Errors of Judgment(29)

‘I suppose,’ said Michael, ‘that at least being a judge allows you to try out new areas of law.’

‘Mmm. Then again, do I want to be sitting on fraud trials? Or hearing rape cases, for that matter?’ Leo swirled his Scotch in its glass. ‘But it shouldn’t just be about me – what I get, or don’t get out of it. There is the altruistic point, the public service aspect. Becoming a judge is a way of contributing. Maybe it’s time I put something back.’

‘Have you discussed it with Henry?’ asked Anthony.

‘Not yet. I’ll have a chat with him next week. I wanted to sound you two out first.’

‘Did you expect us to talk you out of it?’

‘No. I merely wondered if you had any arguments against that I hadn’t already thought of.’

They carried on talking it through for the better part of an hour. When they left the bar, it had grown dark, and the late October air was chilly. Michael said goodnight and headed off to the tube station.

‘I’ll walk with you to your car,’ Anthony said to Leo.

They crossed the road together. ‘Did you mean that stuff about public service?’ asked Anthony.

‘You think I’m not sincere?’

‘Of course not. I was just surprised. I mean – and don’t take this the wrong way – that I don’t automatically think of you as …’ He hesitated. ‘That’s to say, I’ve always regarded you as more—’ He broke off, groping for the right words.

‘Selfish. Out for the main chance. Only interested in number one.’

‘I didn’t say that.’

‘Only because you’re too polite. But it’s true. I’m all of those things. I know myself better than anyone. I take what I want when I want it, and am prepared to let very few things stand in the way of my enjoyment of life.’ They had reached Leo’s car. He turned, the street light etching the sharp planes of his face, glinting on his silver hair. His gaze sought Anthony’s. ‘As regards my private life – by which I suppose I mean my sex life – I have few morals and even fewer scruples. However, where my professional life is concerned, you know how I’ve always striven to maintain the highest standards, to work with the utmost integrity. I suppose the law is one area of my life where I actually want to be a force for good. I believe in the common law of our country, I’m proud to be one of its practitioners, so I think maybe it’s time I did my bit. Not a bad aspiration. Look at Tom Bingham, and the legacy he’s left. The work he did as a judge will shape the law for years to come. Not that I expect my contribution would ever amount to as much, but still.’

‘Very noble.’

This remark seemed to exasperate Leo. ‘It’s not about nobility, Anthony. I remember the day I won my first scholarship from Middle Temple. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to allow me to keep studying, to do my pupillage without starving. I knew then that despite everything, despite growing up piss-poor in a Welsh mining village and having none of the advantages of all those public school types around me, my intellect and ambition were recognised and valued. This profession would let me climb as high as I wanted, if I was prepared to work hard enough. I’ve never stopped striving. Maybe now it’s payback time.’ Anthony was aware that the lilt of Leo’s Welsh accent had grown slightly stronger. ‘Do you understand? Because if you don’t, you should.’

‘I think I understand.’ There was a long silence. When Anthony spoke again, his voice was bleak, lost. ‘I just don’t want you to go.’

‘Nothing’s decided yet. I’m still thinking it through.’ Leo gazed at Anthony. ‘Whatever happens, I’ll never go. Not in that way.’

From where she stood in the shadows, Gabrielle could hear the low murmur of their voices. She wished she could hear what they were saying. And she wished the younger one would just go, and leave the field clear. If she didn’t make her move now, maybe she never would. As she watched, she suddenly saw Leo lean forward, silhouetted in the gleam of the lamplight, and kiss the younger man. Not a light kiss, but passionate and lingering. And the kiss was returned. Gabrielle stood rooted to the spot.

Leo unlocked his car, got in and turned the engine, and the moment when she could do or say anything had passed. The Aston Martin purred over the cobbles and out of the Inn.

Gabrielle walked slowly down to Embankment. This was all getting too confusing. Was Leo Davies gay? She couldn’t believe it. It didn’t make sense. She thought about it as she walked to the station, and came to the conclusion that it made no difference whether he was gay or not. The point was that yet again she’d blown her chance. It was the last time she could afford to let that happen.