"You'll have me." He vowed. I didn't look at him and he immediately took action, his finger slipping beneath my chin to tilt my face up to his, forcing me to look up at him. "Tell me you'll let me in."
"I have let you in." I shook my head and he dropped his hand to his side. "It's you who haven't let me in."
Dace didn't say anything as I walked away and I didn't look back. I didn't want him to see the tears I couldn't hold back. I didn't know if it was lack of sleep that had sent my emotions into overdrive, or if it was something else, but I was a ruin. And I missed my mom. In times like these - when confusion became too much and my heart became too heavy, I called her. Hearing her voice made me feel good and happy. But I didn't have that anymore. It didn't matter who I had in my life or what Dace said, I was alone.
Chapter 11
I walked to Professor Hanley's class with a thrashing heart. After my episode early this morning, I was afraid to look Dace in the eye. He must think I was insane. Surely he would want nothing to do with me. I was a mental wreck and an emotional hurricane. I couldn't imagine anyone - especially not someone the likes of Dace - to stand by me and wait for more of what I'd displayed. I hoped he sat in the back of the class with the bubble-gum bimbos. That was his scene. Not me. I wasn't his scene. He should be driving around bottled blonds with big boobs and tight clothing around in his truck rather than wasting time with me. He would get nowhere with me. Surely he knew this.
On a deep breath, I walked into the class. I refused to look in the direction of the back of the room, quickly taking my seat. I didn't hear the obscene giggles of ostentatious females and I didn't feel the familiar tingles I felt when Dace was near. That had me thinking that maybe he wasn't even going to come to class. The thought made me feel ill. I'd freaked him out enough to bail on class. Oh well. I thought as I took in a deep breath, setting up my laptop. It was better this way.
"Hey there," Dace flopped down beside me, sliding a Starbucks cup across the table.
"What's that?"
"It's a pumpkin spiced latte." He pushed it closer to me when I didn't make a move for it. "It reminded you of Christmas and that made you sad. Let's make a new memory with it."
I eyed him as though he'd gone crazy. "What kind of memory?"
His eyes glittered and he moved his chair in closer. "The one where I let you in."
I cocked my head, glancing at the latte. "I'm interested."
Dace reached into my lap where my hands sat and he covered them both with one of his. Instant warmth spread through me like a wildfire and my breath came short. "I know what you're feeling." He admitted, pushing his hand through both of mine, forcing me to hold his hand. Not that I was complaining - I most definitely was not. "I lost my own mother. It was a while back. I was a lot younger," his voice was gruff and I felt my heart constrict as I weaved my fingers with his. He ran his thumb over the smooth skin on the top of my hand. The gesture was gentle and absent and comforting. "What I'm saying is I know it hurts. It's not something you ever get over, but you learn to live on."
"I don't know what to say." I breathed.
He grinned. "There's not a lot that can be said. You just gotta find a way to keep living."
"I think I am."
He nodded. "You are." He didn't release my hand and I didn't mind. "I want to be there for you - but I want you to let me be there." His eyes were sincere. "Don't fight me."
"I'll try," I promised.
"Drink your latte and enjoy it." He nodded to the cup and when I moved to release his hand, he held it tighter, eyeing me determinedly. "You have two hands."
I laughed. "Friends don't hold hands."
"We do, Angel." There was no room for argument in his tone.
I shrugged, "People are going to ask questions."
He flashed the shit-grin I was beginning to love. "Do you care?"
My breath caught. "I don't know."
"Well you'd better learn not to care then, Angel." He held my hands tighter. "Because our friendship isn't normal. We passed normal when you body-checked me in the parking lot just to meet me."
My mouth dropped and I tried to hide my smile. "I did not!"
"Don't lie to me." He teased.
"You're conceited!"
"I know your game." He quipped.
"Ha. Ha," I shook my head. "I'm not the one who has game to be feared, Dace."
"Are you saying I have game?"
"Uh yeah," I nodded. "Have you seen you? You're like the biggest man-whore there is."
He feigned offense. "I'll have you know my feelings are wounded."