She clenched her jaw hard so the groan wouldn’t escape. Five years, and it was as if not an hour had passed. She moved so no part of her body was touching him, though he was still so near. “I work for the Guild now.”
His body stiffened and his tone lost its seductive undertone. “Fuck you mean, the Guild? How could you be involved with them?”
Touching him was always a risk, but she pushed past his arm as quick as she dared to get away from the heat, the smell of him. Willpower was overrated. Safer now, leaning against the arm of her couch, Nalah said, “I needed to leave and they offered to get me away.”
Esh had always been able to read her. He knew when to back away, when to bring her in closer. That ability was intact as, instead of crowding her again, he placed himself across from her, leaning against a wall, a vision of strength. “Tell me everything.”
There was the old commanding tone, and she was grateful for it because now anger was coming forward, pushing back the sexual awareness of him. “You know everything. You were there. You were there when Jac got in trouble, and you were absolutely there when you left him to his fate.”
“And he made his own choices,” Esh replied, his own voice calm in contrast to her rising one. “I told him several times to stay away. I told them those matches were shit. He’s the one who went anyway.”
“One fight could have saved him.”
“You’re not stupid,” he said, his own anger bleeding through. “It’s never one fight with pieces of shit like that.”
“We could have figured it out after he was safe!” The urge to bang her head against the counter hit hard. It was always his way. Make the decision and to hell with any further thoughts. He never listened to her. She exhaled, some of the fight going with it. Calmer, lower, she said, “We could have figured it out.”
“Except I don’t – get – involved!” Every word he spoke was salt rubbed deeper into the wound. “I don’t get mixed up, and I don’t put my neck out. Jac knew that when he made his choice, and he needed to see it through.”
She saw it all, as clear as that day. Her brother bursting into their little apartment, the nicest one they’d ever lived in. The fear on his face, in his voice. Falling to his knees, begging her to talk to Esh.
Esh’s face – hard, unyielding. Refusing the fight, no matter that her brother had been his best friend for years, no matter that her relationship with Esh had been venturing from schoolgirl crush to hot-and-heavy. They’d only kissed and petted, but five years later those moments were still the hottest sexual experiences she’d ever had.
But their relationship hadn’t mattered. Still he refused. Still her brother fought. Still her brother died.
“Since you didn’t come to the match because you wanted to see me, why did you come?” His face and voice were now as inviting as a brick wall. There would be no more talking about the past, at least not now.
She was alone in this world, but she had two things she could be proud of and cherish – the work she did and her mother’s ring. The Guild’s inner workings, well, they made the crime lords she grew up around look like cuddly stuffed animals in contrast, but because of them her life and her gift had meaning. And her mother’s ring was every good memory in her life of her beloved mama. Mama left too soon, wasted away from illness, but until the end she read to Nalah before bed every night and never once snapped at her when she asked once again “Mama, why?”
The past wouldn’t change, and today proved her damned sexual attraction to this man wouldn’t either. Neither mattered though, not compared to the importance of reclaiming the ring. It was what Fallon had been telling her today, and the message at last had made it through. “I was there on Guild business. A situation has developed, and we need your help. I want you to work with me on an assignment.”
Not Happy was an understatement if his darkening countenance was anything to go by. Esh’s fingers stretched wide before curling in a loose fist and with measured movements he stepped away from the wall, began circling her little apartment. “Five years not a word, but once I’m a useful thug, all is set aside and you’ll bother with me again? Did you bring a leash as well?” He was still walking, still too calm.
The flinch that struck her body hit hard, as hard as if he’d laid hands on her. That tiny piece of guilt she’d pushed far back in her emotions wiggled free now, reveling in its moment. No matter the justification for leaving or the importance of the mission that had driven her to see him again, it was the truth. Before the break-in at headquarters and her subsequent assignment, she…well, she’d always thought about Esh and kept up with his exploits through the grapevine, things not even the anger could get her to stop. But going to see him, approach him? No. Before the break-in, that part of her life had been dead. “If anyone else could be here, I would never have brought this back in your life.”