"Dace, I'm being serious." I sighed as we approached his truck. Poor Mazzy must feel so neglected. I'd been riding with Dace all week.
"Get in." Dace shoved me up into the seat and closed the door. He looked stressed as he walked around the nose of the truck. I couldn't help but watch him and wonder what it was I'd said. Clearly, he didn't want me to date. But why? He had no interest in letting our relationship progress, so what was the issue?
Dace climbed in beside me. He started the engine and shifted into reverse. "Dace?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you going to acknowledge me?"
"I always acknowledge you." He stated harshly and I flinched. His hands were tight on the steering wheel. "Have you met someone?"
"What?"
"Have you met someone you're interested in dating?" He didn't look at me. His eyes were trained on the scene beyond the windshield.
"Well," I paused, frowning. "No."
"Then why are we discussing it?"
"Because I don't want to be alone for the rest of my life. I'm freaking twenty-two and I want a relationship." I chewed nervously on my lip. I couldn't believe we were having this discussion. I couldn't believe I wanted his permission to date. "I just want you to know I'm open for it…if the opportunity presents itself."
"This isn't enough for you?" He asked as he pulled into the parking lot of my apartment. "What we have?" He leaned his head back against the seat and closed his brilliant blue eyes. I watched as he fisted his hands, the inked letters on his knuckles stretched tight. They spelled Dannie Demi - his mom's name.
"It's enough for now, Dace." I assured. "You'll always be important to me but,"
"But what, Ella?"
"Never mind." I pushed open the door and jumped down. My throat felt tight and tears burned behind my lids. I didn't wait for him. I'd never felt such a hostile air emanate from him before. I'd never felt like he wanted me to leave him alone.
Behind me, the engine died and the truck door slammed. Dace was behind me in a minute. His hands turned me toward him, winding around my waist to pull me into his chest. Around us, thick snowflakes fell in spirals to the ground. "I'm sorry."
"Me too." I clasped my arms around his neck, pulling him tighter to me.
He buried his face in the nook of my neck, breathing in my scent in only the way he did. It was soothing. And I knew he did it when he needed soothing. The idea that I gave him peace made me feel warm in the deepest recesses of my heart. I cared for him so immensely the thought that I'd hurt him hurt me physically.
"I can't stand the idea of you with some guy." He spoke against my skin, his lips moving with each word. I shivered. "I fucking hate it. You're too good for them all."
I sighed, pulling away from him. "You think too highly of me." I smiled gently. "Let's go inside. I'm cold."
He nodded, his eyes looked tortured. He slid his hand into mine, weaving his fingers with mine as he pulled me into the warmth of the lobby. He pressed the button for the elevator and we waited for the car in silence. As soon as the door rolled open, he pulled me inside, pulling me to him so my back was pressed to his front. He leaned his chin on the top of my head and spoke "I'm afraid of you dating."
"Why?" I asked quietly - cautiously.
"I don't want to lose you." He admitted. "I've never had this with anyone and I know I'll never have it again."
"You're not going to lose me." I turned in his arms and he looked down at me with passion I'd never seen in his eyes. The blue of his irises were bright and hesitant as his eyes settled on my lips. I stopped breathing. I couldn't move and my mind couldn't process what was only moments from happening. Did I want this?
The elevator door chimed as it rolled open and an older couple stepped into the charged space.
"Oh, dear." The man shifted uncomfortably and the woman giggled, covering her smile with wrinkled hands.
"Young love." She hummed and I felt my face set to flames as Dace chuckled. He grasped my hand in his pulling me from the elevator.
"Have a nice evening." I called.
"You too, Dear." The woman grinned from ear to ear and I had a feeling she was remembering her own episodes of young love.
But that wasn't what this was. With Dace and I - although I knew we were walking on the fine line between friendship and more - I didn't know what that more consisted of. Was it love? I knew I loved him. He'd become to mean so much to me in an impossibly short time. He was the factor in my life that was both stable and unknown. He was the variable I expected to be constant. However, I still couldn't seem to understand exactly what it was that was transpiring between us. Was it the first flames of young love? And if I gave into it, would I ruin it all? In the end, would bending to the embers send everything ablaze?