ever likely to become.’
‘Goodness hardly comes into it. I should have thought that you, of all people, would realise that I’m doing this for purely selfish reasons. I want less pressure, and to be able to see more of Oliver. I’m not as young as I was. I need a bit of balance in my life.’ He paused. ‘What makes you think you’re a bad person?’
Sarah set down her glass and ran a tired hand through her hair. ‘Oh, Leo – of all the people in the world, I should be able to tell you … but I daren’t. I’m too ashamed.’
‘Try me.’
She rested her chin on her arms, staring at nothing. After a long silence, she said, ‘It’s to do with Toby. We’re meant to be getting married next year. Everyone’s thrilled – my father and his father are old friends, it seems to them like the perfect set-up, everyone’s all geared up for a big summer wedding. The thing is – I’m not sure I can go through with it.’ She flexed the fingers of her left hand, staring at the diamond.
Leo took the stopper from the decanter. ‘Another?’ She shook her head. He poured himself another finger of Scotch. ‘Well, you won’t be the first woman in the world to call off her wedding. It’s over six months away – hardly a last-minute change of mind. Why so ashamed?’
Sarah shook her head. ‘You don’t understand. It’s my reason for not wanting to go through with it. You see, as long as Toby was a banker, I was quite happy to be marrying him. I mean, someone sane, sweet and decent, so easy to love, earning a six-figure salary, with a whopping great annual bonus on top. What more could a woman ask? I thought our future was secure, perfect – well, as secure and perfect as one can hope for. But then Graffman Spiers went to the wall …’ She drew in a deep breath and reached for her glass. ‘And now he’s decided to turn his back on the banking world and become a teacher.’