Enough(94)

He chuckled behind me.

“Did it hurt?”

Why is it always the first question?

“Pain’s part of life. Get over it already. With this, I can always remember the way I feel right now. The lesson of now.”

“All your tats tombstones?” Zayn met my gaze in the mirror.

Tombstone was a word some artists used for tattoos that were lessons or markers of a specific time.

I nodded my confirmation while Zayn taped the gauze in place. I slipped my shirt on.

“Can I take off?” I glanced up at him.

“Yeah, see ya tomorrow. Be good.” He held up a hand in a wave.

Avery followed me upstairs, asking a thousand questions about tattoos. I tried to be patient. Today had sucked, and patience was in short supply.

Barely able to focus at Blue’s, I ended up leaving early. Once I’d told the girls Dare had been in the shop, they didn’t ask any more questions. I took a book to bed, but suddenly reading about love held no appeal.

I lay in bed waiting for sleep to claim me, but it didn’t for a long time.

* * *

Dare parked his bike in front of the shop the next afternoon. Two hours before his appointment.

This was awkward, but I had to get over it.

He smiled when he walked in, and I stopped breathing.

“Heard you got new work.” He bent his head toward the gauze that peeked out of my T-shirt.

“Yeah, a new flower.” I forced the words out, hoping they sounded normal.

“Perfect choice.” His gaze lingered on my tits and my nipples tightened. “Great work on the flyers. Rebel’s making copies and putting up the ones for Ardmore.”

My heart raced. His approval made happiness swell in me. “Thanks.”

Then he walked past me, no flare or intense stares, and definitely no broken heart hiding under the surface. Maybe I’d imagined more than was real. Part of me yearned to throw myself at his feet and beg forgiveness.

But I had some restraint.

I walled all the crap up tight, sealed it and locked it in a chest and threw it in the dark hole with all my other garbage. I smiled until my cheeks hurt.

Every damn biker stopped and spent time at the shop today, but instead of reassuring me, pain throbbed in my chest because I knew most were lining up to claim me. Gimp, Jericho, Bear, Romeo and Thorn treated me the same. I remained Mama to them. Thorn showed me a new reaper Zayn had added to his arm, and a barbwire necklace bisected his Adam’s apple.

“Looking good, Thorn.”

“You want...” He shook his head.

“I’m Bear’s property now, but thanks for the offer.”

He grinned at me and turned into an entirely different man with a smile.

During a moment when my domain emptied, I swallowed gulps of water trying to smooth out my emotions from the stream of bikers.

“You need to pick.” Angel sneered at me. “Not good to be unclaimed. Bad for the club. Bad for you.”

I pressed my lips together and walked past her.

“He’s done with you. He never goes back.” Her words chased me down the hall. “Already fucked you out of his system.”

I kept my walk slow and stopped to chat with Rock and Dare as I passed through the tat room on my way to the supply closet. Once inside I rested my forehead on the cool metal shelf. I gritted my teeth and stuffed her words away with everything else.

Days passed, and I wished it hurt less, but it didn’t. As the weekend grew near, Thanksgiving was the topic on everyone’s lips. MJ called and asked me to cook, but I lied and told her I had plans with Avery, which could have been true. She’d invited me to her house for Thanksgiving, but I’d refused her offer too.

I wished I had a family, but Dare had been my only family.

I bought five mysteries to read since romance was off the table for a while. Thanksgiving Day, I ate junk food, not turning on my stove, and read a mystery. Around six, I heard a thumping below me.

Who is here?

Creeping down the stairs as silently as possible, I opened the door and moved down the small hall. I peeked into the workroom. Dare sat in a barber’s chair, a bottle of whiskey in hand. I slid down the wall until I sat. I should leave, but my legs refused to move. My gaze was glued to him, and I wasn’t strong enough to look away or brave enough to walk into the room.

He stared at the ceiling and drank the whiskey. His shaggy hair was messed up, like when he woke up in the morning. The club’s Thanksgiving meal should be served right now. Why wasn’t he there?

Had he come to see me?

No. He thought I’d left. I’d made sure everyone heard I’d be at Avery’s.

I ached at the sight of him like this because I’d caused the rift. Eventually I stood up and crept away. His mood probably had nothing to do with me. The holidays sucked for lots of people, including me.