Friday I spent with Glory and Avery and the rest of the girls shopping in Oklahoma City. I experienced the Black Friday madness for the first time. Avery laughed, loving the chaos. We all wore Santa hats, and I admit I had fun buying presents. I decided this Christmas would be different.
Glory and I sat in a Starbucks while the others shopped. I told her about finding Dare, admitting I’d stayed home on Thanksgiving.
“Neither of you sound happy. You can change that.” Glory sipped her drink with a smug look on her face.
“You don’t think he’s beneath me?”
“You’ve been talking to Frankie.” She shook her head. “Some think like that, but not me or Avery. Happiness isn’t beneath you.”
“I screwed it up.” I banged my head on the table, but not hard enough to stop the ache.
“Fix it. Nothing’s forever unless you give up.” Glory put her hand over mine. “Fight for what you want.”
Could I fix what I’d broken? Was he too broken for me?
Am I too broken for him?
* * *
My alarm rang at seven the next morning. At eight, I walked in the back door. MJ jumped when the screen door slammed.
“You okay?” She hurried to me, concern wrinkling her face.
“Can I help you? I need to talk to Dare but not at work.”
Her eyebrows raised, but she didn’t ask questions. “Make the biscuits?”
I pulled out the recipe and started mixing. When the ovens were full of biscuits, I went into pie mode. I baked five nine-by-twelve-inch cobblers—two apple, a peach and two cherry. I also fixed lemon meringue for Thorn and a chocolate pie for Bear. Surely he liked chocolate.
MJ bustled to the back a while later. “He’ll be leaving soon.” She didn’t even look my way.
Now or never. What was the worst that could happen?
I’d be homeless when he fired me.
Not even a chance. I battled myself—fear versus strength. Backing away, running away. It’s what I did. Now I wanted to run so bad I found myself moving toward the back door.
Fuck this.
You screwed it up. You fix it.
I’d never live with myself if I always wondered if I could’ve made it better. Healed us.
If he walked away? Well, broken hearts weren’t fatal, after all.
I walked across the floor toward Dare before I realized I was doing it. Holy hell, no way to retreat now.
Jericho looked up as I approached the table.
“I baked some pies in the kitchen.” Words of appreciation flew my way but I was too nervous to make any out. “Dare, got a minute?”
He stood, and we walked a few steps away. “Need something for the shop?” His voice sounded tight.
“No. I hoped to talk to you, somewhere...less here.” I finished lamely, too tense to think.
“Sure, come on.” He walked down the hall and into the room where we’d stayed the first time I’d come to the club. The room where I’d screamed my release.
My fear threatened to overpower me, especially when my gaze strayed to the bed, and my knees weakened. Memories rained down on me.
No. I’m strong. I ask for what I want. I can do this.
“What is it?” Worry creased his brow.
I scrubbed my face. “I was wrong. It wasn’t enough. I hate us apart.” The words sped out of my mouth.
Shock, hurt, and hope flitted across his face before it went blank. “It was an intense ride. But all rides end.”
“Tell me you’re happy apart.” I pushed him. This was my one chance at redemption. “I’m sorry, I was so overwhelmed with the crazy shit my sister did, and I fell apart on you.”
Pain flashed in his eyes before he turned away. “I never asked how it went. You don’t need more of that. I’m not the sticking kind. Find a brother interested in the long ride.”
Anger lit me up. “I’m tired of everyone telling me to pick a new biker, like you guys are interchangeable.” I moved until I saw his face. “I want you, and if not you, none of them. You want me...?” I tried to make it a statement, but my voice faltered and it became a question.
His gaze raked me, searching for something. He shivered but didn’t look away. “Then it’s none, Red. I don’t go back. Always forward.”
He started to walk away.
“I’ll beg.” My voice quavered. Tears were seconds away.
Heat flashed in his gaze when he turned to me. “You made that mistake once with me. I didn’t deserve it then, and sure as hell don’t now. Never beg, Red. You’re worth more.”
And he left me again. I heard the back door slam, and tears ran in streams down my face. I wept for my lost love, a love gone forever.
Finality tried to push me into the ground, and I wanted to die.